this morning i keep thinking of what kathleen kelly says in you've got mail, "sometimes i wonder about my life. i lead a small life. well, not small, but valuable. and sometimes i wonder, do i do it because i like it, or because i haven't been brave? so much of what i see reminds me of something i read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? i don't really want an answer. i just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. "
so this morning, i'm going to send my cosmic thoughts out into the void.
- M graduates this week. as in, he receives his degree this week. he is on his way to take his last final and pick up his graduation robes. i'm so proud of him and all of his hard work these last few years. on that note, our time at BYU is growing short. everyone keeps asking me if i am sooo excited- and yes, we are so excited...but i can't help but feel this tinge of sadness thinking of this BYU chapter coming to a close. Provo has been so good to our little family...and while everyone jokes about "the happy valley," i'm going to miss it. a lot.
- i really miss carelessly eating a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch...or eating a powdered sugar donut in one bite like i did when i was a kid. when did my metabolism slow down and not burn of those calories the way it used to?
- i'm learning lots of words in other languages, thanks to baby einstein. but i keep going around and these words pop into my head...like "agneau" (french for lamb) and "tutzi" (i don't know if that's how you spell it, but that's how it sounds...and i don't even know what language it is, but it means belly button) and "abeja" which is Spanish for bee. i also can recite the entire "cow jumped over the moon" poem in Spanish. yeah, baby einstein is teaching me some pretty useful stuff.
- along with baby stuff, i'll just throw this one out there- i constantly have to restrain myself from eating the jar of bananas/banana-strawberry food i buy for Ellie...i love that stuff. i know to the normal being that's gross..but to me...it isn't. ok?
- i have over 10,000 pictures of Ellie now. i'm very overwhelmed by scrapbooking, to say the least.
- why did they have to bring tony almeida back on 24 and make him bad? i really liked him...and i hate how 24 makes you hate everyone you once liked (minus jack bauer, that is). having said that, this season has been amazing.
- thinking of moving to San Francisco in less than 4 months makes me smile and want to barf in the same breath. i have major anxiety over this one.
- i'm in love with the sunshine. and get mad at jodi saeland of fox 13 news when she even mentions the words "storm" or "rain." poor jodi. it's not like she made the rain...but i still feel like i have to get mad at someone for it.
- kindergarten is winding down. i'm mixed emotioned because i've loved this phase of life- my kindergarten students are wonderful. me co-workers are my friends. having said that, i am having a really hard time leaving Ellie anymore. my heart is at home. and while i know i'll look back and miss this, i'm ready to become a homemaker.
- my house is messy. and i want it to not be messy. but, you see, there's a baby who lives in my house...who loves to destroy everything in her path...and fortunately for me, her path includes every nook and cranny of this little 2 bedroom apartment. please, do you have any tips for me on this? she's into EVERYTHING (which i love) but it also makes for a chaos. and living in chaos is...well, chaotic.
- i think about eating frozen yogurt probably 9 times a day. M and i have come to the conclusion that there are addictive substances in the frozen yogurt. someone please prove this for me.
- seeing my brother and sister-in-law have a baby has made me think about it again for the first time. i'm freaking out about that.
- i'm already tired of doing laundry and there are only 3 of us..and i am only 23. my future of laundry-doing feels daunting and bleak.
- why do they do disco night every year on american idol? it's always THE WORST. i can only imagine what adam will do tonight...
- why can't i see and hang out with all of you whenever i want, family and friends?
thanks for taking a dive..or doing a canon ball, rather, into my psyche with me.