Sunday, May 4, 2008

i wonder...

i keep having this song pop into my head i wonder about so many things... as baby's d-day is exactly one month away (heart skips a beat).

"what will this day be like? i wonder...
what will my future be? i wonder...
it coud be so exciting to be out in the world, to be free
my heart should be wildly rejoicing
oh, what's the matter with me?

i've always longed for adventure
to do the things i've never dared
and here i'm facing adventure
then why am i so scared?

Julie Andrews as Maria in
The Sound of Music

there are so many things i want to add to Maria's wondering. for example:
1. i wonder what this sweet baby chappy is going to be like...
2. i wonder if i'm going to be a good mommy
3. i wonder what it will be like to realize that i am in labor
4. i wonder what it will feel like to not be pregnant anymore
5. i wonder if i was nice before i was pregnant...
6. i wonder what it will be like to see my parents and M's parents as grandparents
7. i wonder if i am going to deliver early...or (eek) late...
8. i wonder if i am going to know what to do with a newborn
9. i wonder how M will look as a daddy...i can't wait to see that
10. i wonder what it will be like to sleep on my tummy again
11. i wonder what she looks like... me? M? neither of us?
12. i wonder what her cry will sound like
13. i wonder if i'll ever be able to fit into my old clothes again... (fingers crossed)
14. i wonder what it will be like to see my siblings as aunts and uncles
15. i wonder how family gatherings will change with an infant around
16. i wonder if pregnancy will ever end...
17. i wonder if i want pregnancy to end...
18. i wonder if anyone will notice how much i really don't know what i'm doing
19. i wonder if i'll miss these baby kicks and hiccups and jabs to my ribs...
20. i wonder: am i ready for this?

lucky for me, there's another part of the song that gives me POWER! i imagine i'm Maria with that huge hat, guitar, and horrible dress...dancing along the sidewalks of Austria while singing:

"oh, i must stop these doubts, all these worries
if i don't i just know i'll turn back
i must dream of the things i am seeking
i am seeking the courage i lack

the courage to serve her with reliance
face my mistakes without defiance
show her i'm worthy
and while i show her
i'll show me

so, let her bring on all her problems
i'll do better than my best
i have confidence she'll put me to the test
but i'll make her see i have confidence in me"

so, for these crazy next four weeks, i have confidence everything will work out...and that my baby will love me...even if i am a little anxious with the whole experience...and will be a complete rookie. sigh.

for your watching/listening pleasure... just in case you've never heard the song (i'd be very disappointed in you if you haven't...)


Kate said...

Oh Marce,

You are one of my favorite things. In fact, somewhere in my youth, or childhood, I must have done something know such a cute little Marci like you. :) It was so good to catch up at your shower. I just loved seeing you. You don't need to worry; you will be a wonderful mommy. I am so excited for you.

Love you!
I think you forgot another line to the song though, "strength lies in nights of peaceful slumber." I'll cross my fingers for that once your baby gets here!

Alesa Shelby said...

I believe it is Julie Andrews who Played Maria in the Movie version of Sound of Music. I don't Think Julia Roberts ever played that role and certainly wouldn't have played it as well.

Anonymous said...

I think every thing you need to know stems from love, and comes with patience. I was so exhausted after I had George, but you look at your baby, and feel how much you love them, and that is what gives you strength to get up at 3:30 in the morning, and every three hours after, but really, it's fun, and you will miss it when it's gone.

Marce said...

thanks for correcting me! i am so ashamed... and embarrassed! but in my defense, i was staring at the cover of Notting Hill when i wrote this post. brains do weird things!!

and i agree, julie andrews is the bomb! no one can measure up to her in the movie version.



Amy said...

marce- don't sweat it! You will be the most amazing mother! I've found that most of the time in life when we are faced with new experiences we have no idea what we're doing... college, high school, getting married- but you've done it all wonderfully and nothing will be different with this little one. You will learn and be a complete natural, I'm sure! I can't wait to see you and your little belly- and I can't wait to see this little girl when she graces the world! It will be an amazing journey for you and your new little family... I'm sure there will be sleepless nights and I'm sure part of you will miss her in your belly but I'm pretty sure nothing will compare to holding her in your arms. And you will be fabulous- no doubt! Love you so much!

p.s. I didn't even realize it said julia brain read it as julie andrews the first time!

Anne said...

I LOVE the Sound of Music. And you need not worry...motherhood honestly does come naturally. And it is so fun to watch your sweet husband become a father. I remember Jace driving home from the hospital and he was going SO slow...(he was nervous to shake her in the car seat. How sweet.) You'll be amazed how much you can love one little person and you miss them like crazy when you're not right by their side.
You are such an amazing person and I know you'll do totally fine! Good luck with everything. The day is fast approaching. :)

Van D Family said...

You will love sleeping on your tummy again.
You will miss pregnancy but you will be glad it is over.
You will fit into your pre-pregnancy clothes...(but just remember that it took you 9 months to grow out of them!)
You will be a fabulous Mom
Your sweet baby will love you and light up when she looks at you...(the most wonderful feeling in the world)
And...Family parties do change, they only care to see the baby, not you.

Love you!
Good Luck!