i'm laying in my bed, by myself with Oreo cookie crumbs scattered on my chest and sheets (yes, i broke my own rule of no eating in the bed) and having a hard time falling asleep. oh and i may or may not be watching the Glee season finale...for like the 15th time.
yep, it's true...M is traveling yet again...it feels like he's never home for longer than 10 seconds these days, before he's off again. such a weird reality to be in...one that i don't like one bit..but that doesn't seem to be going away any time soon. and so i continue to suffer from traveling-husband-has-turned-me-into-a-widow-disease....aka: loneliness. fine, i'll admit it, i get terribly lonely.
now let me back up: i consider myself a fairly independent person. i like doing my own thang- and i can handle Ellie by myself, and eating by myself and picking up by myself and even watching shows by myself. in fact, it's kinda nice sometimes to not have to worry about another human being at the end of the day and if their needs are being met. but that usually lasts for about a day...until i just feel like part of my little soul is missing.
that missing feeling especially happens when its time to go to bed. i despise going to bed by myself- i am a scaredy cat. All of a sudden i see weird shadows everywhere, hear random noises in my bathroom and kitchen, and the bed seems enormous...like its going to swallow me and never ever regurgitate me.
to make matters worse, i even have terrible nightmares- like how last night i dreamed that M divorced me after the baby was born and married his cousin. sick, right? but it was terribly realistic and had me waking up in tears...with no M to console me to reassure me that he loves me and is not into incest.
and so tonight i am thinking about my M, while he is traveling, yet again, and how much i love him. and about how even though i can be miss independent for about 10 seconds, i much prefer being Mrs. Chapman.
do any of you have the traveling-husband-disease? how do you cope? just curious.
i obviously cope with excessive amounts of facebook status updates, reruns of my favorite shows, Oreo crumbs in my bed, and pointless blog posts. thank heavens he comes home soon :)
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