Sunday, September 28, 2008

the emotional well.

{a sunday stroll}

as of late, i've become an avid reader of c jane & nie nie's blogs. they are so inspiring. if you do not know their stories, i encourage you to read up on them by clicking on the links on my sidebar. in one post c jane recently wrote, she said the following: "I came home thinking about how fast my emotional well is drained these days, and how the funeral of my dear cousin filled it to overflowing." it got me thinking about my own life...and how i couldn't help but feel that my emotional well was too running a bit dry.

then i got a phone call on thursday night from a good friend...who happens to be in the bishopric. our conversation went something like this:

"Hey Marci, how are you tonight?" he asked, clearly NOT calling to just to see how i was doing...

my mind starts racing...i'm good...uh oh...are you calling to ask me speak?? please say no.

"I'm good, what can i do for ya?"

"Well, I was just wondering, have you and M ever spoken in this ward?"

"Yes," I kindly replied...hoping that would somehow put me off the hook from a scary speaking assignment. but i knew better than to hope for that.

"Oh, well, would you and M mind speaking in church on Sunday?"

well, of course i mind. in fact, i wish i could give you a million reasons why i can't speak. because i don't want to. ok?

"Ok- well, let me ask M." maybe M will have a good reason why we can't accept the assignment.

i put the phone on mute...and yelled outside for M.

"M!! Are we going to be here on Sunday??" hoping for a "no, we have a baby blessing," or "no, we're going to my aunt and uncle's house to watch the paint dry." anything.

"Yeah, we're going to be here!" M yelled from across the yard.

ugh. i stare at the phone. should i throw it and break it? could i get ellie to start crying and then i could just tell him honestly that ellie was being fussy and i had better go but i could get back to him...and then never really get back to him??

"Ok, we'll be here. What's the topic?" i cheerfully told him.

"Great! It's on Elder Uchtdorf's talk The Faith of Our Father."

and that was our conversation. we were locked in. speaking in church.

what is it that makes speaking in church such a fearsome experience? i mean, the truth is, some of my greatest testimony-strengthening experiences have come from me getting up and bearing witness of the truthfulness of the gospel and of Jesus Christ. but for some reason, my heart still beats as fast as it used to when i was 10 when i imagine getting walking up to that silly pedestal and microphone.

so, the topic the Faith Of Our Father was on my mind all weekend...inch by inch, unconsciously filling up my empty well.

then, yesterday, M and i visited the temple. confession: it had been a while. any reason i give is quite honestly an empty i won't even try. the minute we walked through those doors, i felt a warm, peaceful feeling- like i finally came home after a long day's work. we were going to the temple with a very important decision in mind. i was nervous about it. i reallllly wanted a different answer than i received. but, i was overwhelmed by the love and peace i felt from above...and am confident that 'everything will work out,' as President Hinckley says. my well was full.

then last night, i shared the company with some of my most favorite women to laugh, talk, share, eat, and learn at the general relief society broadcast. there were several talks that were motivating and inspiring...but all in all, i walked away with a sense of renewal and hope. i walked away thinking, "i know the Lord loves me." my well was past its brim.

today, we spoke. i was impressed by the love and devotion of my mr. M. i was strengthened. and edified. like i always am. i wondered why i was scared. but know i will be again the next time i am asked. my mother and my sister surprised us to listen to us speak. i was reminded how lucky i am to be surrounded by people i love. the emotional well was dripping over.

after church, we went on a walk through the park. we smiled. we held ellie. we held hands. we spent time together. we oogled and awed over our little miracle baby. sigh.

so, today, i feel like i have eaten an emotional thanksgiving feast. my emotional well is overflowing.

{after our sunday stroll}



Beachbummin said...

Your posts are so fun to read. I'm so happy to see that you and your family is doing well. Your little Ellie is so sweet. Take care!
Craig and Reena Bostock

Linda said...

And " THIS" is what life is all about! These kinds of things are the ones we keep forever. They are treasures that " don't rust or corrupt". I am glad you are happy. This is our reward when we live with meaning and purpose, so enjoy it.
Have a wonderful week. Te quiero mucho, mucho, mucho.

David & Emily said...

What a sweet post Marci :) I love reading c jane and nie nie's blogs too, and have definitely cried over them. Also, funny little fact, I had to give a talk of Faith of Our Fathers too! I'm glad it went well for you :)

The Lishes' said...

Fantastic post! Thanks for sharing your story. I'm glad everything turned out for the best. It usually does. It's just hard to wait and go through it all not knowing. And church talks frightened me to no end too! I always think I will get better, but let me assure you this is NOT the case. Oh well, carry on.

Anonymous said...

what a cute story, you make my day with every post fyi! Oh, we are coming down over Conference and if you guys have time, we would love to see you and meet Ellie! Facebook me and we can work out some details!

Ellie said...

i love our walks, mom! they're da bessst.


erin said...

so you got pulled in to the nie nie dialogues too, eh?? so amazing huh? loved this post by the way. I know the feeling.