Tuesday, April 21, 2009

what's on my mind at 8:57 this morning.

sometimes i wake up with a mind-ful. and then i go throughout my day thinking non stop. and then i go to bed and toss and turn with my crazy thoughts.

this morning i keep thinking of what kathleen kelly says in you've got mail, "sometimes i wonder about my life. i lead a small life. well, not small, but valuable. and sometimes i wonder, do i do it because i like it, or because i haven't been brave? so much of what i see reminds me of something i read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? i don't really want an answer. i just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. "

so this morning, i'm going to send my cosmic thoughts out into the void.
  • M graduates this week. as in, he receives his degree this week. he is on his way to take his last final and pick up his graduation robes. i'm so proud of him and all of his hard work these last few years. on that note, our time at BYU is growing short. everyone keeps asking me if i am sooo excited- and yes, we are so excited...but i can't help but feel this tinge of sadness thinking of this BYU chapter coming to a close. Provo has been so good to our little family...and while everyone jokes about "the happy valley," i'm going to miss it. a lot.
  • i really miss carelessly eating a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch...or eating a powdered sugar donut in one bite like i did when i was a kid. when did my metabolism slow down and not burn of those calories the way it used to?
  • i'm learning lots of words in other languages, thanks to baby einstein. but i keep going around and these words pop into my head...like "agneau" (french for lamb) and "tutzi" (i don't know if that's how you spell it, but that's how it sounds...and i don't even know what language it is, but it means belly button) and "abeja" which is Spanish for bee. i also can recite the entire "cow jumped over the moon" poem in Spanish. yeah, baby einstein is teaching me some pretty useful stuff.
  • along with baby stuff, i'll just throw this one out there- i constantly have to restrain myself from eating the jar of bananas/banana-strawberry food i buy for Ellie...i love that stuff. i know to the normal being that's gross..but to me...it isn't. ok?
  • i have over 10,000 pictures of Ellie now. i'm very overwhelmed by scrapbooking, to say the least.
  • why did they have to bring tony almeida back on 24 and make him bad? i really liked him...and i hate how 24 makes you hate everyone you once liked (minus jack bauer, that is). having said that, this season has been amazing.
  • thinking of moving to San Francisco in less than 4 months makes me smile and want to barf in the same breath. i have major anxiety over this one.
  • i'm in love with the sunshine. and get mad at jodi saeland of fox 13 news when she even mentions the words "storm" or "rain." poor jodi. it's not like she made the rain...but i still feel like i have to get mad at someone for it.
  • kindergarten is winding down. i'm mixed emotioned because i've loved this phase of life- my kindergarten students are wonderful. me co-workers are my friends. having said that, i am having a really hard time leaving Ellie anymore. my heart is at home. and while i know i'll look back and miss this, i'm ready to become a homemaker.
  • my house is messy. and i want it to not be messy. but, you see, there's a baby who lives in my house...who loves to destroy everything in her path...and fortunately for me, her path includes every nook and cranny of this little 2 bedroom apartment. please, do you have any tips for me on this? she's into EVERYTHING (which i love) but it also makes for a chaos. and living in chaos is...well, chaotic.
  • i think about eating frozen yogurt probably 9 times a day. M and i have come to the conclusion that there are addictive substances in the frozen yogurt. someone please prove this for me.
  • seeing my brother and sister-in-law have a baby has made me think about it again for the first time. i'm freaking out about that.
  • i'm already tired of doing laundry and there are only 3 of us..and i am only 23. my future of laundry-doing feels daunting and bleak.
  • why do they do disco night every year on american idol? it's always THE WORST. i can only imagine what adam will do tonight...
  • why can't i see and hang out with all of you whenever i want, family and friends?
ok, i think that's it for now.
thanks for taking a dive..or doing a canon ball, rather, into my psyche with me.
xoxo

12 comments:

The Fredy Family said...

Hey Marce. From a fellow over picture taker (If there is such a thing) here is how I deal with all our photos since I refuse to scrapbook.

http://thefredyfamily.blogspot.com/2009/04/fredys-are-book.html

I have the book organized by months obviously starting with January and going through the year. Some years are two books (6 months each) to hold all the photos. Plus I do a blog book. What is great is that each book costs about $100! So inexpensive when you consider what it costs to print 10,000 pictures an buy paper and books for the scrapbooking. Also, blub has tons of backgrounds, borders, colors, etc... so much fun and you can work on it anywhere as long as you have your computer! If you want any more info just email me.

Aimee

Linda said...

Marci! Marci! Marci!
Write a book!!! K?
You make me laugh even when I don't feel like it!
You are so honest... that it makes me want to stop pretending that I have everything under " control"... whatever that means!
You are beautiful inside out.
I promise.... one day, your home will be like mine at this stage... you miss the sticky hand prints on the fridge and on the mirrors... I ask myself: " where did all those magical years go?"... instead dust collects which is easily wiped...
Bad news: Laundry is always a PAIN, but If and when I turn on my music... I seem to actually enjoy it! I dance around when nobody is watching! Rosalie gets cuter with each passing minute. I said it before and I will say it again: I understand why the " grand" part is in the word!

Shaylynn..Shay..Shayzers...Shaybo...Shaybe..Shaymus... said...

I believe you should just change your name to Sunshine. You're so full of light!

Lea Tame said...

Marci, I love you and miss you all the time. You must promis that you'll make time to do Red Robin before you leave?

Amy said...

You've said it before, I've said it before... we are so similar it's not even funny.

Laundry- ugh.
I do love banana baby food, never tried strawberry-banana, sounds like I'm missing out.
Disco night, honestly?!
A messy house is a loved house- at least that's how I see it! :) It makes me feel better.
I wish we could hang out! You always make me smile and I'm sure San Fran will be amazing- crazy and challenging, yes of course, that's life... but you will be great there just like you are great now. A new chapter, right?!

Celeste Miller said...

Marci, my dear! You're awesome. I love your random thoughts. They make me feel so much happier in my own randomness! I gotta tell ya, I feel ya on the laundry. I'm done for. Jon better plan on doing a lot of laundry...

Ok, we got a pass to Seven Peaks last year, and I never had anyone to go with : (
I would love to go with you. Did you guys already get your passes? Oh, sun... here we come. Please sweet weather lady, please let us like you again!

The Hurst Family said...

I truly love your psyche! I can't let myself think about next year too much because it's not a clear picture and I hate that you won't be in that picture. I'm so excited for your little family,but quite sad for myself. You've been a joy to have in my life this year and I'm so grateful for blogging because I know you can be in my life forever. (proposal) Marci, will you be in my cyberworld forever? I'm counting on it. Love you! RaeAnn

Mat and Brooke said...

Oh Marci! I just love you. I love your honesty. It always seems to make me feel more comfortable about my anxieties and insecurities. I've ALWAYS looked at you, however, as someone who makes a grand entrance everywhere she goes and steals the show no matter what it's about! You're amazing in every way. Who cares about the house or the laundry; clean or dirty, those things come and go :) The important part of it all is that you spend time making and keeping memories that will last a lifetime! You're really good at that. I'd put my money on it that there are a lot of people that try hard every day to be a little more like you :)

erin 'n phil said...

loved your cosmic thoughts. :) tell Chappy Happy Graduation!!

Megan said...

Hey Marci,
I can TOTALLY relate to some of your thoughts. Metabolism - yeah I was just craving a heaping bowl of sugary cereal. But nope, can't do it. Or doenuts! Mmmmmm. But no, not treats for me. The stick.

I can also relate to work. I just quit completely last week. For the first few days I wanted to cry every day and felt totally worthless. I was kind of worried Dave wouldn't like me as much, but we assured me that wasn't the case. I've snapped out of my low and I'm really enjoying being at home and being able to focus all my energy here. I will really miss working and I'm hoping to find another focus that will fill the void left by work, but I'm happy.

Overall i can just relate to a head full of thoughts. Good luck with all that's on your plate!

Heather said...

I love teaching with you...(even if I only really get to see you on Mondays). I am with you about the staying at home thing. Being a teacher is a great thing, but your kids only grow up once. It's hard to leave them and think about missing anything in that short time. I also agree about the Tony and 24 thing. I love this season!

Lynne said...

I loved reading your thoughts. They are so similar to ones I have had myself. I still hate laundry. Bummer. It never goes away. My best advice, learned from years of experience is to relax and enjoy the journey. The only way to have a clean house all the time is to have no kids around and that just isn't any fun at all. Besides before too long you can give Ellie some of those chores to do.