Wednesday, August 25, 2010

missing.

(slight disclaimer: i wrote this post last night...but outta legitimate fear of the boogie man and other less-than-fictional creepers out there knowing that my man was gone, and coming to my house to hide in my closet or bed or other creepy things...i waited till this morning to post it...thank goodness M returns from traveling today.)

i'm laying in my bed, by myself with Oreo cookie crumbs scattered on my chest and sheets (yes, i broke my own rule of no eating in the bed) and having a hard time falling asleep. oh and i may or may not be watching the Glee season finale...for like the 15th time.

yep, it's true...M is traveling yet again...it feels like he's never home for longer than 10 seconds these days, before he's off again. such a weird reality to be in...one that i don't like one bit..but that doesn't seem to be going away any time soon. and so i continue to suffer from traveling-husband-has-turned-me-into-a-widow-disease....aka: loneliness. fine, i'll admit it, i get terribly lonely.

now let me back up: i consider myself a fairly independent person. i like doing my own thang- and i can handle Ellie by myself, and eating by myself and picking up by myself and even watching shows by myself. in fact, it's kinda nice sometimes to not have to worry about another human being at the end of the day and if their needs are being met. but that usually lasts for about a day...until i just feel like part of my little soul is missing.

that missing feeling especially happens when its time to go to bed. i despise going to bed by myself- i am a scaredy cat. All of a sudden i see weird shadows everywhere, hear random noises in my bathroom and kitchen, and the bed seems enormous...like its going to swallow me and never ever regurgitate me.

to make matters worse, i even have terrible nightmares- like how last night i dreamed that M divorced me after the baby was born and married his cousin. sick, right? but it was terribly realistic and had me waking up in tears...with no M to console me to reassure me that he loves me and is not into incest.

and so tonight i am thinking about my M, while he is traveling, yet again, and how much i love him. and about how even though i can be miss independent for about 10 seconds, i much prefer being Mrs. Chapman.



do any of you have the traveling-husband-disease? how do you cope? just curious.

i obviously cope with excessive amounts of facebook status updates, reruns of my favorite shows, Oreo crumbs in my bed, and pointless blog posts. thank heavens he comes home soon :)

xoxo

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

13 comments:

Amber said...

Ben's job doesn't require him to travel, but when he was the YM Pres he had to camp a lot. I feel a little lost when Ben's gone. I think you're totally justified in coping with chocolate and Glee; great choices really. I think you're super tough--good job.

jenny said...

Oh I hear ya. I HATE the random noises when Chris is gone at night. Usually I fall asleep with my iPod in my ear--except I can't turn it up too high because then I start worrying someone's breaking in and I can't hear it. Sigh. Glad he is coming home today for you!

Tyson, Kaylee and Lucy said...

As Pathetic as this is...I use my dogs and Now my baby to comfort me if Tyson is gone. I am real naughty and have my pups sleep on his side of the bed if he is gone. That way I feel like someone is there.

Megs said...

Well, I used to think I was the Queen of being Mrs. Lonely with how often Tim was gone (6 out of 8 weeks once...yikes!).

And I feel the same as you - I'm a very independent person and mother. But then the nighttime comes and I CANNOT sleep without Tim in the bed next to me. What happened to the days before we were married and I was able to sleep every night? Well, those days are gone.

I'm sorry that, after 3 years of literally having no husband most weeks, I don't have any magical advice. I did mostly what you are already doing. I always made sure that we talked on the phone, or via chat if he didn't have service, as late as he possibly could. Then I would stay up until the wee morning hours watching my favorite movies over & over again - 'Pride & Prejudice' and 'You've Got Mail' are superb at any time, but especially in those wee hours. I would watch movies and read until I was literally ready to pass out. Then I knew I could finally sleep! LOL. Sorry, I am no help.

Husbands are nice to have around!

Tiffany Johnson said...

Girl, I can sympathize, although Nate makes it home to bed every night.. he is gone A LOT! I agree with it being nice to have some alone time, but if I had my choice about it, in the end, i really would also rather have my hubby around more. I wish I lived closer so we could play more and hang out more and console eachother more!! I also miss you guys a ton.. i'm not gonna lie. I know I don't keep in touch as much as I want to, we have been crazy busy, but alas, we miss you. I miss seeing you at church.. or on walks.. or parties. It's just not the same.

I hope things get better and you aren't seeing scary shadows... hopefully you'll eventually get use to it huh?? Yeah, right. :-) I'm thinkin of ya!!

erin 'n phil said...

my hubby's gone a lot too. I cope with laying on the couch watching tv and eating junk food. I'm not so good at it eitehr.

The Hurst Family said...

I understand how you feel. I read a lot and watch a lot of TV as you already know. Fortunately I don't have any trouble sleeping, it's just going to bed that I hate. Sure glad there's Facebook and blogging.

Linda said...

Never stop missing him.
It will get easier, promise. But it's good to feel the void.
I wish I was there... or you here. We could keep each other company.
hugs.

Caleb and Danyelle Heder said...

So Marci...we should be friends!!! Haha, I'm so very glad to hear that someone else is afraid of the dark when there husband isn't there! I just thought I was a big scardy-cat!!!

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Jacki said...

Glad I found your blog!

When Rob is gone I spend a lot of time whining at him over the phone. It doesn't help.

Jill said...

ditto ditto ditto. facebook and DVR'd shows, brownies and DR P all become my best friends :)

C and C said...

I totally get where you are coming from. Bedtime/nighttime is the WORST! I had an added trouble that when my husband was working out of state for 4 months, my dog would bark in the middle of the night to nothing because he also "heard" things. So if it wasn't worse enough that I thought I heard things all night, my dog did too!! I guess the only advice I have for you is to know that your husband will be back and things will be better when he does. And just be happy you don't have a crazy dog waking you up every other hour. Good luck fellow Dart :)