holga: little friends.

thinking back to when i was a little girl, i remember my life being full of other little people. my mom always had a day-care, and then a preschool, that she ran out of our little homes. naturally all of those little day care and preschool kids became my best friends. i remember going to the zoo with them, having sleep-overs, watching the Little Mermaid, playing with play-dough and singing lots and lots of songs together. my family (my mom, specifically) still keeps in touch with most of those little people- and i love hearing what my friends from my four-year-old life are up to today.

i like to think that Ellie and Alice are equally blessed with lots of wonderful little people in their lives. while i don't run a day-care or a preschool out of my home, we have done joy schools, ballet, park groups and many play dates with little friends that both Ellie and Alice adore, and whom i adore just as much! little friends are just the cutest thing- and i'd like to think that in 20-25 years, they'll all still keep in touch and remember fun memories of joy school, dance recitals, and lots of fun in the sun together, just like i do of my little childhood friends.

{pictures taken on a family hike on the 24th of July with our friends the Heymans}

xoxo

holga: M's birthday.

last night Alice was up all night.
she's been doing that lately. waking up, and then not going back to sleep.
M takes a turn for a while, but then she just cries and cries for Mama, so i get my lazy butt out of bed and take on the irreplaceable role as Mama, even though i can't stop thinking about my pillow and the dream about sprinkles cupcakes i was just having.
something about being up with a kid who normally sleeps through the night makes me very cranky between the hours of 1 - 4 am. "what is wrong with you!?" often fires through my brain. and "why can't M get his lazy butt out of bed and help?" even though he had just been up with her too. what can i say, i'm not my most rational self in the middle of the night.
so i found myself a pillow and blanket and laid by Alice's crib. i sung to her for a good hour and then got too tired. after that every 5 minutes she'd desperately call, "Mama!?" and i'd say, "i'm right here." and she'd settle back in and try to fall asleep.
it made me sad to think i was mad at her. i mean i don't think she wants to be up in the middle of the night, either. who knows what's going on in that little body.
by about 7 am, i heard some snoring from her crib and we both slept for about an hour, when Ellie found me on the floor and excitedly body slammed me. we all crawled in her bed and i just wanted to be asleep the rest of the day.
that's when my hero steps in.
he told me, i'm taking them for the day. you get some sleep and i'll see you later.

what a guy, i tell you.
my hero really.
that seemingly small gesture means the world to me today.

and while i love my little family- and all the fun we have together (like on that sunny beach day of his birthday), my guy knows when i just need a day off from it all.

so glad i get to keep him forever and ever.

xoxo

holga: newport beach.

did you think i had ditched my good friend, Holga?
it has been a while.
but no. i haven't. i never will. i just love this dreamy Holga friend of mine, who took some awesome shots on our day at Newport Beach last month. 
just wanted to share.

i don't know about you, but now i'm tempted to pack it all up and head for the coast.
hope you're enjoying a happy summer!

xoxo

some holgas and motherhood on my mind.

motherhood. it's been on my mind lately.

what an incredibly overwhelming and divine responsibility God gives his daughters to be mothers.
sometimes i think i'm going to have to go into the loony bin with this job. my girls have a way of giving me gray hairs and making me nervous and paranoid and frustrated and worried, and laugh and smile and dance and feel overcome with joy and love all at the same time. i mean only loony-bin people feel all of those feelings at one time, right?


i look into the eyes of these little girls and i realize that while sometimes i feel like they are mine, they are really His. and i just get a little moment in my forever to be their Mama in this way; to teach them, kiss away their bonks and bruises, wipe their tears (even the fake ones), pretend to be a cashier selling princesses for the thousandth time that day (what i am currently doing in between typing sentences), and make them feel loved- that they are important and of infinite worth. it's a daunting task sometimes. like, how do i make sure that they know? how can i be all that they need me to be, and give them all that they need, to make sure that they're safe yet be able to let go someday, not so far away? sometimes i feel like i dont' have an ounce left to give, and then little arms come and envelope me in a warm hug and a wet kiss. how am i ever going to live without these tiny fingers and toes freely giving me hugs and kisses all day every day? sure, the messes are exhausting, and most days 5 pm hits and i wonder if i am going to make it. "can someone else just make dinner tonight?," often goes through my mind...especially when i think about the little voices saying "i don't like it!" after i just slaved in the kitchen for an hour. but all of that seems so futile when i sit there reading stories to them, when Alice lets me hold her and rock her to sleep, when Ellie comes and gives me a note which she says reads, "i love you Marci. (yes she still calls me Marci sometimes) and i really love your kisses," or when they choose to sit at my feet and play (instead of anywhere else in the house) while i update my blog.

i guess one of the things i love most about being a mom is the feeling of being loved back...and so freely by these little ones. i remember wondering if i'd ever feel that way when Ellie was a screaming infant. it felt as though the crying would never end, and that i would always feel inadequate as a mom, and i wondered if i'd ever be good enough for her. but the screaming did end, and while the inadequate feelings never really go away, that feeling of being needed and adored and simply loved by your children is just one of the most elevating and endearing feelings i have ever experienced. in all honestly, i feel unworthy of their purity sometimes. how did i get so blessed? i just don't know. but it's that pure love that keeps me keeping on! it's that pure love that gives my life so much meaning and purpose. and it's that pure love that is helping me look at my reflection in the mirror and realize that i can't wait to see when and how our family will continue to grow someday. hopefully someday soon.

for now, i'm so grateful for my little loves.

 

they make my world go round.

xoxo

holga: california dreamin'

all the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey
i went for a walk on a winter's day 

i'd be safe and warm if i was in LA

California dreamin' on such a winter's day

ok, the skies here are actually pretty blue today.
and i am actually in California.
and it's actually not winter at all. i'm not even sure what winters are anymore...other than massive rain clouds and down-pours. it still kind of weirds me out to not have to buy snow gear.
so i know it is kinda silly that this song is playing in my head.
but it is.
i think it's mostly because i just got back this old roll of Holga film from the end of summer.
and i do miss my Southern Cal home.
i miss my Southern Cal people.
and my Southern Cal beach.
and even though Fall is my fave,
i'm missin' my not-so-white legs, and my girls' cute swimmin' suits just a teense bit today.
so i'm eating watermelon and popsicles (wrapped under a blanket) right now... and dreaming of the smell of sunscreen and salty air.

 

...but don't worry, soup and bread is on the menu tonight... because i'm sure by then my summer cravings will pass and i'll be ready to be cozy again.

xoxo

holga: Santa Cruz.

can you believe it's the last day of July?
seriously???
i feel like summer is slipping through my fingers and i don't know how to stop it.
it's been wonderfully memorable.
even with (and maybe especially because) two little girls latched on my leg and/or hip. (such cuties).
anywayyyy.

one of my favorite things we've done this summer, by far, was going to Santa Cruz for M's birthday.
back story:
M wanted me to plan the day, without any of his help (talk about pressure).
so i thunk and thunk and thunk...
and going to Santa Cruz came to mind, as it's something we've talked about wanting to do for-e-ver (Sandlot style).
so the birthday boy had to work for a few hours, we met for a birthday lunch with grandpa + grandma, and then we gave him some new board-shorts....and headed out 1 1/2 hours to the beach/boardwalk of Santa Cruz.
have you heard about Santa Cruz?
it's adorable.
it's basically this mini-amusement park/carnival right along the beach.
tons of cute, over-priced kiddie rides.
typical swings and Ferris wheels.
delicious funnel cakes, corn dogs, & my personal favorite- cotton candy.
and surrounded by yards and yards of sand to dig and sun-bathe to your hearts content.
so of course, we enjoyed it all.
we rode rides.
we dug dug dug and ran ran ran in the sand.
we stuffed our faces with greasiness and sugar.
and we had the best day ever.
the girls had a blast.
i had a blast.
and the birthday boy had a blast.
so. i'd call it a success.
a big one. (phew).

xoxo