test #1.

"come what may" certainly came in full abundance today.

did i love it? mmm.... not so sure. let me elaborate.
confused? click here for an explanation of "come what may."

well, remember how i love the month october? one of the main reasons is my birthday. i'm turning 23 on sunday... yet still can't get rid of that "little girl excitement" that has been festering inside of me since i changed the calendar from september to october. seriously. another reason i love my birthday month is because i share it with my mom and my sister-in-law. so every year, we all get together and go out to dinner to celebrate- and we exchange gifts (LOVE THAT). well, tonight was that special night where we were celebrating the three of us. the restaurant of choice: the cheesecake factory. was i excited? uh-hem, do i really need to answer that? pretty obvious that i'd been daydreaming about it all week.

so, i left work 5 minutes after the bell rang (thinking, cheesecake, cheesecake, cheesecake!) and got home. ellie was due for a nap. "ok," i thought. "we can do this." i had a lot to get done; wrapping last minute gifts, getting diaper bag ready, of course pumping, and a lot of other stuff that seemed important then but i can't remember now.

well, of course since we were in a hurry, ellie decided to take a long nap. when she woke up, i felt panicked and rushed. we had to leave right THEN. ellie's happy awake time is precious. but everything wasn't ready. i was a mess. the house was a mess. i started crying. "we're so late!" i yelled at M. he started running around like a chicken with his head cut off- anything to stop the tears. but in my mind, i just kept getting madder and sadder as i thought of being late to my very own birthday party (irrational? maybe. but cut me some slack: i hang out with 5 year olds all day, remember?).

finally we were off.

traffic.

great.

oh well, we were on our way. tears finally stopped. i felt my rational self coming-to. and then,

crreeeeaaakkccchhsurrrsgjlj;akl;asghhh.

WHAT was THAT?

and before we knew it, we were slowly coasting to a stop on the right shoulder of i-15...somewhere in pleasant grove.

wonderful.

"what's wrong?" i asked M (trying to sound nicer than the last time i had yapped at him at the house).

"the car stopped working."

{seriously.}

silence.

more silence.

even more silence.

neither of us knew what to do.

and so, M did what he does when he doesn't know what to do: he called his dad. i did what i do when i don't know what to do: i called my mom.

an hour later, our next door neighbors came to our rescue...and we left the dead swan (our '01 corolla). no cheesecake. no presents. no car. hmmf.

there was a moment when we were sitting there...cars rushing by...the sun setting in the distance...and Elder Wirthlin's talk came to mind. "come what may, and love it." i was kind of mad when i first thought of it. "this doesn't count," i thought. "no one loves this." but, just minutes later, i held ellie in my arms...and she gave me the longest snuggle she'd ever given me. just laid on my shoulder, suckin' on her thumb, watchin' the cars jet by. "ok," i thought. "i do love this."

{snuggle on my shoulder}

so, the swan was towed...and the bad news came: we have to replace her engine. or ditch the swan for a new ride. neither ideal scenarios for a half-time kinder teacher and a full-time accounting student. real life bites, doesn't it? ugh! my first come what may test is a little more than i had bargained for....but i keep thinking back to that sweet snuggle on my shoulder...and i know "everything will work out." will i love it all the while? i'm sure when i can laugh about this in a couple of days...or weeks...or months, i will love it more than i do now.

{sad, stranded family}

p.s. i'd like to thank travis and becca for saving our sad, stranded family (see pic above) on your friday night. you pretty much saved our lives. i'd also like to thank my brother and sister-in-law who did deliver us some cheesecake factory goodness and some birthday surprises. thanks for going out of your way to share some of your party with us! and mom, dad & mimi, thank you for all of the gifts! you are wonderful- i'm sad we missed you tonight.
p.s.s. i just realized that i left my phone in our desolate swan...so if you've been trying to contact me...well, i won't be getting back to you for a while. hmmf.