moody soul scribblings.

what's going on with me today?
glad you asked:

and i think that pretty much sums it up.

xoxo

the do's and don'ts of being home alone.

well, this last week, i unfortunately weathered the storm, all by my lonesome (quite literally actually, as every morning i woke up to hearing rain fall from my window…pretty romantic…in a lonely sorta way). you see, M’s parents were enjoying a wonderful excursion to Mexico—and M tried to enjoy (as much as you can enjoy work and stuff) a work-ful excursion to Arizona…which left me and E alone in this big house.

sounds cool to you, huh? well it is, for the first 10 minutes…heck even the first day or two. you get to do things your own way, you get to cook whatever the heck you want (or not even cook at all) to your own little heart’s content, you can walk around in your undies (something i haven’t done in a LONG time),  and you can go to bed whenever the heck you want. but then after those first couple of days you realize: you’re not sure exactly what your own way is anymore, you kind of like cooking for someone else…especially since going through all the hassle for just yourself just isn’t as cool, you feel somewhat embarrassed about the whole undies thing, and you feel so creeped out in the night time that neither staying up late nor going to bed early remedies the situation. sigh.  still, M has gone out of town quite a bit lately- so i thought i’d share some of my do’s and don’ts  of being home alone.

(side note: some of my do’s are things that i do, but aren’t things you necessarily should do. does that even make sense? is there a difference? i’d argue it does …and there is).

Do:

get a good book to read while the Mr. is away. reading is such a good way to get lost in another world and forget about your own loneliness. thanks to my all-star friend Bec, i picked up this lovely find this last week:

and yes, i think you should read it. it’s a beautiful book.

Don't:

read creepy news stories in the newspaper or on the net. they will make you paranoid. and they will make you think you are hearing things in your house while you are reading them.

Do:

get into a new t.v. show…or rewatch an old one you love, and then play those bad-boys to drown out the silence. this last week, i rewatched a season of Gilmore Girls, recorded and watched several episodes of Clean House (so that i could fast-forward to the good parts- like knowing how much mula they made at the garage sale and seeing the reveal of the house), and watched several other HGTV shows and DIY shows. (these were all in addition to my regularly scheduled shows. wow, i’m shallow).

Don’t:

watch 24. that would be stupid. just flipping through the channels and hearing the sound of the timer beeping gave me the willies. i love watching Jack…but man he gives me nightmares.

Do:

run up the stairs…as fast as you can…every.single.time. seriously. it’ll make you feel better. oh, and be sure to check over your shoulder once or twice to make sure nobody’s there. that’ll make you feel better too.

Don’t:

turn out all the lights. unless you want to really be creeped out.

Do:

check friends’ blogs and facebook each day. it will make you remember that you do have friends out there somewhere. (or if you are lucky enough to live nearby friends, you could get together with them too. i’m still working on taking friendships to that next level of “hanging out” out here….it takes time. Sigh.). or calling them works too. thanks to my friends/family out there who call/text me, even if i don’t always respond (having a toddler who thinks my phone is her phone really makes the whole “talking on the phone” thing quite difficult).

Don’t:

blog about being home alone until you aren’t home alone anymore. maybe i’m becoming too cynical, but think of all the creepers out there. as much as i was tempted to update my facebook status to say “feeling lonely and loserish without the hubs and my fam tonight” i kept thinking of some wack job reading that status and then finding me and taking me to Europe like in that movie Taken.

Do:

treat yourself to treats. but not until the night time. it's like a little reward for making it through one more day all alone. i personally tried a couple new recipes (ones that i either wanted to try but not worry about it not turning out or whether or not someone else would like it...or maybe it was that i just didn't want to have to share with anybody) and also took E out for some girls' nights frozen yogurt time. she loved that. and i won't lie, i loved it too.

Don't:

worry about the extra calories. seriously- just throw those resolutions out the window. and give yourself a break. you deserve it. you've been with the kid alone all day...or maybe you've just braved the storm all alone all day. you're awesome for that.

Do:

dress up in your old Prom gown and pretend that you are attending the Golden Globes.

Don't:

show anyone a picture of that dressing up...because that would be embarrassing and awkward.

ok, now i'm getting embarrassed about my do's and don'ts. so i'll stop.
but you get the idea. 

xoxo

a dream come true: Disneyland.

confession: all my life, i've dreamed of the day that i could take my own kid to Disneyland for the first time.
confession 2: i may have been more excited for this Disneyland excursion than i was for Christmas this year (gasp!). crazy, i know...but true.

and you know, everyone kept telling me, "no no, you shouldn't take your little toddler to Disneyland- they won't enjoy it- and they won't even remember it...and it will be a nightmare..and what will you do about a nap? and expect lots of lots of meltdowns."
to all of those everyones, i say, you. were. totally. wrong.

i thought meeting Elmo was the best day of her life.
but that was until she went to Disneyland.
she LOVED it! we all loved it.

Ellie was awe-struck, amazed, giddy, happy, funny, ecstatic, and pretty much just in heaven. i've never seen her like that. so entertained, so engaged, so overjoyed around every corner.
sure, there were "moments." but c'mon, she's an 18-month old. and the moments were few compared to the happy ones. and also, the "moments" usually were associated with waiting in line and then experiencing rides that she was entirely uninterested in or freaked out by (aka, Peter Pan's Flight- which i totally talked up because she loves Tink...but came to realize that Tink is only in it once for like 2 seconds and she's like 6 inches....my bad)- which, can you blame her?

Ellie's favorite parts of the day:
-the Winnie the Pooh ride, which she did with Gammy, and meeting Winnie the Pooh (she loovvveeed the characters)
-the It's A Small World ride- which they've re-done into this Holiday ride...it was SO cute, the music didn't get stuck in my head- and Ellie kept saying "again, again again?" after we got off.
-The Celebrate/Dance Party Parade. we were front & center for this parade- and Ellie LOVED this! the characters all came and danced right in front of her, which she was totally stoked about. she even got to dance with them, too (which mostly consisted of me dancing and trying to coax her into dancing). she was also amazed that Mickey & Minnie gave her high-fives. "woooowwww," she said. so cute.
-giving Tinkerbell a hug. she was a little freaked out by Terrence (from the Tink 2 movie), but then once we walked away, she kept asking for him. i think the fact that these characters weren't in a big suit made them a little more real, and therefore a little more intimidating for her...but man, she was amazed to see Tinkerbell, in the flesh. she LOVES Tink.
-eating a big bag of cotton candy at the end of the day. in fact, she fell asleep on my shoulder walking to the car, and when i was buckling her in her carseat, she opened her eyes, and in a groggy lil voice said, "moore caandy?" and then went right back to snoozin. made me laugh.
-enjoying the whole day with her Gammy & Pops. she loovvveed having them there.

my favorite parts of the day:
-watching every little expression that came across Ellie's face with each new thing we did.
-having Gammy & Pops there to enjoy it all with us...and to watch Ellie so mr. M and i could go on a few rides together. sa-weet!
-the Monte Cristo sandwich at a little cafe in New Orleans.....deeeelliiisssh
-enjoying a whole day, stress free, with the hubs!
-seeing Ellie keep the Minnie Mouse ears on for most of the day. so cute!
-having Ellie crash on my shoulder at the end of the day. it was the perfect, sweetest finish.

all in all, it was the most lovely day- my favorite of our trip, and i think Ellie (& M's) too. i guess you could say it was a dream come true.

xoxo

sea world & "cha-moo"

has anyone been to Sea World recently and seen the Shamu show, Believe? well, let me tell you two little secrets about it:
1. it's awesome.
2. it's slightly weird because they have you do this weird chant thing where you put your arms in the air, one at a time and chant "Shamu, Shamu" to get him to splash everybody.
2a. and even though i kinda feel like i'm in some weird cult when i do the shamu chant, i secretly really like it and it gives me chills. and i reaaally realllly loved how the rest of the day, Ellie kept saying "chaaa-moooo, chaaaa-mooo!"

we had a fabulous time at Sea World.

{and as if touching Star Fish and blowing kisses to penguin, and watching Shamu do jumps and tricks and laughing at the silly Seals and seeing the dolphins do their adorable tricks and being freaked out by the crazy shark tunnel wasn't all good enough, meeting Elmo was really the crowning moment to the day...but i already told you about that here}.

xoxo

our coastal solace

oh hi again. it's me. a renewed, vacationed me. one that looks a little less stressed and tired and a little more rested and beachy. kinda like this:

we're back from our little escapade to visit my parents in Southern California...we snatched up some ridiculously cheap airfare about a month ago to visit them (since M hadn't seen them since before we moved)- and the timing couldn't have been more perfect-- we needed a reason to escape our snow-ball project of a house and really rest up before M started into busy season...(which is now in full force, as he won't be coming home tonight until 10:00 pm...let the widowhood begin).

for journaling's sake (and for the day that i decide to print this sucker out) i'm going to do a couple of different posts from our trip. ok? ok.

one of our favorite parts of being down there (aside from lots of laughs from my funny parents, yummy food, and silly moments of wrong turns funny conversations) was enjoying the beautiful coastline just minutes from their home. every morning, we enjoyed a run on the coast- and can i just say, i love running on the beach.

is there anything that feels better? perfect temperature, beautiful surroundings, yummy smells, lovely sounds. ah. i heart the beach. anyway, the first night, M and i walked down and enjoyed the sunset- and we knew that Ellie would love it. so we went back the next night and took her...

...of course she was ticked when it got dark and she couldn't see her shovel anymore and realized that we were leaving...

...so we went back again before we left and let her play some more. man, she looovvveees the beach. the rest of the time, she kept saying to me, "sand? sand? sand?," as if to say, "mama, take me to the sand. i've got some serious digging to do."

now, all is never hunky dory when it comes to beach trips. and let's get real, this is ME we're talking about, so of course random stuff always happens. well, when i took Ellie down to play the second time, i pulled out some goldfish crackers about 20 minutes into playing, like any good mom would do. all of a sudden, a flock of seagulls surrounded me. well, it wasn't like i was going to share some with them, so i hid the crackers underneath my legs. a few minutes later, i pulled them out again and popped a couple in my mouth- and offered some to Ellie. now, she was in the opposite direction of one of the birds...and so naturally, i looked toward her, away from the bird. well, that nasty sucker came and nipped the bag right out of my hand! i literally screamed out loud and grabbed the fallen bag from the floor and the closest thing i could find, a small hand towel- and that thing came right back for more. it was not scared of little ole me one bit- but it shoulda been- because i started swinging that hand-towel like a banchee- and i hit the bird- 2, maybe 3 times. i looked down at my arm, and i had two large scratches. SERIOUSLY. TWO!! they are still kinda there, and i admit that i'm a little concerned that i might have rabies or something. now, you'd thing the dang bird woulda gotten a clue- but he didn't. he still lurked right there, waiting for me to mess up again and look away. what did he think i was? a ding dong? my eyes were right on that thing- and i kept saying to him, "it's a crying shame for you we're not in Utah- because there i couldn't do THIS!" and i'd throw sand on it. maybe it was a little harsh. but he ruined some perfectly good fish. plus, i could technically blame it on the rabies. just sayin.

{the rabies-infested-goldfish-stealing seagull}

and thus ends our excursion(s) to the beach.

xoxo

the best day of ellie's life.

guess who Ellie got to meet today?

you guessed it! ELMO! in the FLESH! 

and how did the Ellie-Elmo encounter go, you ask? well.... i'll let you take a look and decide for yourself:

she was as smitten as any love-struck girl ever gets.
pretty much the cutest thing ever.
needless to say, we are having a fabulous time enjoying some much needed R&R in Southern California with my family. more to come on our quirky-turkey adventures soon.

xoxo

dear 2009,

{us Chapmans getting ready to ring in the new year- M's mom had this really cute idea for all of us to decorate our own party hats. even Ellie had a little head-band to decorate! i'm totally gonna have this be a family tradition because it was so fun}.

what a year, what a year. i feel like i blinked and you disappeared. (or maybe it was that i fell asleep and woke up realizing that the ball had dropped and everyone drank their bubbly without me...that's what i get for being a morning person...aka NOT a night person). wow. i get sad thinking of telling you good bye. because, well, because you were a good year to me and my family. a year of hope, a year of crazy changes, a year of good-byes, a year of hellos, a year of friendships and relationships, and a year of stress, happiness, and joy. and to add to all of that, you were the last year to the decade of my youth. yes, i may be gripping to hold on to that decade of my youth a bit longer...but i promise i'll give it up soon. maybe after i reminisce just a little bit with you and thank you for lots and lots of things.

you gave me many gifts this year- one of them being a new job at a new school. together we met the cutest little five-year olds with the cutest parents in the cutest little community. i hope to never forget them and the things they taught me about love, life, snacks, learning, reading, friendship, humor, shapes, math, and trust. you tried to teach me how to balance being a mommy and a teacher- even though i stunk at it pretty bad. you also helped me forge relationships and friendships with the neatest ladies in the world- co-workers who i learned so much from, gained inspiration and guidance from, and consider dear friends. you showed me that next to my religion and my calling as a mom,being a teacher brings me the most fulfillment and joy.

while i loved my experience as a teacher, you helped me celebrate early retirement. wow was i glad to be done balancing being a young mom and a teacher...for now. you gave me the gift of being able to be a stay-at-home mom for the first time in my life- how will i ever repay you? i've never been so happy doing anything in my entire life.

oh man, and remember all of our car drama this year? break-downs on the free-way wth engine problems, flat tires, spin-outs on the snowy high-way... but somehow you provided me with safety. thank you for keeping me and my family safe.

you gave me new t.v. shows to love and reinforced my love for old ones. i grew to become incomplete without my weekly fill of Kris Allen's breathtaking renditions of any song he sang, House's sarcasm, Kate, Sawyer, Jack, John, Ben & Juliette (& everyone in between)'s drama and mysteries, awe-inspiring dance routines, Pam & Jim's romance and Michael's lack-thereof, and finally, Glee music that stays in my head till the following week when i get new songs to stick in my head. and while i know that i probably could and should be putting my energy into something with a little more substance-- i didn't. and i won't. because i like t.v. a lot. thank you for bringing me some great seasons of tv, 2009.

you helped me forge and strengthen wonderful friendships and relationships- some already existing, and some new. some in real-life, and some in this fantasy world i call the blogosphere. in times when i could've felt lonely and isolated, you put people in my path to help me feel validated and loved.

you also were with me to survive my first year of motherhood. it was stinky, messy, tantrumy, fun, exciting, slobbery, funny, joyful, stressful, expensive, multitask-ful, tiresome, rewarding, frustrating, fulfilling, and lovely in each of its outstanding emotions. you taught me that motherhood is it's own journey...on which i have only taken 2 baby steps, and includes ups, downs, curves, spins, and lots of hugs and kisses. you taught me to love being a mom. thank you for that.

you watched us close the chapter of BYU-- one that seemed would never end-- one that we were so sad to close-- and still are sad that is over. you helped M finish strong in his studies and gave us many wonderful memories at basketball games and football games and on-campus festivities. you gave us pride in knowing that we will always be Cougars at heart even though we had to move away. rise and shout, rah rah, rah rah rah!!

you were right by me when i fell down the stairs in sacrament meeting. and almost cursed. i think you may have laughed a little. i won't hold it against you.

we celebrated 4 years of marriage together. you made me remember why i chose M-- because he was the kindest person i had ever met, and still is the kindest man on the face of the earth. man, i'm lucky. thanks for helping me remember how lucky i truly am.

we felt our families grow even closer together-- as we celebrated all sorts of occasions together including birthdays, fourth of july festivities, Easters, births, homecomings, farewells, graduations, concerts, Halloween parties, family dinners, outings, and everything in between. you gave me the overwhelming sense of belonging and meaning with each new memory that was made with my family and M's family. you helped me gain greater love and appreciation for the people in life who matter most: family.

you gave us the most wonderful summer to date- with trips and vacations- a community garden to tend to- and excursions to the local water park and the library. you let us work on our tans and gave us reason to be lazy and free. really, you gave us the greatest gift of all: time to spend together. thank you for giving us time.

and then it was time for us to move. and you were there. you were there with every frame i took off the walls of that little apartment we had lived in for 3 years. you were there with every box that was intricately packed. you watched us throw together about 10 "random" boxes at 4:00 am when we just wanted the packing to be over...and then you saw the hot tears roll down when i saw that place all empty and bare...the place that had once been full of messes and crumbs...yummy dinners and funny friends....and lots of love and laughter. you were there through all the goodbyes. and even though my heart pulled me back and wanted me to stay, you helped me be strong and move forward.

so then we came here. to beautiful Northern California. we experienced overwhelming love and support in every corner from M's family. they feed us, they shelter us, they introduce us to people to help us feel a part of a new community. they showed true excitement we were here- which made the move and transition much easier. together we definitely have invaded their space- with toys, crumbs, messes, laughter, sesame street, extended bath-times, laundry, and much much more. and yet, we definitely have become greater friends and created new wonderful memories. you helped us be happy in our new surroundings.

with that said, you helped M start his career here in NorCal.
which was scary.
and made life seem more...real.
and while we miss the time together...we are sooo grateful for the security that comes with having a job in this crazy time of economic hardship (including the paychecks).

in the mean time, you watched over my family as they moved from my childhood house. there were lots and lots of tears. how do you say goodbye to memories, and so many people, and your favorite tree, and your bedroom floor that you spilled countless jars of nail-polish on, and your closet that is still adorned with the stickers of Ben Affleck in it, and the window that you used to look out and pray from...and then secretly wish on the stars and the moon for all those embarrassing things that i'd never in a million years admit to...? you can't. and you were ok with that. you let us cry...and helped us find comfort in knowing that that will always and forever be my childhood home- the house to my memories and childhood dreams.

and then you were with us when we found our first house.
and it's been...busy ever since. turning and old run-down house into a home isn't as easy as it sounds.
and even though you didn't help us see it finished, you gave us that house. we are grateful to you for that- and hope that your sister, 2010, can help us get it done!

and, while all that i said is nice and fluffy and made you really special and unique...
it all seems frivolous unless i add our sweet Ellie to the mix.

you'll always be the one that she discovered the world with for the first time. you were there when she said her first words, when she drank her first sippy of apple juice and became an addict, when she took her first step and became an instant pro, when she gave us her first kisses and said her first "love you," when she learned how to wave, and clap- you were there when she ate her first cake (and all was down-hill from there in the sugar department). you were with us when she experienced Elmo for the first time, and saw the animals at the zoo. you gave her confidence, spunk, stubborness, and her sweet personality that is simply addicting and fills your soul in ways you didn't even know was possible. you helped her transition from the Baby world to the toddler world- and boy is it wonderful. and when all is said and done, it is because of Ellie that my belief in all things spiritual has increased, my gratitude for my own Parents has been strengthened, and my knowledge of my Heavenly Father and my Savior's presences in my life has become immovable.

and so, 2009, you are irreplaceable. i'll always remember you- the year of change. thank you for hangin' in there with us..and for letting us hang out with you. i miss you already, my dear friend! and will love you forever,

xoxo,
Marce