Saturday, April 17, 2010


right now i should be preparing my lesson for YW.
i kind of am.
even though since i am blogging, i'm mostly not.
the lesson is on "the Priesthood" and how it is a great blessing.
my brain keeps getting distracted to this feeling of homesickness that is completely insane, irrationally emotional, and inexplicable-- since i just returned from visiting my family, and since i will see them all again this next week at my brother's graduation. maybe i'm crazy? probably. pregnancy hormones? yes yes, let's blame it on that. i'm ticked at pregnancy right now. it's wearing me out. it deserves the blame of all the junk right now.

i keep looking at pictures of my trip and thinking how lucky i am.
and how lucky we all are.
how lucky we are that our Heavenly Father loved us enough to send us down to this crazy world in little packs. little families. not perfect families. but perfect families for us.

and then it got me thinking, i think if i really could, i would miss heaven a lot. sometimes i get little glimpses of what heaven will be like- like when Ellie requests to say a prayer, and we stand there, our little three-some family, praying to Heavenly Father...she says "bless mommy. bless gammy. bless daddy. bless Lucy (my parents' dog). love you. in Jesus' name, amen." and i can imagine it like that going on forever and ever- conversing with our Father, being together spending meaningful time together. or like when we sit on the beach and watch the sun set and wonder if the world could ever look more beautiful. and then it makes me kind of homesick for Heaven.

so what's my remedy for homesickness, earthly or heavenly? (besides my 3lb bag of gummie bears & case full of otter pops...and chocolate i have randomly stashed in corners throughout the house)

earthly remedies:
  • going through pictures. remembering sweet memories that aren't so far away. and looking forward to new ones. 

  • phone calls. lot's of 'em (thanks mom). and/or texts. thanks bff's & sisters for always responding to me.
  • hugs from M. not the ones that he tries to fix it after. but the ones where he just holds me and seems to understand that i just need to be a little sad for a minute or two. then i'll be ok.
  • listening to songs. one that keeps popping in my lil brain is "i'll be seeing you." you know, that old Frank Sinatra song. it's not too long- it goes like this:

I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces all day through
In that small cafe, the park across the way

The children's carousel, the chestnut trees, the wishing well

I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you in the mornin' sun
And when the night is new

I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you

i like that song. because i really do see my family and friends and loved ones in the world around me. especially when it's just me.

heavenly remedies:
  • praying.
  • receiving priesthood blessings
  • studying messages from the prophets- scriptures or conference tlaks.
  • going to the temple

is all of this too churchy?
but it's what's on my brain. i'm homesick. homesick for my earthly family. and my heavenly one too. but i'm grateful for telephones and bended knees to keep me in touch and make me feel a little less sick and a little more glad.yes yes, i'm a lucky girl. just gotta remind myself of that every now and then.



Linda said...

Marci! Thank You for the beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes and gratitude to my soul . I am just thrilled that Families are Forever! These aren't just poetic words.... it's a reality I hope I can earn. I know I don't deserve it.... but I am counting on " YOU KNOW WHO".... to make it all possible in the end. I am leaving on the plane with MIMI tomorrow. Decided to take her up to BYUI. It will be a crazy day! Pray for us? Love you to the Highest MOuntain!

Kristy said...

You're the best, you know that? This is what I needed to hear this morning. And some adorable pictures of E don't hurt either! I hope you get feeling better pregnancy-wise soon. It's harder the second time, huh?! Thinking about you guys!

Ashley Myntti said...

You are lucky! And I am lucky because I know you. Your posts always make me happy and excited for life. Thanks for being my friend! Love ya TONS!

{amy k.} said...

gosh marce- there ya go, makin' me all teary eyed again. i'm home with my family and still feel home sick.... was actually feeling home sick for california earlier today and thought of you. homesick for my sis and her adorable family... and homesick for the beauty of heaven. today the weather is so gorgeous and i just can't describe how it makes me feel inside- i think it's a little glimpse of heaven. thanks for the post. and E is sooooo stinkin cute i can't get over it! hope you're doing well friend, love ya!

jenna said...

love your thoughts marci.

and can i just relate? i know homesick so well it seems. my parents have been on their mission for almost three years now. my dad has never met my son. i get it. it's a hole in your heart that no matter how many blessings you count, it's still missing.

but that's okay. because it always reminds me how much my heavenly father loves me to have sent me a family that I LOVE so deeply.

The Hurst Family said...

Don't forget your Manila sisters. We miss you and love you and pray for you and wish wishes on you. I'm so excited for you to have a new little baby. I remember that this time in my life was lonely sometimes, but you're being wise how you're dealing with it. And you're lucky to have texting, facebook and blogging while you go through it. I didn't have that. Pray for close friends that are going through what you're going through right now. That's what made my child bearing years happy. Even if all you do each day is share that glorious smile with someone else, you've made this world a better place. Love you. RaeAnn

mere/tay(xoxo) said...

thank you for your sweetness.
it's because of people like you that i know there is so much goodness in this world!
love you!
p.s. i hope you are feeling well and i'm just a phone call away!
happy human creating!

Hale-O There said...

What a sweet post, I didn't know you're pregnant, that is so exciting! You have a beautiful family and busy season is all but OVER! congrats to you cause I know I am happy about it.