ellie ellie on my mind.

from the words of her mouth just seconds ago, "i'm free and a half now, Mama. i'm a big girl. but free and a half means i'm still free. i'll be four next though and then i can have a birthday party."

yes, she is a big girl- and is changing so much and so fast. some things about Ellie:

she finds joy in the littlest things- mostly because she has happiness and silliness oozing out of her bones.

she has the cutest imagination ever. the last couple of days, she has been walking around with Pascal on her shoulder, and i have too. sometimes he jumps down her back and tickles her and she squeals. and sometimes my Pascal jumps in my pocket and hides. i love her little mind.

she is smart as a whip- she doesn't forget a thing, and has been that way since she came out of the womb.

along with that, she loves books. she came this way- looking at books when she was the littlest little squish- but now will sit down for most of her quiet time carefully looking through books and books and books. recently she has become so fascinated with the Book of Mormon- which is so neat to me. i can see how these little spirits come so eager to learn and willing to accept the gospel, and why it is so important to teach them in the home from a young age. it strengthens my testimony a lot to see her so excited about these stories.

she never ever ever stops talking. she is a narrator and an explainer and a tele-broadcaster, and a meteorologist, and a music analyst- you name it, she has something to say about it. i love seeing things the way she does, though sometimes my ears are ready for a little rest. still, i love that little voice + brain combo.

she loves her new pediatrician and actually talks about her all the time. what kid loves the doctor? yeah, she's a weirdo. i think part of it is that she loves dressing up in the hospital gown. again, what a weirdo.

she is a total wuss. seriously. scenes from Sesame Street + Mickey Mouse freak her out, causing her to run out of the room and cover her ears. really? and she will NOT try adventurous rides at theme parks- basically all the fun ones. why is she such a wuss? drives me cuhhh-razzyy.

she dances and sings through life. i don't know if she'll really pursue dancing and singing, but she loves both things and i love that she loves them. when i ask her what her favorite part of school is or church, she always talks about a song they learned or the time that they got to dance. i feel like she puts her heart and soul into singing every song she sings, and i just love that kind of passion.

she loves to be dressed up. this has been our life for the last 2 years pretty much- and i don't see it changing any time soon.  like it that way...though life will be a whole lot easier when she can really put the dresses on without needing my help right that very minute ...

if you want to be on Ellie's "favorites" list, you will bribe her with lollipops and pizza. this girl looovvvves pizza and lollipops. what kid doesn't?

she has cute little friends and people in her life of whom she talks about often. she dreams about them, and pretends to call them, and loves going out on the town to do stuff with them. i love cute little people together.

she's such a daddy's girl- and literally squeals most days when daddy walks in the door from work. i can't blame her- he's pretty awesome.

she is a busy worker bee. she seriously wants to help me do whatever i am doing all day. she wants to put away clothes and clean the counters and scrub the toilet. she still struggles doing anything by herself- so we do a lot of side-by-side picking up and cleaning, but i still think it's pretty amazing. and ... i know it won't last, so i'm soaking it up while i can.

she is compassionate. if Alice falls, she's the first to ask why she's crying and where she needs a kiss. if i'm talking on the phone to someone who is sick, the first thing she asks me when i get off is, who is sick mama? and are we going to bring them cookies to make them happy? i love her big heart.

along with that, she loves her little sister Alice. she is such a protector of her. sure, Alice's crying/screaming drives her nuts sometimes- and she gets frustrated when Alice sneaks a carrot away from her plate- but we've turned a major corner of them actually playing together and loving each other- and i constantly think how lucky i am to have them, and how lucky they will always be to have each other.

she is so funny. she makes me laugh. like when she makes up words or names. or when she gives me weird reasons for not eating something. or when she comes out of her room from quiet time dressed up in my heels and shorts and wants me to take a picture with a silly kissy face. funny kid, i tell you what.

she is emotional. we are working on channeling these emotions in the right direction because sometimes they spiral out of control into huge volcanic eruptions and it's not pretty. i try not to get embarrassed when she's having these melt-downs, and i think i'm getting better at handling them. but sometimes i don't handle them well and say things like "you're driving me nuts," to which she'll reply later, "you made me so sad when you said i drive you nuts." such a sweet, emotional little thing. i am always worried i am going to crush this vivacious spirit- but i'm doing my very best, and so i know it will all work out in the end.

and sometimes i look at her in the morning and i jump, knowing that she grew the night before. i get this panic feeling deep down that it's going by too fast. the other day we were in the car and the Taylor Swift song "Never Grow Up" came on. such a cute song, huh? it always makes me cry. after listening to a few lyrics to the song, i said,
"Ellie, i like you the way you are. will you listen to this song and Never Grow Up? please?"
Ellie took me very seriously and replied, "But Mama, i want to grow up! i need to grow up!"
and so i said, "ok Ellie. i guess you can grow up. but will you promise me something?"
Ellie: "yaa...."
Mama: "will you let me always be your Mama and you can always be my Ellie?"
Ellie: "yes Mama. you'll always be my Mama because i love you."

and then the panic went away. and i felt ok. because i know i'll always be her Mama, and she'll always be my Ellie...she's my little buddy forever and for always. and knowing that does a Mama's heart good.

xoxo