not grown up yet...

i remember being little...and all i wanted to be was "grown up."
in fact, i'll admit that i still wish i looked a few years older....so that when i walk down the streets here, i don't feel like people are looking at me so strangely with the kid on my hip, peanut butter smeared on my shirt, and a nice wad of mousy, frizzy hair stuck in a knot on top of my head. it's like they're looking at me with these eyes that are saying "those are the consequences of teen pregnancy, sister."

and all i can think is: i'll love it when i'm older.
or at least that's what everyone tells me.

anyway, now as a mommy, i see my baby girl...who shouldn't be concerned with being grown up....who shouldn't even know what that means....but definitely does. examples:

she looks up to big kids...and tries to run like them. and dance like them. and laugh like them. it's so cute.

today she exploded out of her diaper....like she used to when she was like 2 weeks old...up the front, back, and down her leg. AND THEN continued to be mad that i had the nerve to clean her up and change her diaper. how could i be so rude? since i enjoy changing poopy, gooey diapers. ick.

she loves to put on a shower-cap in the bath. it's like she's saying, "mom does it. why can't i?" (yes, i wear a shower-cap sometimes. don't you?)


she finds my shoes....which she adoringly refers to as "choos." she loves to find my sexy heels and put them on and try to walk through the house. she gets really mad when she can't do it. so sometimes, M helps her. what a nice daddy.


she loves necklaces and calls them "pitties" for "pretty's." you can usually catch her walking around the house wearing "pitties" at any given moment throughout the day. she wants to make sure everyone has "pitties" too. in fact, just yesterday, she dressed up her elmo in her "pitties."

she doesn't like me to help her eat her food. AT ALL. in fact, if i start trying to spoon-feed her she'll yell "NOOOOOO!" i'm like, whoa there bessy. and then i'll give her the spoon. most will end up on her leg or on her tray. but she is very proud to be a self-feeder, through and through.

but, in spite of these grown-up-isms, she's not a grown up yet.
thank goodness.
she shows glimmers of her child-like innocence...of her lack of total independence...of her sweet purity...of her goodness every day. examples:

when she holds on to daddy's big index finger and walks around with him everywhere. it's just like i imagined it would be. so precious and sweet.

when she walks around the house saying "elmo" all day long....and i finally put some sesame street on...and she gives elmo a huge kiss, as soon as he appears on the screen.


when she is pleased to look at a book- and say the animal noises, over and over again (adults can't stand that kind of repetition :) )


when she jumps around and runs around her cute lil crib....its probably her favorite place in the whole wide world, with her cute raggidy lil pig. only a lil toddler could get away with (and look so cute) doing that.


and when she will come up to us, unprovoked, and give us the sweetest kiss (lip smack and all), and throw her little arms around my neck, as if to say, "can i keep you?."

and all i want to say back is:

i'm yours forever.
can i keep you back?

xoxo