sweet assurance

sharing things of a spiritual nature, things that pertain to the soul, can sometimes be...uncomfortable.
like putting on an itchy wool sweater on your bare lil skin.
or like walking up and talking to somebody that you don't know in a new setting...and in a big group (a situation i am finding myself in often these days).

i was talking to my mom about this years ago, and she explained something to me that completely made sense. she said,
"spirituality is initmacy. that's why some people are apprehensive to share spiritual things with just anybody. spiritual matters are intimate."

i've thought about that a lot in my life.
and i've come to realize that it's true.
the people i'm closest with, that know my true self, know my spiritual self. and it's easy to be spiritually intimate.
people i don't know so much....it isn't as easy.

this last weekend, i was privileged enough to attend a women's conference out here in Nor Cal called "Time Out For Women." i had never been before... in fact, i had never heard of such a thing. as far as i was concerned, it was a place where all the naughty moms went to get the justice they deserved for putting their naughty toddlers in time out.

luckily i was wrong.

it was a spiritual feast. a feast to fill my starving soul....and to be honest, i didn't even realize that i was hungry. life does that sometimes. gets your soul all depleated of energy and nutrients...without you even knowing it.

well, i've been trying to figure out a way to convey the immense power and rejuvenation i felt from this conference to you... and i've had a hard time getting my feelings out.

and i think that it's maybe because of what i told you before...that spirituality is intimacy. and i haven't really figured out a way to be intimately spiritual on my public lil blog without being preachy, dramatic, and (my least favorite) insincere.

however.

i keep feeling impressed to share some of my feelings.

::hot tears trickle down face::

because there are simply things that i can't stop feeling. things i can't not remember. and things i can't not share.

so.

here i go.
we arrived to the meeting.
i felt hopeful that i would be uplifted.
i knew that i'd probably feel the spirit.
but.
i was worried the meeting might feel a little...long. after all, it was scheduled from 6:30 to 9:30...three hours. on a friday night. whoa.
still, i was feelin' pretty optimistic.
you see i was there with my mother-in-law and some cute ladies from my new ward.
we were staying in a cute, fancy shmancy hotel that night.
there were lots of delicious treats we had brought...including homemade snickers (a recipe i definitely need to share. positively divine, sinful, and delicious in every way. remind me!)
so i knew regardless it would be a fun night.

well, sister Wendy Watson Nelson, Elder Nelson's new wife, spoke first.
and almost the first thing she said (next to a couple of jokes and a brief introduction) was this:
"what's the one question you need answered tonight?"
she then explained that someone many years ago advised her to always go to General Conference or another spiritual meeting with a question. He promised her that she would get an answer to that question every single time. so she did.
and yes.
it worked.
{of course}.
she then gave the following admonition:
"do the same. think of a question that is weighing your mind down tonight. write it down.
if you can't think of one tonight, take my thirty day experiment. take a question, one question that you need answered, with you to the scriptures each day. they will tell you all things what ye should do."

this hit me.
it worked for Wendy Watson Nelson.
it had worked for me before.
so maybe i should write down a question.

i thought really hard about my life.
i thought about what things may be weighing me down.
one stood out above all.

"where does the Lord want me and my family right now?"

a little background: hubby M and i have been looking for weeks and weeks for a place to call our own. we found this beautiful house just down the street. oh yeah, but it was like 2 million dollars.
yeah, everything here is mega expensive.
or mega ghetto.
or mega-not-what-we're-looking-for-in-some-way.
ugh.
so we've been a bit discouraged.
and i've been wondering,
"does our house even exist?"
"will i ever get to sit on my beautiful black chair or use my lovely aprons again?"
"am i going to be a moochy-daughter-in-law for the rest of my life?"
"where the heck are we supposed to be??"
so you can understand the importance of the answer to this question to me.

fast forward a couple of hours, a bathroom break, some fantastic violin playing, and onto Sister Sheri Dew's talk.
she is an amazing person.
but more than that, she is one of my favorite things: REAL.
well, at one point of her talk, somewhere near the end portion, she randomly said:

"i feel impressed to tell you something. search the scriptures D&C 138 & Abraham 3. read about the noble and great ones. then get on your knees and ask our Heavenly Father if the noble and great ones refer to you. a little hint: it does. we are here now because we are supposed to be here now. you are here now because you are supposed to be here now. for reasons we don't undersatnd, we have been chosen to be here now. do not doubt where you are, for you are where you should be."

i looked around the room.
"is anyone else squirming in their seat right now?," i thought.
i wanted to stand up and say,
"hey, Sheri, did you read what i wrote on my paper?
are you cheating?
how did you know i had asked about where me + hubby should be right now?"
but i knew better than to do something silly and embarrassing like that.
i knew she didn't cheat.
i knew that Heavenly Father was doing just what Wendy Watson Nelson said He would do: answering my question.

the place me + hubby M are supposed to be right now is: right here.
i don't know why.
i don't know for how long.
but i do know without a shadow of a doubt:
we are where we are supposed to be.

it was such a peaceful moment for me.
it was yet another moment that i felt humbled that Heavenly Father is aware of me. and my little, but large (in my eyes) needs.
it was yet another moment that i was strenghtened in the truths that i know.
the most important being:

i know there is a Heavenly Father.
a greater being.
a God.
and i know i am a daughter of that Heavenly Father.
and i know that He can, and does, speak to me.
and most importantly,
i know that He knows and loves me.

the theme of the conference was "Sweet Assurance: the certainty that comes when you know life's truths." there were many other amazing moments of this conference. i wish i could share all of them with you. but instead, i just chose a little snippit...one that i just had to share, maybe selfishly (so that i won't forget), to say that i do receive sweet assurance when i remember life's truths.

and so, i have now become spiritually intimate with all of you.
i've shared a little piece of my soul.
please don't go smash that little piece of soul in someone's face like a piece of banana cream pie.
that just wouldn't be nice.

::sheepish lil grin::

xoxo

*oh yes, and don't forget to enter my giveaway here! you have till Thursday at 12:00 am PST to enter! xoxo*