Friday, May 1, 2009

wrinkles and peanut butter.

{a picture that has nothing to do with my post...but is included because all posts are better with pictures}

i'm ex-haust-ed.

but i can't sleep.
it could be all that excedrin i took about 6 hours ago. and then that diet sunkist.
caffeine unfortunately affects me.

so i'm blogging.
it's not often that you'll see me up at 12:10 am.
i'm NOT a night owl.
but i keep thinking.
and thinking.
which leads to my crazy thoughts.
which leads to you hearing my crazy thoughts.
sorry about that.
but i warned you that i think a lot.

so, back to my thoughts.

today, when i got in the car after a long day of teaching, i checked myself in the mirror to look just how haggard i looked (like i always do). much to my horror, i noticed two frightening things:

1. wrinkles under my eyes.
seriously! wrinkles! i even touched them...tried to stretch them out and tighten the skin to make them go away. and they wouldn't. stubborn things. is it just because i'm so tired? i've been so stressed to finish these 4 classes for my licensing...and sleep has been at the bottom of my priority list. is wrinkly skin a price i am willing to pay for my teaching license? no one warned me about this. i mean, i'm only 23. wrinkles at 23!?? (can you tell i am hyperventilating?)

i was distracted away from my frightening wrinkles when i noticed the second freaky thing:

2. a big dollop of crusty peanut butter smeared on my left cheek.
(not bum cheek, face cheek...just in case you were confused). yes, there was left-over peanut butter smeared on my face from my PB&J...4 hours prior to that moment. (let's just say, it's been one of those weeks).

i immediately wondered and thought about all the adults i had interacted with that day. i wondered if they had noticed my sloppy face. i wondered what those who noticed thought about me and my peanut butter face.

i then thought about my sweet little kindergartners...and was so grateful for the accepting, happy-go-lucky-ness of five-year olds. it made me think of two things i love so much about these little humans:

1. i love how they don't notice things like peanut-butter faces. they don't see germs. they don't see color. they don't see brand names. they don't judge.

2. i love how even if they did notice my peanut-butter face, they accepted me anyway. they probably related to my peanut-butter face and instead of being horrified for me (like some adults probably were) they probably thought, "i love peanut butter sandwiches! i ate one for lunch too!" i love how they find the best in everything and everyone.

and so tonight,
i'm so grateful for my peanut-butter-face-loving friends.
and while i'm so excited to be 100% mom in four short weeks (insert toe-touch here)
i'll be sad to not be Mrs. Peanut-Butter-Face-Chapman anymore.

change is bittersweet,
isn't it?



Tiffany Johnson said...

I'm excited for you to be able to hang out more and go on walks with us! :-)

Adrienne said...

you're cute

Jylaire said...

You are hilarious! We've all had THOSE kind of days, and they're never fun! I'm sadly the same way with caffiene; take it before noon, or absolutely NO sleep that night. It's a curse!

Linda said...

Hey Peanut Butter Face!
I would have told you you had a Peanut Butter glob on your cute face... had I seen you! I need to be more like a kid in some ways... but I would never judge you. Imperfect days are growing days... I am sorry I have not been there for you to help you more through all the hectic demands. It has been such a whirlwind! I know what you mean about bitter sweet change. I totally understand the bitter part... and the sweet in this case.... will be a wonderful reward. Your BABY.... your HUBBIE friends, family and more time to do the things you have been wanting to do with more JOY like cooking, cleaning and other nesting things women often need to do. Create, create, create! Thank You for sharing all your ups and downs! I love you.

Lindsay said...

If you are worried about wrinkles under your eyes, Philosophy makes an eye cream called "Hope in a Tube." It's fantastic and it is really gentle. Ellie is really cute!