snapshots of my brain this morning

wow, i left that moody post up for a long time, didn't i?
i don't know about you, but it left a bad taste in my mouth to see that again.
kind of like garlic. or onions. ick.
you see, my brain asked for some time off. said it wouldn't work another minute. said that it wouldn't take no for an answer.
so i gave the feisty thing the PTO she deserved.
well, she came back, with a sun tan, and lots and lots of thoughts she said that she bought at a local flea market somewhere in timbuktu.
she wanted me to share some of them with you today, (said it was part of "unpacking"..) and so here i am.
snapshots from my brain:

1. someone hit on me at the gym today. let me preface this by saying: i don't think i have ever been hit on in my entire life- pre-married or married. i know that's not really something to be proud of or to admit, but it's the truth. so, i don't know how to handle being hit on. it makes me...squirm. and let me also add this: hitting on someone at the gym is so odd to me. for several reasons- just to name a few:
a. it is butt-early. which means i probably still have wrinkles and/or handprints on my face and i definitely have bed-head.
b. i'm in my grubbies. and when i say that, i mean: i have an oversized gray BYU Football t-shirt on, faded blue stretchy pants that i've had since 10th grade, mismatched socks underneath those faded pants (it was early when i got dressed), and some very worn out sneakers that should've been replaced several months ago.
c. my talking mechanisms aren't working yet (back to point a- it's butt early). this means if someone says something to me, i most likely give an awkward smile and nod and walk away because i can't get my brain to send something to my mouth to say quick enough.
d. once the work-out gets going, i'm drenched in sweat. seriously. i never used to sweat before i moved to California. but that's not the case here. i may as well have just walked out of the pool when i step off the tredmill or the bike.
d. my only redeeming quality is that i have minty-fresh breath...having just brushed my teeth less than 10 minutes before.

so back to the "being hit on" story. i walk in. the dude who usually swipes my card is there. he laughs for a minute and says, "sooo, when are we going to the movies?" i stop. i stare. i return the laugh. i say something dumb that i can't remember (refer to point C)...but which i know resembled more "yes" than "no." and laugh and walk away. situation avoided? unfortunately, not the case. my whole sweaty workout goes by, and an hour later, drenched in that sweat i told you about in point D, and i head for the door. there is Michael Little (yes that's his name...and yes, he looks like he's maybe 20) gearing up some new remark: "i'm serious you know." and my stupid brain (refer once again to point C) nervously sends a chuckle to my mouth and the remark: "i can't. i'm busy." and i walk out the door. why didn't i just tell the dude i was married? why couldn't my brain send my mouth that phrase? because now i've created yet another awkward moment in the future where i have to divulge that i am in fact married, that i have been for almost 5 years, and that yes, i'm 24- my hubby robbed the cradle. uggghhhh. i need help. i would ask for help or advice for future experiences, but i'm sensible enough to know this was a one time occurrence. maybe i should ask: what should've i said? but then again, that will just make me feel worse. oh Michael Little. you little squirt.

2. i found an unmistakable white hair on the top of my head yesterday. i'm still upset by it. why do i look 20 and yet have things like white hairs on my head? this doesn't make sense to me or my brain.

3. we are moving stuff over to our house now. (insert HOORAY here). i'm ecstatic! mostly because this means that our house is done and we don't have to work on it (aka M & his dad don't have to work on it) incessantly anymore. what a relief. i have the elaborate plan of doing a week-long blog feature on our house and what we have been doing (and why it all has taken so long). i'm just a little hesitant to do so...well, because i don't want people to be like, "THAT'S ALL? THAT'S WHAT'S TAKEN YOU SO LONG?" because quite frankly, that would devastate our little spirits. one thing i've learned with do-it-yourself projects is this: things take at least 5x's longer than you think they will. oh, and 5x's as much money. but then the result is also 5x's more rewarding.

4. i know i already mentioned the book "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society." but i mentioned it before i actually finished it. and now i have. and so now i have to mention it one more time: please treat yourself to this book. it will not disappoint, i can assure you of that.

5. everyone in our house is on a diet. i am not. rebellion? maybe. to be honest, i'm a very mean, temperamental sort of person when i'm on a diet. that's one reason i exercise- so i can eat what i want. i like food way too much. and probably base too much of my happiness upon it. but, i have to admit, i felt a little guilty yesterday when i whipped out my chips and dip during the super bowl and ate them all by myself. but really, isn't it just a little un-American to not eat chips and dip during the super bowl? i have to say, i'm very proud of everyone in my house. and feel a little ashamed of my splurgings. but not ashamed enough to get rid of my stash of gummie bears or mother's cookies.

6. i'm very stressed out by the idea of decorating. no one told me it was so hard. and i'm realizing i dont' even know what my style is. country? eh. vintage? i do love old, unique things. modern? heck no. European? i think i could do that. i don't even know where to start. oh, and did i mention i like expensive things? things i can't afford, like this:

Priscilla Shower Curtain

anthropologie.com

$69...ON SALE. no joke.

man, i know this is fun to most of you...and it is to me too, but i think i'm overthinking it. you think?

7. Michael Buble's version of "The Christmas Song" just came up on my iPod. i'm not changing it. i miss Christmas already. it went by too fast.

8. Valentine's Day is on Sunday. while i secretly wish that this was just a holiday to celebrate how wonderful us women are, i know i need to roll up my sleeves and get to work on finding something special for M. what do you get for men to show them how much you love them, again? i know it should just come to me and it should be "from my heart"...but...i'm baffled this year.

9. while on the subject of M, being an accountant's wife is much harder than i anticipated it would be. and that's saying a lot- because i grew up with an Accountant dad. but being a wife of an accountant and a daughter to one are two entirely different things. i can finally empathize a little better with my mama...and understand just a tinge of her heartache through busy season. 70 + hr workweeks are a nightmare (that being said, i do consider myself a very independent person...and i'm sure i'll get used to it. i guess you could just say that i'm still in a little bit of "busy season shock." i can't imagine what M must be feeling) (and yes, we do feel blessed to have a job in this crazy economy. things could be much worse, i know).

10. on the subject of busy season, with M getting home between 9&10 on a good night, i find myself either hanging out with the in-laws or home alone. so, much of my evening free time is spent vegged out in front of the tube...that and looking for tolerable shower-curtains online. some t.v. thoughts (because my brain just can't resist the temptation to gossip about t.v. characters)
a. LOST: i'm more confused than i was before, if that's possible. spoiler alert- don't read ahead if you haven't watched this season- i hate that Juliette is really dead. are they seriously going to keep this love-triangle between jack, sawyer and kate going? and really, what is this dual-existence they have going on? and if that's the case, why did Juliette say that "it worked?" like i said before, CONFUSED. side note: i'm very depressed that this is the last season...and i'm not quite convinced they are going to answer all my questions by the end of it. sigh.
b. American Idol: i'm so relieved that the auditions are over. while very funny (i still laugh thinking of the lady jumping up and down in the bathroom and telling herself that she's awesome...i may or may not have mimicked her while in the ladie's room once or twice), they are so awkward and make me so uncomfortable. are people really that unaware of themselves? really. anyway, i can't wait for the good stuff to finally get goin' now (aka ELLEN!).
c. the Bachelor: i'm more than a little bit embarrassed to admit that i watch this drama. but i do. and once i watch one episode, i'm sucked in for good. those of you who watch understand. those of you who don't...well, go ahead, roll your eyes, and skip down to the next point. my main opinion of this season is this: why can't everyone just drop the whole Vienna thing and worry about their own relationship with Jake? seriously. LET. IT. GO. side note: i definitely like the Bachelorette way better than the Bachelor- way less drama.
d. 24: stress stress stress. that's really all i can say. oh, and one more thing: do you feel like you know Jack Bauer really well? because i do. but then i thought about it: how well can you really know a person by only spending 7 days with them? just saying.
e. the Office: i'm just grateful that once a week i get to see Michael make a fool of himself the way he does. because it really makes me laugh. hard.
f. Being Erica: this is a new addition to my list. my friend RaeAnn from school told me about this show- and i love it. yes, there are a few inappropriate parts.(it's a television show). but i love Erica Strange. i relate to her. i feel attached to her- like she's my sister..or bff...or maybe even a version of myself. check it out on Hulu- it's a young show, only in it's second season. but you may just be surprised and like it as much as i do.
{ok, that's enough on television. seriously. look at all of that time i spend in front of the tube. wow. ridiculous}.

11. i miss my family terribly. it could be because it's bleak and cold and gloomy, and they always seem to bring sunshine and warmth. it could also be because it feels like it's been forever since i last saw them...especially my siblings. distance and miles can be such a wedge, can't they?

12. i know you've probably noticed that i haven't written a single word about Ellie. what kind of a mother am i? well, my brain has dozens...heck hundreds of thoughts about her every day and night. one is this: this morning, i asked her what she wanted for breakfast. she told me a waffle. so i busily went to making her a waffle (i buy whole grain ones...as if that cancels out all the sugar that's in the syrup). i cut it perfectly along the lines, making very neat little squares for her to pop in her mouth. then, i went about making myself my own breakfast- the usual: a bowl of life cereal with bananas cut up and Silk poured lightly over the top (i'm lactose-intolerant, not anti-milk. there's a BIG difference). then i sit down next to Ellie. she stares at me...and after about 5 minutes of this stare down, she says, "more cereal?" i look at her plate of perfectly-squared, untouched waffles...and think, you can't be serious. so i give her one bite of my cereal...two bites, three bites, until she's commandeered the whole bowl and spoon. now, you think this is just because she wanted cereal, don't you? no no, you see, this exact same scenario happened yesterday...when she had an identical bowl of cereal to mine sitting right in front of her. why does she insist on eating my food? and, on a semi-related note, why do toddlers have to be so gosh-darn picky?

13. nursery has turned into a nightmare. i really don't feel like elaborating. so i won't. i'll just say this: i realllllyyy ache to go to relief society (and somewhat understand the title these days......i think it's to give mothers some much needed relief each and every Sunday. can't wait to partake in it).

{this is a picture of Ellie chasing the poor cat Twinkle, whom she refers to as "twinkle star." we do this every day, multiple times a day.}

14. i'm making Ellie sound like a tyrant. but i guess that's what almost-2 year-olds are. but they are also sweeter than sugar. just yesterday, she combed my hair, chased me around the house all day, giggling the whole time, and stared up at me with those big brown eyes while i sang her to sleep as she caressed my face with her soft little fingers. being a mom is hard. but it is so sugary sweet, too.

and that's where i'll leave my brain-snapshots for today.
glad to have you back to work, little brain.

xoxo