holga: Ellie.

have you ever seen the movie, the kid? 
if you haven't seen it, go get on your little netflix and rent it. because it's super funny.
and it's one of my faves.*
in fact, there are many-a-one-liner in that movie that are just part of my daily verbage, thanks to that movie.

"um, hi...?"
"what do i doooo?"
"somebody call the waaaaaaa-mbulance!"
"i'm still here..."
"take your phone off, you're with a human now."
"...he threatened me with a machete."
"what HAPPENS!???"
"holy smooookkes..."
"i'm not upset, i'm just mad!"
...and many more.

back to my point:
so you know how in the movie Bruce Willis basically hangs out with himself as a little kid all day?
and he drives himself crazy?
but eventually learns to love himself?
yeah, i'm living the screen-play of that movie right now.

(except in a little less dramatic way- because Bruce actually hates himself as a little person for a while...and i wouldn't say i hate Ellie ever...like NEVER EVER)

it's crazy because sometimes when i look at Ellie, i feel like i am looking in a time-warp mirror of sorts.
like, i'm reliving my childhood years through this little person..but sometimes it's far less enjoyable because i'm having to set limits and discipline myself all the time.
and when we butt heads, i realize that most of the time it's just because we are so similar, it's not even funny.

examples:

she is the pickiest eater on the planet. 
often i think to myself, how is this human living and breathing right now?
i was complaining to M about her eating habits last night- and our conversation went something like this:

Me: she seriously is driving me nuts. i'm so tired of making separate meals for her...for breakfast she'll only eat yogurt with granola and won't eat cereal unless it's Life. and for lunch, it's only peanut butter + honey sandwiches or wheat thins + laughing cow cheese. and she says she's not hungry but then can down any treat you put in front of her. i don't get it!!!!

M: isn't that all stuff that you eat...?

crickets.

in my head: come to think of it, i think in the last year i've had 300 peanut butter sandwiches...my favorite snack is crackers and cheese or yogurt with granola, and my favorite cereal happens to be Cinnamon Life. and if there are cupcakes or oreos or any thing resembling sugar in my eye's view...well, kiss it goodbye.

Me: her diet does strangely resemble mine.

other examples:

she gives really cheesy smiles.

i'm pretty sure it goes without saying..
but i am infamous for the cheesy smile.

 {yes, this is cheesy-smiled me as a 3 or 4 year old...see any resemblance?}

she is frustratingly stubborn.
she doesn't want my help to put her shoes on.
until she spends five minutes trying at it and then throws her shoe and starts crying because she can't do it.

when i was three or four, my mom tried to teach me how to tie my shoes.
but i wouldn't let her.
like, ever.
i would cry when she tried.
and go ballistic.
and so i remember going to kindergarten with my shoes tied in knots.
because i figured out my own strange way of tying my shoes.
and i remember teacher, Mrs. Smith, pulling me aside and asking me why i tied my shoes that way.
i told her that it was my way of tying my shoes.
it was then, when i was five that Mrs. Smith introduced me to the bunny-ears method.
i almost didn't tie them that way because i liked my way better.
until i realized getting my shoes on and off was much easier using the bunny-method.

she sleeps on her belly.
and is the deepest sleeper ever.
and sometimes yells and screams in her sleep.

when i am pregnant, that could just be one of the worst parts...not being able to sleep on my tummy, that is.
and the sleep-talking/deep-sleeping...well, i'm sure M has many-a-story he could share with you of conversations he's had with me while sleeping. i'm an odd duck, i tell you what.


she gets mad when you take a bite of her food.
she may not eat a lot, but when she's eating something she likes, don't mess with her...or consequences will surely be had (including dangerous hollers and tears).

and i admit, i think one of times i cried hardest when i was little was when my dad took a bite of my cotton candy.
come to think of it, i guess i still don't like it too much when someone swipes a bite of my food.

i keep reminding myself that there have to be some good qualities she inherits from me, too.
right?
please say yes.

anyway.
i think understanding that i'm dealing with my clone, 22 years younger, helps me deal with her with a little more understanding and love.
and sometimes when i am at my wits end, i just call my mom and say 1 of 2 things:

1. what do i do?
2. thank you. thank you. thank you....
and one more thing: thank you.

parenthood is an adventure, i tell you.
a great big one.
but amidst all the craziness (and gray hairs undoubtedly caused by the craziness), there's no adventure i'd rather be on.

*confession: after writing this post, i decided i wanted to watch the kid. and so instead of mopping my kitchen floors, i did. and i laughed my butt off. happy friday!

xoxo