Monday, January 14, 2008
the popped button.
so, this past weekend i have come to terms with a dubious truth: i am an emotional wreck.
now, i'm definitely blaming ALL of this on the pregnancy. i usually am a much more stable human...but somehow i'm aboard the weeping rollercoaster and am personifying a clearly irrational version of myself. let me explain.
on thursday, my cute cousin Caleb married the love of his life, Dany. i was able to be there the whole day, enjoying the temple sealing, the luncheon, lots of family, laughs, chilly weather, dancing, cake-cutting, sweating, loving, kissing, and everything else that could accompany weddings.
well, i was going to be seeing tons of people i knew this day- since Caleb's family lives in my neighborhood, and since he attended my high school, and since we had TONS of family coming out for the event. so, of course i wanted to be dressed for the occasion! i picked out this darling black dress my mom bought me (comfy enough to pass for maternity) and this beautiful long white coat that i bought for my own engagement pictures. well, this beautiful white coat is adorned with sparkly rhinestone buttons along the front...and was already missing one at the start of the day. luckily, i picked out this fuzzy black scarf and it covered up the broken button...so nobody would know it was missing but me. sure, it was a little snug- but everything fit a little snug these days. so i went with the black and white ensemble and left the house feeling fabulous!
well, the day went on....and, well, wedding days are long! lots of pictures, lots of hugs, lots of questions about baby chappy- all wonderful things - but definitely an exhausting day. after indulging in yummy rolls and decadent desserts at the luncheon, we went up to the reception hall in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building and took a seat around one of the tables. i was feeling a little more "full" than i did at the beginning of the day. well, as soon as i leaned over to take a seat (something which has become increasingly uncomfortable in the passing weeks) i heard a faint little "pop" and something drop to the floor. i looked around to see if anyone else heard it...and then looked to the ground and saw a glistening rhinestone button rocking itself slowly to a STOP on the floor. i had popped a button.
now, up until this moment, i had been overly enthused to gain weight and "show." i was so excited for everyone to finally just know that i am pregnant. all of this changed with the popped button. i suddenly felt like an engorged toad...one who can barely lean over his lily pad to fetch a fly for dinner. i looked down at my jacket...the thread all distorted...and looked around again, giving a fake smile to keep in with the conversation. i didn't want anyone to notice...because i had just popped a button due to the increasing size of my tummy.
of course someone noticed...the jacket wouldn't stay together. my poor sister-in-law was the victim. she was just trying to be courteous to say that she'd fix it...but i couldn't hear her as i ran out of the room into the nearest bathroom stall. i was crying by this point...passing family members and friends. yes, i was crying over a popped button.
but soon, my mom came into the bathroom and talked some sense in me. it wasn't long before i realized that i was acting like one of my 5 year old kindergartners who doesn't win a prize at the end of the day... or better yet, like a 3 year old...who had just dropped her ice-cream scoop off of her cone or something ridiculous like that. i felt like an idiot. it was at this point that i wished i was a bear who could crawl into a hole to hibernate for the winter and just let my belly rise like a loaf of bread for no one to see.
now, a short 4 days later, i realize that this is all part of the adventure called "pregnancy." i'm ready to embrace this emotionally ship-wrecked version of myself...and try to make her ready to sail again. all aboard, ahoy!