i'm a bum.

so we've been home from our little Disneyland excursion for almost a week and i feel like i'm still recovering.
it doesn't help that my lovely lil toddler has been crying for 4 days straight...
(listening to wails and screams as i type).
and hasn't been napping more than 20 minutes a day.
and has been waking up waaaayyy too early. and unhappily.
is it an age thing?
or the 2-year molars?
or the fact that she's an overly dramatic girl- possibly learned behavior from her mother?
or maybe she can sense that her world is about to be earthquaked...forever?
i don't know.
but i'm going crazy.
and i feel like i'm in the world's biggest funk.
and all i can think about is how adorable Ellie was at Disneyland. and how i wish we could just pitch a tent there and live there. permanently. because we were all so happy there.

and so to try to remedy the situation, i'm drinking too much diet coke than i should, being pregnant.

eating foods that can't possibly be good for me (though feel so right...like the cookies my friend Jenny ever-so-generously made for me...and which i've hidden from everyone in my house).

and escaping the world through reading the ever depressing Hunger Games series (almost done with book 2...anyone have Mockingjay for me to borrow? and sidenote: why are we as a society so engulfed and ensnared by this series?? it is so disturbing yet addicting. mind boggling to me...and yet i'm caught in its trap).

yes, basically, i'm a bum.

and so i think i'll go eat another cookie...
because that's what bums do.
(just so you know jenny, they're the only thing that has worked all week. you're a gem :) )

i promise a real post, with real pictures, and real updates, real soon.

xoxo

i'm an emotional pile of poop.

seriously.
i am.
like, when the dishwasher broke, and the guy told me it was going to cost $188.36 to fix, i cried.
and it's still broken.
but he promised he'd be back to fix it.
so while hand-washing one of the millions of dishes from breakfast this morning, i cried again. i hate washing dishes.

and when our brand-spankin'-new drier mysteriously stopped working. on our 3rd use. i cried then, too. how can something you JUST bought for HUNDREDS of dollars give you an error and randomly stop working? i don't get that. it's very aggravating. especially when you only have like 3 things you feel cute in, and those 3 things need to be dried by your dryer. so then i go pioneer-woman-style, and dry them on a clothes-line outside. only for them to fall off into the dirt (because 1- i'm not a pioneer-woman, and didn't realize hanging clothes takes skill, and 2- our backyard is overflowing with awesome dirt right now. it's pretty classy). and get all wet + dirty = muddy. yeah, i cried then too.

and when Ellie got into PAINT (while i was washing those stupid dishes i told you about). paint that i JUST BOUGHT. and i ran to rinse it off, and my hand knocked the scentsy candle plugged into the electrical outlet by the sink...and spilled hot wax all over me + the countertop....all 10 minutes before i had to be at Young Womens. WITH Ellie. because M is out of town. yeah, you guessed it. i cried then too.

and when the lady today at Six Flags Discovery Kingdom (where we have our passes) told me that i couldn't ride the train because i'm pregnant (which goes seriously like 2 miles an hour. if that)- which meant that Ellie couldn't ride it because she needed to be accompanied by an adult...i cried. and then i sucked in my pregnant belly real good and told her i wasn't pregnant. and she laughed in my face. and then the tears flowed freely. so then, the rest of the day, i sucked in so hard that i made myself sick, so i just looked like i had eaten 5 too many funnel cakes instead of looking like i was hoarding a human like i am....all so that Ellie could ride the rides...

and so then, even in happy moments, i've started crying. because my eyes are just really good at it these days. like when Ellie woke up yesterday, and wanted me to rock her in the chair. and kissed my arm. and my cheek. and for a minute, i just wanted it to be me + her forever. not any other baby. because we're already a good team. and i love her so much. and i don't want her to not be my baby anymore. i cried then thinking about that.

and then i thought about having a baby in the house. and that made me so happy. and so i cried because i was so happy. because babies are so sweet. and gentle. and Ellie will be such a good big sister. and i'm so excited for her to have that in her life. and so i cried thinking of Ellie being a big sister, and me being a mama to an infant again. that time, i cried pretty hard. it may have been a little bit of a freaked-out cry (infants tend to do that to me) + a happy excited cry too.

and when we saw Toy Story 3- well, i cried like 3 different times throughout that movie. like, the credits were barely over...before the movie even began, and i already had tears in my eyes. not just little ones either. big globby ones falling down my cheeks.

and when i had to say goodbye to my family when we left So Cal on Sunday- well, that was major tearage. and i cried in the car for a good ten minutes. and now, when i look at my pictures from my trip, i cry too. because i miss my family so much. and even when i look at a picture that has M in it, i cry. because i miss him too. and i'm sick of him traveling. it's the pits. (and so now i will insert pictures here. because it seems to fit. and what's a post without pictures, anyway?)

{in Gammy + Pop's backyard...on our 3rd..or 4th...or 5th (can't really keep 'em straight) bbq}

{believe it or not, it was chilly in So Cal while we were there...so yes, we enjoyed some hot-tubbin. no worries, i didn't boil baby-girl for too long :) }

{at Seaport Village in San Diego...Ellie looovved chasing the giant kites.}

{she was a little surprised when it hit her though...hehe}

{this is quite possibly thee most awkward picture known to man. why am i holding Ellie like that? and what's with my bang-o-rangs? and don't you think Shamu's face is just a little too happy to be a killer whale? just sayin.' still, Ellie LOVES Sea World. and so do i.}

{yeah, Ellie's a little attached. it's a bit of a problem}

{but, bring out some dolphins and amazing acrobats, and we're golden.}

{Sea World's the best.}

{and of course, we blew lots, and lots, and LOTS of bubbles at Gammy + Pops house. wow. the addiction lives strong.}

{my favorite thing we did was celebrate my sister Mimi's 19th birthday- we went down to the Pier, and brought this portable bon-fire pit thingie...and spent a good 30-45 minutes trying to light the thing (thank goodness M showed up-- and saved the day)- but then enjoyed pizza + cupcakes + smores...and of course the sand + the ocean waves. it was a blast}

{Ellie was so excited to see her dadda (who had been traveling for work all week, and met up with us at the Pier. i admit it, i was prett-y darn excited to see him too}

{cute birthday girl Mimi + her friend Johnny. maybe they'll be more than friends someday? she'll probably kill me for writing that on my blog. oh well.}

{this is about as good as a family photo gets these days}

{i love my sister. and i love her shirt. i might steal it when i'm skinny again someday. sigh. someday. will i be skinny again someday?}

{cute Mama who made the whole thing happen- she always goes all out for us on our birthdays. bless her. she's the best.}

{and after all that partying, we needed a good day to just chillax and lay out. Ellie did just that. with her bubble gun. seriously, she's a bubbles addict. wait, did i say that already?}

{and we spent our last moments on the beach. M catching the waves...}

{with my Pops...}

{and Ellie, in rock-throwing heaven.}

 {and just because this picture makes me laugh, i'm going to include it. why does Mimi look so tall in this picture? it doesn't help that we're looking up at her...but really, she looks like 10 feet tall. whoa. i love my family.}

(P.S. Sean + Court + Rosalie- you were missed. as always. i hope we get to see you sometime soon!)

it's no surprise why i cried when i left, huh?

so if you see me, don't be surprised if you see salt on my cheeks. i can't really get it off. i'm turning into a human version of the salt-flats. and truthfully, i'm ok with that.
because i'm pregnant.
and that's the best excuse ever for being an emotional pile of poop.

xoxo