a walk and some thoughts and things.

yesterday during Ellie's joy school time, i went on a walk with Alice.
i loaded her cute little chubby body up in the jogging stroller...and kissed her a couple dozen times because she's such a kissable squish right now.
she just smiled at me.

we started walking and i stared at her through the little peep hole.
after saying her name a few times, finally she looked up at me...and when she realized i was there, she wouldn't look away. she looked up at me until her eyes got heavy, her smile got heavier, and she drifted away to sleep.

then i felt a little tempted to run...
have i told you i'm training to run a half-marathon in May? i probably haven't. because after shamefully pooping out of doing P90x because it was too hard for me at this stage of my out-of-shapeness, i've been embarrassed to publicize my work-out ventures. but now that i've been running with the group a couple of times, and i've been consistently running on my own or with a friend during the week, i feel like i can fully commit and share it with the world. it's a goal i've had for a long time so i'm really excited to finally be seeing it through. we've ran two Saturdays together...last Saturday was 5 miles (go us!). it feels so good to be running again. and it also hurts a little. having my new jogging stroller has been a total bonus. i love that thing and have been weirdly excited to use it every time i pull it out.

summary of this random tangent:  i quit p90x. i plan on restarting it very soon now that i'm a little less of a whimp. i love my jogger. i run with it all the time. i'm running a half-marathon in May. and i'm scared out of my pants about it.

so i could have used a good run- but my joints also could have used a little rest.
and walking just sounded plain nice.
because when you walk, you're not distracted my the huffs and puffs, the pat-pats of your feet, the aches of your left knee, or the heaviness of the stroller your pushing.
you can just think.
and i don't seem to have many of those moments to think anymore without being guilted by the things that need to be cleaned or picked up or whatever.
and so it was a treasure.

one thing i thought about while walking was how beautiful it is here where i live.
when i first moved here to California a little under 2 years ago, i had a hard time seeing the beauty everywhere because i wasn't exactly thrilled to have just moved so far from my family and friends.
i focused on the crowded streets, the expensive groceries, the pricey housing market, and any other negative thing i could think of.
but now that i've settled in, i'm embarrassed by all of my negativity.
yes, it's crowded and expensive.
but it's absolutely beautiful.
there are squirrels that run around the trees and our fences all day long.

there are redwoods mixed with palm trees.

rolling green hills.
trails everywhere.

the beautiful ocean views just 20-30 minutes away.

and lovely weather + sunshine + sunsets to enjoy with friends and my girls.

on my walk, i kept thinking how lovely this place really is.
and it made me feel happy and at peace.

i thought about how it must be raining babies or something because like a bazillion people i know have gone into labor the last couple of weeks.
what a miracle.
congratulations to each and everyone of you.
fresh little babies are so magical.

i thought about my little basil plant i just bought.

i love cooking with fresh herbs- especially basil.
pasta and pizza with fresh basil is scrumptious.
i hoped i wouldn't kill it like the other spice-plants i've bought in the past.

i thought about potty training and how much i loathe this process.
i thought about how we've spent 3/4 of the last two days on the potty.

 there are things i just never imagined i'd do as a mama.
i thought about how worried i am for Ellie and her little body.
have i told you about her constipation issues?
i don't think i have because i debate about how much i should talk about poop on my blog. but i guess this is really talking about the lack of poop, right?
poor little Ellie.
she's had these issues since she was a baby.
but they are so, so much worse right now.
and i don't know what else to do.
i wish my mother's intuition would scream at me to tell me what to do.
and so i thought and thought and thought until my brain hurt and i just didn't want to think about poop, or the lack of it anymore.

i thought about little miss Alice.
i thought about how it feels like we've always had her.
that she's always been one of us.
i thought about how much she loves that little thumb of hers.
i wondered if i should be worried about that?
and if i shouldn't, at what point should i be?

i thought about that youtube video of the little baby laughing hysterically and the paper ripping.
and then i got kind of embarrassed because i was all alone on a trail in the middle of nowhere laughing out loud thinking of a laughing baby, who i didn't even know.
and then i hoped Alice would laugh hysterically like that someday. because it's so cute and funny.



i thought a lot about our little family.
i thought about M and his job.
i thought about the changes that are coming our way soon.
i thought about how complicated life seems to get as you get older.
i thought about how i want to enjoy it all a little more.

i also thought a lot about General Conference.
i've always loved Conference.
and i seem to miss my family sorely at Conference time.
heck, i miss them all the time.
but i think now that i've moved away from Utah, i love Conference even more.
because it feels like home to watch Conference.
i thrive on it like i've never thrived on it before.
i feel myself needing it.
counting down the Sundays till Conference weekend when i can see my choir and temple and Conference center and Prophets on the tv...and of course eat delicious breakfasts and dinners unique to Conference time.

i love how Conference inspires you to be better.
and how you can receive answers to your prayers through Conference.
there were so many that struck something within me-
Elder Uchtdorf's was one.
and Elder Scott's was one (just to name two).
isn't it just so wonderful to hear the Apostles talk about things that are on their minds? and then share bits of their personal lives with us? i love that! it strengthens me so much to hear about their personal struggles and joys.
and so their words resonated in my thoughts as i walked.
i kept thinking of Elder Uchtdorf's words- that sometimes when we are serving others, and are being someone's answer to a prayer, we in turn will find answers to our own prayers.
it made me want to serve more.
and more importantly, act upon the impressions i have to serve those around me.
because i think about people or doing things for others all the time...and am ashamed to admit that i ignore them a little too often.
i also thought of Elder Scott's sweet declaration of love for his wife. did you know that she passed away 16 years ago and he's never remarried? i'm endeared by his devotion to her. what a lady she seems to have been. hearing of their loyal, strong marriage made me want to be a better wife, and to cherish my role as a wife and mother more than i do.
i love my hubby and two little girls too much for them to not know it more than they do.
and so on my walk, i thought about how grateful i am for General Conference, and for the opportunity to think and ponder on such wonderful thoughts.

and then i was back.
joy school was just about over.
and after letting the kids play for a while,
i buckled up the chillens to go home.
but before we could pull away,
Ellie's little friend Cale came to our car with a rose.
"it's for Ellie," he told me.
so i told him to open the door and he could give it to her.
3 seconds later, he chucked that thing at her face and ran away.
needless to say Ellie was pretty surprised.
and it didn't take her long to become delighted with her very own rose.
she has stared at that little flower the last day-and-a-half while saying, "this is the rose my friend Cale gave me. i love it sooooo much!"
and here it sits brightening up our little house.

and those are my thoughts and things for today.
life is sweet, my friends.

xoxo