Wednesday, January 28, 2009

good vs. bad

today i am grumpy, grouchy and grumbly. i'm trying to live "come what may and love it" but all i want to do is complain and wallow and be grouchy and eat cookies.

so, i'm going to vent...vent about the good and the bad going on.

the bad (that really isn't so bad, but seems mega-super-stressful because i am a mega-super-stressed individual)
  • the drivers' side window in our car won't roll up and the door won't open. serious. it is stuck. this is due to the minor accident i had on I-15 before Christmas Break....where i 180'd into a mile meter on the right shoulder on a snowy blistery day. this means that i have FREEZING car drives to work and back (yesterday it was 25 degrees)...but what's worse is that people look at me all suspiciously as i crawl into the car through the passenger door. it sucks. now, if this is hard for me, imagine what it's like for M. funny mental picture, huh?
  • it is still January. what a bleak month. cold. holidays are far away. flowers are far away. back to the grind. can it be over yet?
  • due to pregnancy, post pregnancy, and nursing horomones, i've lost a considerable amount of hair...chunks and chunks, actually. well, now it's starting to grow back. should be a good thing, right? well, think again. i have these little teeny hairs all around my face and the top of my hair that i have no idea what to do with....it's starting to resemble a mullet (short on top, party in the back). what the heck can i do to resolve this issue???
  • i am a full-time student AND teaching so that i can get my teaching license by the end of this school year. i know, i know, people do it all the time. but not people like me. i'm a stress-case. i forgot how time-consuming it is to be a full-time student. i love learning...and am so excited to receive my license... but really, my head might explode with all of the info running around my little brain right now....lists, due dates, exam dates, assignments........BAH. i can't think about it for the time being or else i might eat an entire pint of ben & jerry's...which leads me to my next bad:
  • it's been almost a whole month...and i still haven't made it back to the gym. serious. what will motivate me? why is it so hard to get out of my cozy bed in the dark bleak winter?
  • my principle is observing me teach today...and i am still fighting off this terrible migraine. please, migraine, will you buzz off? thanks.
  • parent teacher conferences are next week. i don't even want to go there.
ok, now that i feel even more frustrated and validated in my frustration, i need to count my blessings and tell the good that is going on so i can feel better:
  • Ellie is crawling..and walking along things. she LOVES to look at books and read stories, too. it is so cute how you can just see her little brilliant brain working. she also is eating cheerios, and trying to learn to self-feed, which is quite possibly the funniest experience ever. this is by far the funnest, cutest stage of all. i really wish i had a giant pause button to push because i am loving this phase so much.

{toldja she is cute}
  • we are so blessed to have such wonderful families. M's family who is helping him finish school, my family who is helping me finish school... my mom who comes every Friday to watch Ellie while i teach...and Jeffy who comes by whenever we need him (which seems pretty frequent these days). we are so lucky to have such wonderful families.
  • january IS almost over. i know you probably think i'm joking, but i really do NOT like january.
  • LOST is on tonight. i know.
  • only 4 more months of being a working mom! i can do it, i can do it! i ache for the day i'll get to stay home with little E and run my chaotic home exactly how i want it.
  • and though i'm excited for it to end, i am sad too, because i have been so blessed to have this experience of teaching kindergarten. what a wonderful school i am at this year- we have so much fun! and my students are AMAZING and HILARIOUS. i will definitely miss my friendships and interactions with my 5-year old buddies.
  • M has a job lined up for the fall..which is perhaps the biggest blessing of all in this crazy economic crisis we are living in. so while i am nervous for the big move, i know the heavens are watching over us in providing this opportunity for our little family.
  • ok, i lied, the biggest blessing of all is that i have an M to stabilize my craziness....while i am the crazy, rambunctious, get-stressed-at -the-drop-of-a-hat individual, M is the calm, peaceful, reassuring, never-gets-stressed-about-anything type of dude. i'm so grateful we're not both full of fire...because that would make for a very explosive relationship...instead, he is the water and i am the fire...and he is constantly calming me down when i am bursting out of control. how i love my handsome dude.
ok, thanks for letting me murmur...and then count my blessings. i'm feeling much better now that i got all of that out in the internetness. and now i'm going to stop wasting time, go clean something, take an excedrin and hold little E...and hopefully i'll be back to my normalized human self in no time.

signing off,

stressed-out Marci

15 comments:

Candace said...

life DOES feel super crazy right now. and yes, january is just no good. i'm so anxiously awaiting spring, but i'm afraid we do have a long way yet.

my car door is broken too. i'm usually running late and there are usually people around to watch my great climb through the passenger door to the driver's seat. hate it!

love you marci. hopefully school is great today.

Jons and Celeste Leigh said...

Marci, I love ya! You're so dang cute! And I'm with you. I haven't found the motivation to go to the gym for far too long and I just hate January. The only redeeming quality about January is that it brought my sweet Jon into the world! Thank goodness for the husbands who keep us sane. Good luck with everything! I know you can handle it.

Megs said...

I'm so sorry you're stressed out lately - but I have the same personality, so I completely understand! Husbands are great, and so are baby girls!

RaCh said...

wish we could go back to the day when our only worry getting an even tan while laying out by the pool, those were the days! Now I don't even know what a tan is... MISS YOU FRIEND!

Shaylynn.. said...

I'm sorry you don't feel well! Migraines are so brutal, i heard once that if you smell lemons they'll go away faster, uhm, i hate to admit that i actually tried it, but it's called desperation! Feel better!

Debra said...

I would just love to know what is going through the people's head's that are looking at you suspiciously breaking into your own car through the passenger side door. Seriously, if you were actually going to break into someone's car wouldn't it be faster to just use the driver's side?

Just for the record, I think you and M are perfect for each other.

Love ya!

Lali Johnson said...

Mike and Trevor could almost be the same person :) You and me as well. I understand not being too happy with the curveballs thrown in our direction but I love how you showed the many blessings that you have. It really is showing that you are living a "come what may and love it" life. I wish I could do the same. I'm more of a "come what may and deal with it" :)

ed and kelli said...

wow marce.. i think i would go crazy too if i had all that on my plate.. i always say i wanna go back to school but don't know how i can do it when little M comes along... you give me inspiration that it's possible...also, love her little cow outfit... in fact, we got the same one.. they can be twins:)...but don't hate january.. that's my birthday month.. it's come end of feb that it's still bleak winter and you just want spring....

Linda said...

A Flash Back:
After I read this blog good vs bad I had a flash back. You were , oh, in 6th grade or so. Remember how you and Sean traded off cleaning up Shadow's poop in the yard? I looked out the kitchen window one day and there you were, cleaning the poop, except not in an ordinary way. You had headphones on ( wonder what you were listening to ) ... you had your nose clipped with something... and you had my expensive perfume . You were spraying the poop before having to pick it up! Remember?
You have always known how to make the best out of " yuckie" situations. Use your imagination. Just tell Mike to put his valuables away!
In 4 days January 2009 will be gone forever, never to be seen again. I love you my creative one! Kisses and hugs to you all! Oh! And watch " Singing in the Rain!" That always makes you happy!
Hugs and Kisses
MOM

* Anne * said...

I'm sorry about the car, but I think it's funny...sorry...I'm laughing thinking of you getting into the passenger seat and then crawling over to the drivers. :)

About the hair thing...I COMPLETELY know what you're going through. I blogged about it when I was going through it. Little strands that poke out randomly and you can NOT get them to stay connected to the rest of your hairs for the life of you. Sigh...it does pass...SLOWLY...but it does.

Good luck and way to look no the positive even when it feels like there isn't one. :)

Montgomery Family said...

Oh, Marci, I feel your pain with the hair thing. I am in the same boat and it is killing me. Mine is coming back in so curly and doesn't have the weight to stay down when I try to blow dry it. AND my trusty Chi can't get that close. I whine to my hair dresser every time I go. The things we go through for those cute babies!!

Becca said...

Hi there!I do find it very strange (and funny. sorry ha.)that my car goes crazy and then just a few months later yours is doing the same thing. So I had no idea that you were going to school right now! You are seriously hardcore. I have been in my own little selfish world lately. Sorry :( I think you are an incredible beautiful person just so you know! Seriously every time I see you at church it gives me hope that I can be skinny and cute again, and if you can look that good without going to the gym then what's the point of waking up so early anyway? Well I'm rambling.....

jenna marie said...

hang in there. marci just love love your blog. makes me think all my insane motherly thoughts and exhaustion are quite normal...and also the joys! you are a treat.

Monica said...

I understand the fire and water thing--that's pretty much me and Brad. You can do this Marci!
Are you planning on teaching in California? If so, I can tell you all about getting a credential here since I'm getting mine myself. It will be easier if you already have a credential, so it's great you're doing that.
I think it's good to be a "realist" every now and then and just vent about what's stressful and miserable. It makes me glad to know that even the beautiful and eternal-optimist Marci can accept that somethings aren't so beautiful. You always manage to inspire me to "come what may and love it," so thank you for that. I hope we can be friends in SF.

Ryan Rose said...

Oh Marce, I hate January too. The cold makes everything harder, and there’s nothing like being hit by a nasty commute coming and going. And while you may be comparing yourself to some superhumans who can teach and go to school fulltime, us regular mortals outside the teaching professions still can’t understand how you do it. So much to keep straight! On the gym – I can barely make it myself, and I don’t have your gigs and a little E to play with (although my snuggly puppy and b.f. often tempt me away). So don’t be so hard on yourself – and don’t give yourself a hard time for having a hard time, either. I think those of us who pride ourselves on comforting others and keeping everything running tend to feel like when we can’t keep a huge can-do smile on our faces, that we’re somehow failing ourselves or the ones we love. But it’s not true! You’re still an inspiration to many people, even when you aren’t feeling so inspired yourself. Just ask your M – I know my b.f. is always quick to tell me that even if I seem awfully grumpy to myself, that I still make for good company. Somehow.

One last thing – on the gym – I don’t know if this works for you, but when that little voice inside me starts saying, “Ryan, I’m too tiiiirrred to go to the gym,” or “I don’t want to go, it’s booorrring”, I just respond gently in my head, “well, I’m tired of feeling guilty and sapped of energy, and I’m bored with only being able to wear certain clothes; the idea of feeling strong and confident is one that’s way more energizing and exciting to me than sitting on the couch surfing the ‘net.” And sometimes it helps. But sometimes, the little voice wins and I eat a brownie with ice cream instead – and try not to regret it. :)