wishes

i wish i could eat french fries every day, and that they'd make me skinny.

i wish my family was closer.

i wish that i didn't like t.v. so much.

i wish that Ellie would stay my little girl & best friend forever.

i wish that Saturdays and Sundays came every 2 days instead of every 5, that way, i could see M & spend more time with him.

i wish that my grandma and grandpa were healthy like they used to be.

i wish that our yard would finish itself. then i'd be happy to garden in it. but a backyard full of dirt and a front yard full of noxious weeds is overwhelming.

i wish that money wasn't such a pain in the butt.

i wish i didn't have to admit the fact that i still have boxes that need to be unpacked. i wish i wanted to unpack them. or better yet, i wish i had the will to unpack them. but they're the boxes with the junk that you debate whether to pack in the first place...the junk that is randomly scattered throughout your house 10 minutes before your moving truck is going to leave, and so you just throw it all together and think "i'll take care of it when i get there." and now it's there, and you still don't want to take care of it. well, i wish i would just take care of it...because it's starting to really clutter up my dining room.

i wish that i was at Disneyland. and i wish that wish everyday that i'm NOT at Disneyland. which means, i wish it like 363 days a year. and it's even more fun with an Ellie.

i wish i knew what the gender of our baby is. M keeps referring to "it" as "Bing." which means he thinks it's a boy. i'm just worried that if it is a boy, Bing is going to stick. and M seems quite happy about that idea. and i'm not so sure how i feel about that.

i wish that i could eat ice cream without wanting to puke (or do otherwise) 15 minutes later. i dream about ben & jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream several times a day. every once and a while, i cave & pay the price. it's usually worth it.

i wish i was a better friend. while sitting alone yesterday in sunday school, i had that old familiar feeling i used to get in junior high...the one where you sat there wondering if anyone noticed you...or if anyone would come and sit next to you. sometimes somebody would. yesterday nobody did. it's a good thing i wasn't in junior high because i might have cried myself to sleep. now, i just keep thinking, "i wish i was more proactive. i need to take matters into my own hands." i wish that was as easy for me now as it was 5 or 6 years ago.

i wish that i was 6 months pregnant instead of the almost-4 months pregnant that i am. i really dislike being pregnant. a lot. (and i really wanted to write that i hate being pregnant, but then my mom's voice came into my head...the one that says, "hate is a very strong word. you should only say it if you really mean it." and really meaning it would mean that i never wanted to be pregnant, which would make me ungrateful and insensitive to this great blessing it is to be pregnant. so for that sake, i don't hate it. i just really dislike it.).

i wish that May 12 would come sooner so that i could be relaxing on the beach in Mexico with a pina colada, and with E sittin' next to me with her shovel and bucket and M sittin' next to me too.

 {photos of M&M taken the last time we were in Puerto Vallarta, 3 years ago}

i wish that i didn't want to keep writing wishes about food. for example: i wish i had ingredients to make this delicious bread pudding recipe my gourmet-chef-friend Amy gave to me, i wish i had more otter pops in the freezer, i wish that there were some homemade rolls or french bread somewhere in the house for me to munch on right now...and, i wish that i didn't want to eat chocolate all day long.

i wish you could hear how cute Ellie talks. she says the funniest phrases these days. like "oh my gosh, Mama." or "ooospie de-daiseys" and "so so funny." i wish she would talk in this 1/2 toddler talk 1/2 big girl talk forever. it's adorable.

i wish i could exercise like i was before i got pregnant. i was so determined to be "good" this pregnancy. well, that went out the window at week 4. my poor thighs already are showing it. sigh.

did i already mention that i wish my family was closer?
i think i did.
but i really wish they were.

because cousins were meant to be close. and take baths together regularly.

and siblings were meant to be close too. instead of this rubbish of being in 3 different states.
yes, i miss my family very much.

just the wishes that are in my little heart today.
and i heard, that if you wish a upon a star
makes no difference who you are
anything your heart desires
will come to you.

doesn't hurt to try, right?
xoxo