the thoughts i think

welcome to a random post of some of the thoughts i had racing through my mind at 4 am...as i laid in bed, wide awake, for no good reason at all.

last night, the girls and i were fevery and sniffly, so by 5:30 pm we were all in our jam jams (thats pajamas for all you who don't speak toddler) and snuggled in my bed watching the Little Mermaid and eating crackers, cheese, oranges, gogurts and fruit snacks...nothing but the essentials when we're sick.

 

after the girls went to their own beds,  i stayed in mine and ate an insane amount of Oreos while watching American Idol. my toes are wiggling in my bed right now...alongside some suspicious crumbs. while being sick is no fun...and crumbs are normally a big no-no in the bed, i loved our little jam jam party and will treasure it in my memory bank.

i'm surprised how much i like American Idol this season...and how much i don't miss Simon (sorry Simon). Steven Tyler is hilarious and Jennifer Lopez is adorable...and Randy is back to his cool self. makes me happy that it's not a royal flop as i thought it might be.

before my previous post, Ellie spent much of the last few weeks looking at me like this:

to put it in a few words: we have been having a hard time understanding one another.
but in the last few days, we have spent many moments like this instead:

 

it's amazing how having a new outlook combined with lots of prayers really does change things.

we have missed our M terribly this week. not having a daddy/the hubs around is lame.  we're so excited for some good hugs, laughs, cuddles and playing tonight.

the sun has been shining this week. it's amazing what some sunshine does for my mood, even if it's still chilly outside. we've gone on walks, runs, and even enjoyed the park together with friends. i missed you, sunshine.

Ellie hasn't worn real clothes for 3/4 of the week. she got some dress-ups for Christmas and is obsessed. it's pretty cute to see her get all dolled up.

 

however i can't lie- i'm totally looking forward to her being able to dress herself up...especially when she wants to change 5 minutes after we just got dressed. my favorite is when she totally into character: for example: dressing as Alice in Wonderland, holding Alice, and watching Alice.

or watching Mickey Mouse clubhouse, dressed as Minnie, holding two Minnies...

the same with Belle and Snow White...and Sleeping Beauty..and Cinderella...geesh, we're basically a Disney gift shop over here at any given moment throughout the day.

Alice has a weird Alphalpha spike on the back of her head. you know, where no matter what you do or how much you try to mat it down, the hair just sticks straight up. this picture illustrates it pretty well:

this Alphalpha spike does concern me, some. i mean, how do i fix it? it looks pretty ridiculous. should i cut it? i honestly am at a loss. baby hair is so odd.

i love how Alice has found her hands. she's obsessed...and can't keep 'em out of her face.

 

since we got home from Christmas, she's been a lousy sleeper...(up several times a night) and since i've been under the weather this week, i decided- kid, you've found your hands, it's time to self-soothe (aka, cry it out). it's funny how i was so adamant that i was going to be so great at it this time, and do it so much sooner because it changed my life last time. well. let me tell you something: hearing your baby cry is no easier the second time, especially when you know you can just go in there, give 'em the milk, and they'll be happy. ugh. but, i can't go on in zombie mode like this. so cry-it-out it is. sad mama it is. and sad little Alice it is. but it's only for a short time, right? i keep telling myself that and hoping that it's really true.

i realized this week that i need to purchase a lock for my bedroom door...and a quiet one, at that. thank you Modern Family, for giving me that epiphany.

one of my favorite baby items right now is this sweater of Alice's:

 

it has a zipper in the back, all the way to the hood. i love it because since the zipper is in the back, it doesn't get in the way of her mouth the way a zip-up usually does...but unlike pull over sweaters, you only put the head through the hood, and then you can put the arms through like a normal zip-up. this is wonderful since my babies aren't so much fans of getting dressed/having their heads stuck in a sweater while you find their arms or whatever. wow, i have thought way too much about this one little item of clothing.

i love that my little girls have each other. i really do. i think having a sister is one of life's treasures. and while Ellie has her moments sharing my attention, boy does she love that Alice. and boy does Alice adore that Ellie.

i'm obsessed with yogurtland and think about it multiple times a day. i'm pretty sure it would be cheaper for me to buy a frozen yogurt machine for my house than to keep going out to get it as often as i do.

Alice has very kissable cheeks. i love them.

and spend at least 1/2 of my days kissing on them.

i think it's funny how Ellie is so amazed by all of Alice's baby things. like the bumbo.

 

and she wants to be sure i know that she used to use that when she was a baby too. so funny. i'm just waiting for her to ask me to put her in the bjorn. it's only a matter of time.

i'm getting ready to make the big purchase: the double stroller. i'm pretty set on getting the phil & ted's jogger...but man that's gonna break the bank. but my health and sanity are worth it, right? do any of you have a different stroller you swear by? just curious.

Ellie stinks at sharing. how do you guys get your kids to share so well? the only person Ellie shares well with is her baby Roxy.

and even that's a stretch sometimes.

thanks to my friend Elyse, we discovered this awesome little play place called "the jungle" a few weeks ago. it's basically like a souped up McDonald's play place.
Ellie thought it was the coolest place ever...she stayed in the ball pit for at least an hour. seriously. did not move.

while i couldn't help but think and wonder about the amount of germs festering in this place... i had to remind myself that Ellie was in heaven. i wish i wasn't such a mom sometimes.

lately i love it most when Alice holds really tight on to me in some way with her little fist clinched tightly.

Ellie never really did that. it makes me feel like she's safe with me. and i think i decided that there's nothing greater than feeling safe and at peace...and that's what i want my children always to feel with me and in our home. because while i would love for all of us to be super duper happy all of the time, the reality is that life is messy and unfortunate things happen sometimes. but yearning to feel safe and at peace is something we can always feel, even when life gets messy. i hope my kids always feel safe with me and in our home.

and then somewhere around 5:15 am, i drifted into a fuzzy dream-like state, where all i heard were Disney & Mickey Mouse Clubhouse songs. and i think i haven't thought a single thought since (except for that thought i had of not thinking). so for today, that's all.

xoxo