lucy, you have some splaaiinnnin' to do...

i admit it, i love "i love lucy."
in fact, there may not be an episode i haven't seen.
and i tend to quote it a lot.
like, when Lucy does something crazy, and Ricky finds her out and he wants to know what the heck is going on, he always says to her, "Luuuucccy, you have some splaiinin' to do!" in his lil' Cuban accent. and then i laugh.
well, i've vanished. multiple times now. and yes, i know, it is time for me to do some splainin.
maybe this will help:

yes, we're having another baby!! baby #2.
wow, it feels so good to finally get this out there. but lets talk about my feelings later. here's the much wanted details:
i'm only a little over 10 weeks...feels like i'm like 20. but whatev. due the middle of October. already showing. hoping for a boy (maybe i shouldn't confess such a thing)...but will be equally thrilled with another girl.

now for our feelings:

mine:
i'm so excited to see our family grow. and i'm so excited for Ellie to have a sibling. wow, she desperately needs one. but i'm not going to lie, i'm freaked out of my mind. the reality of Ellie's monsterdom in her first few months of life have not left my nightmares. and the thought of many hundreds of sleepless nights...accompanied by that shrill of a cry...makes me want to cry all over again. long-story-short: infants scare me. (what a thing for a mother-to-be, and a mother-who-has-already-been to admit, huh? but it's the truth). to add to those emotions, i can't help but feel a little bit like i am cheating on Ellie. it's a weird feeling. but, having said all of that, i'm as ready as i'll ever be. and knowing that i will love another human as much as i love our little Ellie makes every exhausted, scared, insecure moment worth it.

M's:
he is pumped. he is excited (and right now he is carrying the bulk of the excitement for the both of us). he really is thrilled. so thrilled that he has gladly made several dinners for himself while i am nauseously laying on the couch, while i concoct the most disgusting of food combinations (including but not limited to: doritos grapes and licorice for dinner, rice for breakfast, cinnamon toast crunch with string cheese on the side for lunch, and eating an entire loaf of banana bread by myself...only to puke it up later). bless him for being so supportive and loving even though i have been somewhat (and more than somewhat) exhaustively defeated as this alien has abducted my poor lil body the last 10 weeks.


Ellie's:
she's confused. she sees my belly and says "baby, all gone!" about 20 times a day. but she looooves babies right now...kisses her little baby that she calls "Roxy" over and over- she also bundles her up in blankets and rocks her to sleep and repeatedly says "awwee, cute lil Roxy." she gives her other baby (the one that she calls "Babes") baths, and scrubs behind her ears (after drowning her for like 10 minutes). she's going to be an adorable big sister (even though i know after 10 minutes, she's probably going to want to send it back...what an interesting scenario that will be).

so, that's where i've been...in pregnancy land.
creating a human.
again.

love to you all.
much more to catch you up on and "splaain" to you soon.
xoxo

p.s. northern california is starting to wear off on our little Ellie. check out our little tree hugger: