two weeks ago my life changed forever.
can it really have been two weeks already? or has it only been two weeks
since everything happened? time is such a strange thing, isn't it?
it has been two weeks since our baby boy, Maximus Michael Chapman was
born. the thing we'd been dreaming about, praying over, and preparing
for was finally here. Max survived childbirth, in spite of his many
challenges. he was perfect. when they finally placed him in my arms for
the first time, i closed my eyes and couldn't open them. i had never had
someone so heavenly in my presence, and i didn't want to let go. that
would be the theme for the rest of his little life: i never wanted to
let go. i still never want to let go.
Max returned peacefully to our Heavenly Father on Friday afternoon
(March 15) while laying in my arms. it makes me emotional to type those
words; my little heart breaks all over again any time i realize that Max
is no longer with us. four days of life is just too short, isn't it? but then i remember what a gift those four days truly were, and i feel
blessed and grateful and overwhelmed with love. we are in God's hands -
and Max is too.
i don't have time (or the emotional strength) to write everything that
has occurred before, during and since then just yet. it feels like a
foggy haze in some ways. and in others, everything is crystal clear -
like watching a movie full of beautiful imagery, precious moments and
scenes full of emotions of all varieties. but i promise to come back and
write the details of it all soon -- it's all too beautiful to go
unremembered. until then, know that we are ok. Max was and continues to
be a gift to our family. i miss him terribly! but we are being flooded with kindnesses and love; so much so, that its
hard to stay sad for too long. i am so incredibly thankful for all of the
service and prayers offered on our behalf. we continue to feel them
lifting us up. what an incredible blessing. thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
and then there is the knowledge i have, through the
gospel of Jesus Christ, that i'll get to hug and love on my sweet boy
with my eternal family again someday. never before has that truth meant more
to me. it surrounds me with peace and comfort...and an overwhelming
appreciation for my Savior and His magnificent atonement that makes our
eternal existence possible. we'll be together again -- we'll see each other again -- we'll hug and love on each other again -- isn't that truly amazing?
i just love our sweet Max, always and forever. because i knew him, i have been changed for good.
*a big thank you to my beautiful friend Denae for taking some priceless pictures of my family together (photos 2 & 4, and many more to come)