sorry about that.
when i think about my blog or talk to others about my blog, they always tell me to just start from today and keep going.
but i can't not write about all these months that have made this the most special-challenging-fast-but-long-but-growth-promoting year of our lives thus far.
so i'm going to do a series of flashbacks. hopefully i'll be able to multi-task and mix in some recent hap's too... but if not and this bores you, skip it. do people read blogs anymore? i don't know if they do. but i'm determined to re-liven up mine.
so. back to March.
on that day that Max passed away, i remember driving home from the hospital and being pretty numb. what just happened? was that real? M and i drove in silence for a lot of the way home. we were both pretty exhausted. it had been the longest 5 days of our lives, not to mention all the build-up to those 5 days. pulling up to our house, we parked without opening the garage. we just sat there looking at each other and then looking away. i didn't feel ready to face everybody. how could we go into that house and live our same ole lives as before, and yet be so different? how could we be in that house that was full of people but felt like something huge was missing -- because the baby we should have had with us never made it home? it felt impossible.
after a long enough wait, we looked at each other, hugged each other, and went in.
we were welcomed by our families. by our girls. by an outpouring of love. our families helped fill that hole in a way no one else could. cousins and playing and fighting and laughter and tears filled our home. they distracted us from the reality of the strangeness of death. they surrounded us with love and compassion from miles and miles and miles away. they stayed until they knew we were ok - missing work and deadlines and commitments. i remember thanking my brother and him simply saying, 'this is what family does.' it was such a simple yet profound statement. and it meant so, so much to me to have them all here. and while it was a sad time, i look back on it being a happy time, too, because of some really fun, sweet and unique memories we made together here. families are wonderful, aren't they?
aren't families just so wonderful? and isn't it so amazing that Heavenly Father sent us this way? i mean can you imagine going it alone?? i just can't.
to my familia and Mike's familia (who i view as my own - even if i do have far less pictures of you...sorry!), thank you for playing an invaluable role in this experience. i love you more than words can say.