Thursday, April 16, 2009

a driver's license saga.

this is me thanking you for de-lurking yourselves yesterday.
i feel so loved.
and refreshed.
and re-inspired.
and ready to blog again.

in fact, since i feel like we're all such good friends now, and that much closer, i've decided to tell you a little something about me. a little secret, perhaps. and, let you into my circle of trust.

*now please note, what you are about to read is me putting aside years of built-up pride. i realllllyyyy hate to admit this. and i probably will deny it if you ask me about it. but here it goes:

driving isn't my best skill.

and, like most of my faults, i won't take responsibility for it.
no, no.
i blame it on my blood.

you see, my brother, when taking us to school every morning in high school, hit several moving and stationary objects with our steel beast: a bus, several curbs, just to name a few. he got pulled over once for speeding after zooming past a cop on the freeway. seriously, who doesn't notice a copper driving RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU?

now i've had my fair share of fender benders...backing into several things, hitting a wall in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building Parking lot while admiring my new engagement ring (now that's another story), rear-ending a tow-truck that left it's beautiful dent in my front bumper, which created such whiplash that it sent all my beautiful hand-dipped chocolate strawberries (of which i had lovingly made for my kindergartners on Valentine's Day last year) to squish and squash all over my dashboard, and most recently, 180-ing on I-15 in a snow storm, only to run into a mile-marker...which sent my side-view mirror flying into some nearby mound of snow. UGH. anyways, i've also been infamous for speeding... getting several tickets for it in my past...and even for running a red light (which, might i add, got sent to my in-laws house...and there were pictures of me cluelessly staring into the abyss. and fyi: red light tickets in california are 400 bucks. now that's an OUCH).

and let's not forget my lovely baby sis...backing into gardening trucks...or better yet, destroying someone's garage/yard after plummeting through it with someone else's car...when she was 13.

yeah, like i said, we Hartley's aren't known for our driving skills.

but i'm not really here to talk about that.
i'm here to talk about my recent DMV experience.

here comes my confession. the realll point of this post (deep breath).
for the last 18 months, i've been driving with an expired license (GASP!).
i know, right!? how could i be so careless? don't i care about the law? what kind of example am i giving to my children?? what if, just WHAT IF i had gotten pulled over in the last year and a half??

don't you worry, i've thought all those things myself.
now, i know you're asking yourself, or you're getting ready to ask me, Marci, why in the world did you wait so long to get your license renewed? are you taking crazy pills??
i have a really really bad answer.
no, really.
it's bad.

i didn't want a new picture.
stop judging me.
you see, when i got married, i had to get a new license to change my name. that was only like 3 1/2 years ago. and, for once in my life, i took a tolerable drivers license that i liked and wasn't embarrassed to show to people when they asked to see it...

and i really really didn't want to go take a new one because i knew that i wouldn't get so lucky twice. especially since my license expired while i was pregnant. and every pregnant lady agrees that they just don't look like their normal lovely self. i mean, who wants a swollen driver's license picture??
oh man.
i'm horrible, huh?

well, when we changed our car insurance a few weeks ago, we got a notice saying that if i didn't renew my license right away, something awful would happen to a skyscraper would fall on me...or something equally frightening. so, i went to the DMV.

i was so scared. what were they going to say to such a law-breaker??
if i'm being honest, they didn't say much.
all the lady said was,
"wow, 18 months. where've you been lady?"
and i just chuckled.
and said "i know, seriously."
and that was that.

of course, i had to take the stupid test. but it wasn't so bad...i mean, it's open-book, people. so, 25/25 points later, i was up standing in front of that weird screen thingy. and begged the lady, "please, i know this is silly, but can i please keep my picture?"
she said no.
and snapped a new one.

this is what they gave me:

look at my nose!
really, look closely.
it looks HUMUNGO! all smashed in and creepy lookin'. i look like a weirdee.
i just knew it would be bad.

but luckily, when they mailed me the real one, it wasn't so bad as i thought.

and even though i miss my old license and picture, i'm happy to not be breaking the law every time i get behind the wheel.

ok, now you know a little secret about me. shhhhhhhh. don't tell :)



ed and kelli said...

hahah that is so freakin awesome. i too didn't want to get mine renewed.. if you look back on my blog you can see my first one from arizona.. HORRIBLE!!! seriously, like i got beat.. luckily i got a new one, but its still not great, so much so that i still carry my utah license with me just to prove i don't always look as horrible as arizona documents that i do. haha

Amy said...

oh those Hartley drivers, haha! Love that family!

You are too funny. Glad to know we all have our little secrets! :)

Shaylynn..Shay..Shayzers...Shaybo...Shaybe..Shaymus... said...

That's too funny! Not to burst your bubble, but at the DMV they let me decide if i wanted another picture or not. The Ut & PA DMV. You photo taker must have really not liked you:) jk, it's a fab shot.

Leah said...

Okay, I have to tell you, your driver's license picture is 200 MILLION times better than mine.

In my Cali driver's license, I looked HOT. I mean REALLY HOT. In my Utah license pic, I look like I have no eyebrows OR eyelashes. Kind of like a Star Trek alien. I'll show you sometime. You'll feel better.

Linda said...

Hey! Speak for yourself!!!!! I am not a bad driver! And.... WHAT?????? I didn't know about half of those accidents ! Hugh!
Still... way to make things right.
I look constipated in my DL picture, very distressing... but I would be a mess driving without a license! The police would catch me the first day!

Barbes said...

I'm proud you're a donor!

Jill said...

You are hilarious! I love it. And I don't think you could ever take a bad picture. You look adorable.
Glad you got some awesome comments on your lurking post. Fun huh. Not everyone commented though because you have 91 people subscribed to your there are still some sneaky one's out there! lol

Adrienne said...

ha ha okay I haven't gotten my new drivers license since we moved out of state for the same reason... oh and when I was supposed to renew after I got married I was pregnant too so I did it by mail (no picture) but after your post I will be making my way to the DMV before mine becomes illegal :)

Mat Shaw said...

Okay, this is Brooke (Ferguson) Shaw...not Mat-- but anyway, I read this post yesterday and just sat in my chair laughing endlessly! Had a hard time not wetting my pants! So I thought maybe I was just having one of those days when everything was funny to me or something. Well, I just read the post again, only this time out loud to my husband... and it was even funnier! I was laughing so hard it made me cry! The tears are still on my cheeks as I leave you this comment :) Maybe it's just so dang funny to me because I know you... and sure miss you and all your humor! So glad you finally renewed that license :) If nothing else it was worth it just so you could leave that post on your blog!

Kris said...

I know how you feel about not wanting a pffy-faced pregnancy picture for your license. I took my Costco Am Ex picture when I was all pffy faced and I still have it and HATE showing it to people. So, I really don't blame you.