Thursday, January 15, 2015

remembering is hard, so instead i'm gonna write.

it's interesting to sit down in this chair and stare at this computer and try to think of something compelling to say.


(this is me, right now, staring blankly into the screen, trying desperately to think of something compelling to say...with that frizzy hair, make-up running, end-of-the-day-haggard-mom-look i've got going for me)

words used to just flow out of me naturally. like i couldn't stop them. but now i just sit here and stare blankly. it's been like 2 years of this. lots of blank stares. lots of feeling like i needed to explain myself to everyone. lots of backspaces. lots of deletes and unpublished posts.

part of it is because i feel like blogs these days have all this pressure to "say the right thing." part of it is because i've gotten so far behind and that overwhelms me. every time i sit down and crank out like 6 posts and then i'm still a year behind and i'm way too burnt out to do it again for another 6 months. and part of it is that what has become of my blog unintentionally over the last couple of years was an inspiring place where i say things that are supposed to uplift people. and i guess i am in this new chapter where sometimes i haven't wanted to be inspiring. sometimes i've just wanted to sit on my big booty and eat oreos in peace. without anyone knowing. and without explanation. and without having to remember.

remembering is hard.

whoa. i think that's kind of profound. remembering is hard. which i think really expresses where i've been the last almost two years. in a place where remembering is just hard.

but in 2015, i'm determined not to be such a Debbie Freakin Downer! i've gotta be in the present. i've gotta live and write in the present. writing is cathartic. writing is creating. writing makes me happy.

and so that's what i'm gonna do.

i just learned that you can change the date on posts - so i can post like it's November 2013....which i just did twice, actually. so that's what i'm gonna do behind the scenes so i can not leave my entire 2013/2014 unblogged...cuz allotta cool crap happened, but i don't have to worry about being all fancy with the commas and periods back there. instead, i'm going forward from today. i'm writing again.

because writing makes me happy.

here's to a happy 2015.....filled more words and xoxo's than you'll know what to do with.

side note: i've missed this.

xoxo

4 comments:

Tara said...

Marci! Everyone loves you for who you are. We love the unedited version. Keep it up!!

Tiffany said...

I'm happy you're writing on here again. And it doesn't always have to be uplifting to still be inspiring. Cuz ya know whats inspiring to me? Being real and being honest. And sometimes that means not all happy and positive thinking and uplifting. And thats ok. Cuz thats real.
Also, please teach me how to do a blog post under a past date?? I've always wondered if there was a way! Sometimes when I get behind, I just do the post and in my OWN text, write at the top the date it happened so that when I go to make my blog book I can plug the post into its proper chronological order. But posting it under its actual date is waaaay cooler! teach me!

Reed, Liz and the kids said...

I am finally going to stop blog-stalking you and introduce myself and thank you. I am really good friends (old roommate) of your friend Kristy Barlow. I found you through her blog and instagram. I have been reading your blog for a while and have never commented, though I thought about it a number of times. You have inspired me and made me think and I have cried with you and your family at your loss of Max. Thanks so much for sharing and writing about your feelings and heartbreaks and your testimony. It has helped me more than I can explain to you...
I am trying to be more real in my life and my blog (since it is our family history). I appreciate when others let me know that I am normal and fine to just want to sit and not think about my life and just eat cookies! thank you so much- Elizabeth M

Joe, Amber, Ken and Ellie said...

I'm just amazed you still blog like this! It's all I can do to keep all our pictures updated on our family blog...forget the writing! You are awesome and have such a gift with words regardless of all the commas and periods in the correct places 😉