because i have a feeling i won't ever update anything if i don't start somewhere.

 {what i wish i was doing at this moment: kickin up my heals and soakin' up the sun, wearin my comfy vans all the while...if i have to look at another brown box and find a location for it's belongings, i think i might barf.}

i laughed the other day when i got the following comment to my previous post "alive:"

"i no longer believe you are alive."
thanks Michelle. that made me laugh. i don't think i'm alive anymore either.

it is kind of ironic i'd post a post about being alive and then die from the blogging world for several weeks.
i really have no great explanation...other than i'm overwhelmed by the amount of stuffffff that is going on right now and don't even know where to begin.
it also may be that i want my next post (aka this post) to be a post about our house. but that would involve some serious cleaning, organizing, and most annoyingly, putting away that pile of crayons for the 100th time...today...so that i can take pictures i deem worthy enough to show you of our house. i want you to like it, remember? and right now, it kind of resembles a crazy house. so i'm afraid you're gonna have to wait just a little longer. not that much longer. just a little. (definition of "little": 1. small in size; not big; not large; tiny 2. short in duration; not extensive; short; brief {thanks dictionary.com})- so hold on to your briefs- it will be soon. (i've said that before, huh? but i do think i usually keep my end of the bargain).

but lucky for you, i do have some thoughts.
jumbled, juggled ones.
but nonetheless, thoughts.

first: i can't seem to shake this crazy experience i had in San Francisco on Saturday night...you see, i was lucky enough to have my first visitors come and stay this last weekend, and i got to play tour-guide for them and enjoy a weekend partying, giggling, shopping, and feeling like a real human again (instead of the zombie-mom i sometimes feel like these days). well, we were lucky enough to get Wicked tickets for Saturday night- so the three of us got all cute, i had my stilettos on (which we all know is a risky pick for me and my clumsy self), and we on our yellow-brick-road to see the world's best parody on the Wizard of Oz.

well, we came up from the parking garage- and i was a little turned around (which seems to happen a lot in SF- what a hilly, wind-y city...for reaaalzz). so i pulled out my phone to get the map of where we were so i could locate what direction we should point our ruby reds + stilettos. well, in that blink of an eye, these three hoodlums approached us three girls. two of them couldn't have been older than 13- one pulled a mask over his face and started saying some pretty obscene crap at us. it was mostly annoying at first. like he was trying to be all cool or something. so Bec said to him something intimidating like, "Get out of here!" it sounded cooler than that...and it was. (sorry i can't remember what you said, Bec). but then the big, huge 17-18 ish year-old came and grabbed at my arm, my purse, and then grabbed my hands that were holding my phone. well, i'm no dummy (or maybe i am), so i was holding onto my stuff pretty darn tight and he couldn't get anything. in my temper/reaction, i yelled at him, "get off of me! what the heck do you think you're doing?" ya, i'm tough like that.

now, looking back, i realize he coulda pulled a gun on me or something- but in the moment, yelling was my reaction. what would've you done? it's hard to say, isn't it? well, luckily for us, at that exact moment, someone in a car across the street started honking their horn and flashing their lights- which scared the little crazies away (but didn't stop the masked 13-year-old from swearing his brains out). then the guy in the car, a primly dressed European-accented 60-ish year old man, ran over to us and yelled, "i have my phone on 911- did they hurt you? did they take anything from you?" i was so grateful for that man. i wanted to throw my arms around his European neck and bake him a Cuban Flan (since that's the best international treat i could offer). i mean, really, he could have just drove away. but he didn't. my mom says he was our "earthly angel"- and i'm convinced that's true. for some reason, we were protected. and even though we were totally shaken up (especially me), we were somehow watched over. and for that i am so grateful. but don't be confused: i am now a bit cynical, too. i've begun researching how to purchase pepper-spray, and doubt i will confidently roam the streets of a big city without my man and a machete ever again.

second- i'm so glad the Bachelor is over. i'm so done watching Jake Pavelka. i honestly could care less whether he picked Vienna or not- if he's happy, it's great with me. just please, don't make me watch another minute of him on his sissy motorcycle or another moment of that ridiculous "on the wings of love" song. not that anyone made me...i willingly chose to sit down and watch that garbage.......and will most likely willingly choose to watch Allie all over again. why? i just can't be sure.

third- Ellie makes me laugh every day. she does the funniest things. she stands right in front of the t.v. to watch Tink or Mickey Mouse..as if she's somehow seeing it better from that close (maybe she is?). she loves for me to put on any sort of music so we can have dance parties multiple times a day. she hates all vegetables....except broccoli. seriously. broccoli. is this my kid? i hate broccoli. ok, i don't hate it. but it's not my vegetable of choice. it's like a bush. and yet we're rockin' the broccoli cuz i'd feel like a bad mom if she didn't get ANY vegetables. she looovveeeess to color. one of her favorite parts of coloring is dumping out the box of crayons and then jumping in them. then, she makes sure to come and grab my finger and pull me to sit RIGHT next to her and says, "mommy color too?" and then we color for a long, long time. she also recently started singing along to songs in the car...in a very tone-deaf way...which, i'm not gonna lie, worries me a little. but melts my heart A LOT. she loves to sing the Sesame Street song "Sing, Sing a Song," "Do Re Mi" from the Sound of Music, and "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star." the other night, i was singing "twinkle twinkle" to her before bed, and caught her singing just a little- now, this is mostly for family...because i know they'd willingly endure my yucky voice to hear Ellie do something cute....so feel free to skip the play button on this one :)

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
*side note*: this link will take you to a page that you'll have to download the file to listen to Ellie singing the song. lame, i know. i couldn't figure out how to upload a voice-memo/audio-file any other way. you-tube wouldn't upload it. anyways. i'm bugged. but hopefully if you wanna hear it, you'll get to eventually. if you know better options to do this, please let me know. i always love your little tricks! 

p.s. did you notice how she says "diaper" for "diamond?" i love that. imagine, a star, twinkling like a diaper in the sky. classy.

fourth: i know i already commented about t.v.- but i can't not mention a few other thoughts- 1. i'm trying not to be- but i am a little disappointed with Ellen on American Idol. i love when she's funny...and it seems like she's trying to be so legit or something. she just needs to be funny- cuz that's what works for her, and it's what works for me too. maybe i should write her a letter. 2. i am so hooked on Lost right now, it's not even funny. i love this season and all its question-answering. and finally, 3. when Pam was holding/nursing the wrong baby on last weeks episode, i think i very nearly peed myself. what a hilarious show. (there are a lot of other shows i'm watching right now...but that's all i'm opinionated about at the moment).

fifth: surviving busy season has been rough. way tougher than i expected. maybe i'm less independent than i thought? maybe i love my man more than i thought? for reals though, Ellie asks for him every day- especially since lots of days he doesn't get to see him. it's sad. families weren't supposed to function this way. and i'm glad it's just a small moment in time that it's this way. M is too much of a family man and a home body to be gone this much. and i'm too much of a wife to be a widow :). but we are surviving. maybe i'll post a survival guide in one of my future posts......yes, i like that thought.

sixth: having said all of that stufffff, having our own home is so lovely. i'm so happy, i could scream. i miss my family and loved ones like crazy- but am so excited about our little life here. it just feels like home. and i'm dying to introduce you to her. please know, you now always have a home in the bay....i'd love to have any of you, my family and friends, anytime. that is, if you can handle some crazy fun, and some possible muggings.

and thus concludes my juggled jumbled thoughts for the day.
i leave you with a picture of me and my big girl, and bf Ellie. we truly are lucky ducks to have each other.

xoxo