am i crazy?

the car's packed up (with nothing but the essentials).
on a whim.
and i'm headin' down south to disappear for the week.
a 7 hour drive by myself, with the girls, tomorrow at 5 am, all in the name of family.
am i crazy to be doing this?
i think yes.
pray for me that it's the good kind of crazy and that we make it in 7 ish hours instead of the 14 ish it took us over Christmas.
adios till Sunday!

xoxo

Dear Jimmer,

will you wait for me to grow up so i can marry you someday?



i promise my legs will thin out a little by then.
i also promise to have grown some teeth.
and hair.
and to wear pants.

xoxo

fetishes

i know, i know.
it's a miracle.
two posts in one day.
lately i feel like i deserve some sort of prize (prize = a huge piece of cheesecake or a bag of peanut m&m's or something equally sweet and evil, while sitting and doing absolutely nothing) for making it through the day without losing it (what is "it" exactly?).
please tell me you feel you deserve a prize too?
and while i want to sit and do absolutely nothing right now (other than be totally enthralled by American Idol's top 24 episode) i just can't stand seeing that picture of myself holding that white hair as the most recent one on my blog.
gross.

so i thought i'd share with you some of the things we've been fettishing over these days.

Ellie has a fetish with her red sparkly boots.
as in, as soon as she sees them, she runs to them, hugs them, and puts them on.
as in, she puts them on and wants to hold Jessie and watch Jessie so she can be sure she is just like her.
as in, she doesn't want to take them off. ever. even for naps.
and i think the whole thing is pretty freakin' adorable.

Alice is has a fetish with her hands and fingers.
as in, she lays down and her little hands come right to her mouth.
as in, i lay her down in her crib and she cries until she finds those lil fingers.
as in, she rolls over, props herself up on her elbows till her fingers wiggle their way into her mouth...every. single. time.
oh man, i love this little baby. love love love love love love love.

i'm having a fetish with words with friends.
as in, i can't stop thinking of weird words when i'm awake and even when i'm asleep (yes, it's polluting my dreams).
as in, i have 6 games going right now. 3 with strangers.
as in, i play it all day long.
do you have words with friends?
if so, find me: mamamarce.
if not, stop judging me. if you had it, you'd play it all day long too.

i have many more fetishes.
but i've just hit my "i don't want to type another word or look at my computer another minute" limit.
so that's all for tonight.

p.s. thanks for putting up with my randomness.
as if you had a choice.

xoxo

not my hair!

emergency!
i just found this coarse, crazy, unruly, WHITE hair on the tip top of my cute lil curly-haired head!
i repeat: A WHITE HAIR!!!!

possible causes:

the crazy toddler screaming in her crib for the last hour.
the house that is a disaster that i swear i just spent all my free time cleaning.
the insane amount of treats i am consuming.

but really, can these be reasons for having white hairs at the ripe age of 25?????????
my poor, beautiful brown hair.

xoxo

one word wednesday

narcissistic.

xoxo

typical tuesday

four ingredients and we have a typical day in our house:

#1: bath time in the morning:

#2: eating necessary nutrients

{this is a pumped bottle- but i thought it would be more socially acceptable to show that than the real thing. right?}

#3. playing:

(in Ellie's case- dressing up all day long):

and finally, #4: spending quality time together.*

*i know you're thinking one of two things:
1) what kind of mother am i to let Alice (who looks exceedingly chunkilicious) be pushed around by Ellie in that stroller,
or 2) i forgot to mention sleep.

allow me to address your oh-too-predictable thoughts:

1) it was funny. and sometimes the fact that something is funny far outweighs the need to act responsibly. (which creates a new thought in your mind: who entrusted her with children?? to which i retort: i promise i made sure i was in front of them the whole time (in between laughs)). (and yes, she does look deliciously plump...just how i like it).
2) i didn't forget to mention sleep. my children are simply refusing day-time sleep. and i am consequently going mad. because refusing sleep does not mean that we aren't tired and don't need rest. proof:

 {yawn}

{grumpy face}

{scary-scared face...scared that i'm going to lose my mind. oh wait, it's gone.}

it's a good thing these dang crazies are dang cute.

xoxo

the dream.

i had to laugh this last week when one of my young women approached me and said the following phrase:
"look at you Sister Chapman! you're living the DREAM!"

little did she know that less than 10 minutes before, i had been rushing out the door to make it to our activity, when Alice spit up in my hair while Ellie dumped a bowl of cereal + milk all over our kitchen floor. the cereal + milk was in fact still all over the floor.

yeah, some dream, i thought.

i laughed again yesterday when Ellie, Alice and i were at our little local donut shop that we frequent on the weekends together. (side note:, i justify any and all sweets during busy season. because i'm working so hard.) well, we had grabbed a quick lunch while we were out that we were eating together before we could have our donut reward.
"one more bite of chicken and one more bite of apple, and then you can have your pink-sprinkle donut, Ellie!"
of course she was thrilled and her little eyes lit right up. so she chomped that chicken and gobbled that apple until her mouth was as full as a squirrel packing nuts for winter.
but squirrels, they're smart. they pack those nuts in their cheeks. or at least that's what i imagine they do with them. they don't try to swallow big chunks right away because that's what crazy people do.
crazy people like Ellie.
there she was, trying to keep her end of the bargain (one bite of chicken + one bite of apple = donut), and swallow that dang mouthful so she could have the good stuff...
and then...
barf everywhere.
on the table.
on her Minnie Mouse dress (remember? we spend 90% of our days in dress ups).
on the bench.
on the floor.
oh yeah, this is my dream come true.

after we were home and had recovered from all of that crazy barfing business, Ellie was going through all the DVD's and VHS's we have (i know, we're so retro, sportin' the VHS's). well, she came across my old High School Cheerleading VHS.
"i wanna watch this one!"
ugh.
please, no.
but she was so insistent, so i just turned the dang thing on.
she wanted me to be in every picture and video.
and was so mad when i wasn't.
and then, this whole flood of emotions came over me.

explanation:

yes, i was a cheerleader in high school.
but only for my sophomore and junior years.
you see, my junior year of high school...cheerleading wasn't the best experience for me.
the girls were wonderful- some of the sweetest girls i'm privileged to know.
but- after making the Varsity Squad, we had tryouts for the Competition Team. all of us were required to be on the Competition Team- and in years before, being on the Varsity Squad usually had meant that you would be on that team. and the "extras" (the "just-in-case-someone-got-injured-back-up-girls) usually came from the Sophomore Squad. well, this year, that wasn't the case. i didn't make the cut for the competition team. i was deemed an "extra" for the competition team, even though i was a Junior and on the Varsity Squad.
this means that i was on the Varsity squad, but didn't compete in the routines.
that doesn't mean i wasn't there at practices or competitions.
no, me and the four other extras were there at every practice. and every competition. and every road-trip.
on the sidelines.
cheering the other girls on.
longing to be out on that blue floor.
i know this all sounds so...lame.
but it was a very painful experience for me in my gawky-insecure-teenage-girl-body.
i remember many nights crying myself to sleep.
i remember wanting so badly to be a part of that unique unity that those other girls shared...and for the coach to pick me and trust me enough to put me out on that floor.
but she didn't.
and yesterday, when one of those routines started, and Ellie kept asking me,
"which one is you?? where is you!?"
finally, i started crying and said, "i'm not out there Ellie. those ones don't have me."
and all of that pain i felt all of those silly high school years ago came rushing back to my little heart.

and then i thought of that Young Woman who had approached me that night last week.
and instead of laughing, i understood a little bit.
while i can remember wonderful experiences with wonderful, lasting friends when i think of my high school experience, i also realize that high school had a lot of dr-ah-ma.
high school is such a tough time.
there is such an identity crisis going on.
you seem to know what you want, but are unclear of how to get there.
and then you change your mind of what you want, and so getting there is all of a sudden so confusing because you're not sure where you even want to go.
and friends are everything.
but your friends are going through the same identity crisis as you...so while they often come through for you, they also often let you down.
and when that happens, since they are everything, you feel like the world around you is crumbling.
and to add to all of that, your poor little self-esteem is so greatly influenced by the things you do, don't do, achieve or don't achieve.

and so, i understand why that girl told me that i was living the dream.
it's because i am.
i'm living the life i always dreamed i would as a young high school girl, whose world looked bleak and who wondered if anyone would ever choose her for the team.
and while it's taken different turns, and there have been countless bumps in the road, and sometimes barfs in the hair and face...i couldn't have dreamed a better dream than having a kind hubby who chooses me every day, and two girls who choose me too.

thanks, cute little Young Woman, for reminding me.

xoxo

blogging is my night-life social scene.

{hello there: it's me- just bloggin' in my bed}

so the treacherous busy season hours are in full swing.
and i'm ok.
(coming from the lady who spent 40 minutes looking for her lost car keys at the inlaws today..and who just found a fork in the refrigerator).
really though, i feel more bad for the mr, who hasn't gotten to see his girls all week.
i'm sure you feel the same way as i do: mega blessed to have a hubs who will work so hard + sacrifice so much in the name of providing for our family...when i know he'd much rather be home slothing with us.

sigh.

so i've come to a bizarre and embarrassing conclusion about myself this week.
you see, i've realized that i have come to depend upon the blogging world as my social life.
not that i don't get out some, too.
because i do.
my life is full of lovely people.
but what i mean is- M is gone till the wee hours of the night.
the girls are sweet little gems that go to bed between 8 + 8:30...
which leaves me here alone with my thoughts for several hours.
yes, i have messes to clean.
dishes to do.
laundry to catch up on.
and sometimes Alice is awake later than i'd like.

but then, when all of that is done, (and sometimes 10 steps before) i nuzzle my little body right into my comfy lil bed, turn on a show (if i'm lucky enough to have one on), and hang out with you guys via your blogs for a while.
i laugh out loud reading about some of your funny experiences.
sometimes i get teary eyed reading your sweet-spiritual thoughts.
i often feel validated in my circus life.
sometimes i cry reading about your crazy-mom days that seem all-too-much like mine.
i relate to your many of your likes and dislikes and quirkinesses.
sometimes i dream about living on a tropical island like some of you...
and sometimes i gawk over your lovely photographs, your beautiful bodies, your delicious recipes that i add to my never-ending need-to-cook list, and your cute-as-a-button kiddos.
and after reading some of your thoughts...and maybe after sharing some of my own and receiving your comments (which i love) i feel like we've spent a rainy afternoon together in an adorable cafe, sipping on some salted-hot-chocolate or spiced-cider (with an extra large dollop of whipped cream) while gabbing about our silly, yet meaningful lives.
it's lovely.

and then i float back down to my reality.
where the problems exist.
the hubs is still gone.
and i'm really alone.
and then i wonder...
do you feel the same way?
or am i the only one who feels like we just hung out?

and flipping through the channels, i just heard Meg Ryan in my favorite you've got mail say exactly what i was gonna say next...in a much more endearing-scripted-sorta way, of course:

" i don't really want an answer. i just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. so goodnight, dear void."

and let me just add, thanks for letting me sip on some cocoa with you on so many occasions.
our cafe-conversations are memorable and sweet.
they help me feel un-lonely.
and understood in a strange way.
i love you, dear cosmic-void-blogging-universe.

xoxo

1-2-3-4...

months old today...



and even more in love than day 1.

forgive me for the lack of length in this post...
and the double-dipped picture.
i'm a bit pooped out from so much blogging.
but not pooped out enough not to say how much i love my little Alice love bug on her four-month-old-day.
to celebrate, we will eat mac n cheese for dinner.
and Alice will get strawberry milk...naturally, from all the red + pink we've consumed this week.

xoxo

love week: i love you.

today i love all the people who love lil ole me.
my sweet, selfless mama...who i am slowly realizing sacrificed more for me than i'll ever understand.
my integritous, hard-working pops...who calls me frequently to check in...and who's head of curly hair strangely resembles mine.
my brother who made life fun growing up.
his wife who has become one of my closest friends.
my sister who is everything i'm not, from looks to insides, and yet we get along as best sisters should.
my friends, who are as colorful as the sunset in the sky tonight...and who fill my life with laughter and rich memories.
my inlaws (mom, dad & brothers) who fill in the gaps, help me realize what it's like to roll up my sleeves and get in the dirt...then roll up my sleeves some more and sew a little.
my girls, who make my world complete.
and especially my Valentine...who chose silly me 6 years ago...who is my best friend, the kindest hearted man in the world, and the man i love the mostest. 

thanks for loving me and my lil ole blog enough to stop by.
truth be told, i love you too.

and thus concludes my love week!
hope you felt a little extra love.

xoxo

love week: i love toddlers.

you know how when you have a baby all these people tell you it just gets better and better in each stage?
well folks, i'm here to be Captain Cliche and tell you- it does.
every moment i think i couldn't possibly love Ellie any more, there she goes and does something ridiculously adorable and makes me love her more than i did before. how is that possible?
clicheness. craziness. coolness.

so today i love toddlers.
some things i love about toddlers:

i love the things that toddlers say.
i spend a ridiculous amount of time scrolling through Ellie's twitter account to read things she's said in the past because they make me laugh. and that's only like 10% of the cute funny things she says. my most favorite recent thing she's said is the tweet about Minnie Mouse. Minnie was about to suicide jump out of her crib and Ellie yelled, "Don't do it Minnie! IT'S DANGEROUS!" she's so funny.
i also love when she says "i'm so excited!"
i love when she voluntarily says, "i love you daddy."
i love how she tells Alice all the time, "you're my cute sister. you're MY sister, Alice!"
i love that when she likes the way something tastes, she licks her lips and says, "mmm, that's reallll good."
i love the things that come out of this beautiful little girl's mouth.

i love how smart toddlers are.
just tonight, she recited the whole "5 little monkeys swingin' in a tree...teasin' mr alligator" poem...all by herself. i didn't even know she was listening when i recited that poem to her.
she's like that with dozens of songs and movies too- she can sing and quote right a long.
crazy toddler brains.
Ellie even knows where we live. once we're like 2 streets away, she says, "Mama, i don't want to go home yet." or "are we going to take a nap at my house now?"
i love how she knows how to open the fridge and get exactly what she wants out of it (usually a juice box for the 10th time that day).

Ellie knows that Gammy + Pops live by Disneyland. and she asks to visit them and Disneyland almost every day.
and the first thing Ellie asks me every morning when she wakes up is, "is Daddy working today?"
these toddlers are so smart.

i love how toddlers love art projects.
Ellie loves to make things.
Ellie loves to color. she loves to draw circles and faces.
she especially loves drawing on my big easel. it's like her very favorite thing. i love watching how serious she is about her artwork. it is serious BUSINESS for this chica to color.



i love how toddlers love to play.
Ellie loves the park- especially playing on the slide and in the sand.
she loves having M around so they can run around outside and in like banchees. (what are banchees, exactly?)
she loves playing pretend in her dress-ups
she loves her princesses and babies and trains and ponies and stuffed animals and littlest pet shop animals...and every other toy she owns that i didn't list.
Ellie loves to play.

 

i love how toddlers have the whole "sleep" thing figured out.
well, maybe some don't.
but Ellie is a sleep rock-star.
like i don't remember the last time she woke up in the middle of the night.
it's a beautiful thing. because if you remember, i love my sleep.

i love how toddlers love to do things themselves.
Ellie loves to pick out her clothes. which leads to some pretty interesting clothing combos.
Ellie loves to open her juice-box herself.
Ellie doesn't want you to cut her food for her.
Ellie doesn't want you to put her shoes on for her.
Ellie loves to open doors, close doors, put on socks, take off her clothes for the bath, zip her jacket, and use cookie cutters on play dough all by herself.
Ellie loves her independence.

i love the way toddlers like what they like.
there's no convincing them out of it.
and there's no convincing them to like something new. until they decide they want to like something new.
Ellie likes tacos.

Ellie likes Oreos.

Ellie likes princesses.
Ellie likes peanut butter and honey sandwiches.

Ellie likes her trike.

Ellie likes vanilla yogurt. NOT strawberry yogurt. NOT blueberry yogurt. VANILLA. just like the mama.

Ellie likes the slide.

Ellie likes her sister.

Ellie likes dresses. NOT pants.

don't try to convince Ellie otherwise on the things she likes.
because she likes what she likes.

i love how silly toddlers are.
Ellie is constantly singing different words in songs to try to make us laugh...
she is always trying to tickle us.
she loves to spin and twirl and do anything to make me smile.
she loves making silly faces and doing silly moves.
i love silly Ellie.



i love how toddlers don't love anyone like they love their daddies.
Ellie would marry her daddy if she could.
in fact, she even has argued with me on more than one occasion that M isn't my husband, he's hers.
she loves to run around the house back and forth and back and forth with her daddy.
she loves to cuddle with her daddy on the love sac.
she loves to take a bite of whatever her daddy is eating.
and then spit it out if she doesn't like it.
she loves her daddy so so much.

i love how toddlers still need the mama.
kisses are still magic.
hugs still console the tears.
singing still helps get sleepy before bed.
and even though their independence is everything, Mama is everything too.
sometimes we drive each other crazy, but at the end of each day, when this little girl says, "i love you mama," i know she means it. and i know that what i said at the beginning of this post is true: i love this toddler more than i did yesterday.

....aaaaaand we're back.

hope you're feeling lots of love!
can't wait for a day full of love tomorrow.
xoxo