Monday, August 24, 2009

an emotional geyser

tonight, i'm feeling emotionally geysered.

what does that mean exactly, you ask?

well, a geyser is basically like an explosion. all this pressure builds up under the earth, and then all of a sudden, WABAM! it explodes. and if you're a cool enough explosion, people gather from all over the world and take pictures by you and name you a dog's name like "old faithful."


tonight is my last night here in utah.
and thus the explanation for my geyser-ing.
i think i've been unusually strong amidst this huge change.
but tonight, i just want to be a little girl, curled up in my mom and dad's bed, and for them to go get that loved-to-death (literally) blanket of mine and tell me everything is going to be alright.
instead, i get to be the grown-up, offering a blankie (and a very adorable little pig) to my little girl to tell her that everything is going to be alright...even though deep down, can i really be so sure?

but i have to say this:

i am sure.

while i am sad, and dramatically tearful at this moment, i am at peace. because exactly one year ago, my sweet hubby and i had the most peaceful of experiences as we both knew with overwhelming certainty that California was where our little family needed to be at this time.
and so that's where we will go.
and so, brave i will be. because my baby needs me to be. because my hubby needs me to be. because i need me to be.

and there's not much more to say tonight than that.



Torrie and the girls said...

You CAN DO IT!!!! I know its scary but change can also be fun and exciting. You can't go wrong when you're following promptings. We wish you the best of luck in California, i sure miss it! Please keep posting, its been fun watching the stories that come from your little family. we miss you.

Ashley said...

Feel the fear and do it anyway.
You are loved by many and everything will be just the same here when you get back.There are people waiting for your bright personality and friendship in California. You're going to love it.

Katie Cook Oborn said...

You will be loved wherever you go! Good luck with everything.

Adrienne said...

it's hard but wonderful to move away and get outside your comfort zone. there's good and bad days (we're now 9 months out of Utah). good luck with everything and let me know if you ever want to talk.

Anonymous said...

I know it can be scary but I'm sure that you guys will be just fine. Good luck in everything that is to come. We love you and we are always thinking about you. I'll miss being able to see you when we visit Utah, but just think about high school reunions!

Heather said...

Good luck! You are amazing! I miss seeing you at school and I will be thinking of you in sunny California when I am trudging through the snow.

Mat and Brooke said...

Gosh! That made ME cry. I remember the day you told me you'd be moving to San Fran in a year and I can't believe that time has already come. I knew the moment you told me about the move that if anyone could handle it, it would be you. You are like a light in the dark wherever you go and those Californians are so lucky to be getting your family... :) My heart goes out to you and I hope you'll be able to adjust quickly and love it there. Love you!

The Hurst Family said...

I so miss you! RaeAnn

Linda said...

Ouch! Ouchie! Ouch! That's all I can say.... except that I love you and will look forward to see you, Mike and Ellie soon enough. You are one of my heroes!

Scott & Rach said...

It's been too long since I checked your blog or have even seen you. That is awesome you get to live in California, you'll have a great time. You're little girl has grown so much and she is such a doll. Lets keep in touch better, it's been too long

heres my email

jaci said...

i remember years ago when those tears were because you had just moved to utah and missed california! i am going to miss you - even though i haven't seen you in the flesh for years. hey, but this gives me an excuse to visit San Fran. I have always wanted to go there and how all the more reason!!!

mccall said...

you will do GREAT! it will probably be hard at first, but i promise that lonenly feeling eventually goes away and you will start to appreciate the differences your new city has to offer. the people in San Fran are lucky to have you!