strange, somewhat hostile babbles bubbling over.

hi blogosphere.
i woke up in a horrible mood today.

it was 6:45 when i first heard Alice yelling in her bed. and then Ellie three seconds after that. and by 7:00am they were screaming at each other. whhhhhyyyyyyy??, i thought to myself. and i'm still thinking it.

oh and did i mention that Ellie had wet the bed? yeah, changing pee-sheets is not my favorite start to the day.

the girls have been soooo grumpy the last few days. and so now i'm grumpy. it was only a matter of time.  because grumpy kids = grumpy mom. my patience has grown prosciutto-thin...(i don't even think i've ever eaten prosciutto, i just heard Ellen make that analogy once and i wanted to be cool and use it too). anyway, i don't know what my girls' deal is. something they ate? three days ago? (because it's been going on for three days straight. serenity now.). not enough sleep? (they're waking up at the crack of dawn...but i don't know how to stop that.) behavioral issues that need to be seen by a specialist? (because i just can't take the whining and bullying and crying anymore...and i just know they have some sort of pill that can make it stop).

so then once i was already in a bad mood, i just started dwelling on all the junk in my life right now.

like headaches/migraines. waking up with headaches is super lame! will i always need diet coke every day of my life for the rest of my life?

andddddd i'm more than kinda annoyed that my shorts are so tight right now. why the H are my shorts tight right now? i'm not pregnant, it's almost summer, i've been exercising, and yet my shorts are tight. and before i was wearing these shorts, i had changed because i couldn't button my jeans. well, i could button them, but i couldn't breathe for more than three breaths without wanting to puke, and that's basically the same thing as not being able to button them. and so, since it ticks me off, i bought a loaf of bread from Andersen Bakery. it helps ease the pain.

and then i feel ticked off thinking that eating bread is probably the bulk of my problems. why can't bread make me skinny? well, it sure doesn't and that makes me mad.

and then i look at the piles of laundry. ooohhh the laundry. laundry totally ticks me off. especially on holiday weeks. because Monday is usually my laundry day, and when Monday is a holiday, it totally throws off my groove. and now i still have unfolded baskets of laundry infesting my life on Wednesday. and i'm mad at them. so instead of folding them today, i made a spontaneous visit to TJ Maxx (my favorite store. do you like TJ Maxx? or is it just me?) where i bought a black maxi skirt that didn't need washing OR folding, and that i could wear comfortably (unlike my shorts and pants. because the thought of that is still ticking me off). and then i had buyer's remorse. because i rarely leave a store (even Safeway) without feeling buyer's remorse.

and then guess what? i came home and the laundry was still here. (enter swear-word here). so i turned on the TV because surely that could distract me getting it done. and guess what. there's been NO tv on. nothing new on my DVR to watch. [anger.] i can't waste my time folding laundry if i don't have anything to watch. what am i going to do? how am i ever going to get this laundry done now?

so you see. i'm a conflicted, disgruntled, and hostile soul today.

on a much lighter note: these girls are darling.


Ellie has a ballet recital on Saturday that i can't wait to see. look at that cute tutu! ah, i'm dying over it. after three seconds of Ellie trying on her costume, Alice demanded to be in one too. Alice wants to be just like her big sister. and Ellie is pretty cute, so i get it. i just wish Ellie would see how much Alice idolizes her and be a little (lot) kinder to her. i want my children to be kind, you know? we have not been the kind house this week.

and another exciting thing that almost boosted me out of my bad mood is that Alice's Cirucs Party is featured on Apartment Therapy today! (it would have totally boosted me out of my bad mood if they gave me a million dollars for the awesome party submission + a spell to make my pants button comfortably. but whatevs.) here's the link-

http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/best-kids-parties-the-circus-my-party-171980?img_idx=1

go check it out! thanks to Megs for encouraging me to submit it. it's kinda fun to be famous for a day. or something like that.

xoxo

p.s. a special thank you to my hubs who loves me in spite of hostile days like this. he even wrote me a love-note on our bathroom mirror this morning after i'd most-assuredly rolled my eyes and said something snotty under my bad-morning-breath. man, i'm over the moon for that guy.

latelies.

lots of latelies:

lately i have been loving music. i always love music- but i especially love it when i have new wonderful music to listen to-- and so many of my favorites have come out with new albums! John Mayer, Jason Mraz, Sara Bareilles...i mean really! annnddd, i have fallen in love with Phillip Phillips, who i totally voted for 50 times last night...which i would normally be embarrassed about until M confessed that he voted 79 times. yes, i just divulged that on my blog. but whatevs. back to the point- we're both head over heels for him, and absolutely loved his new single from last night (it is currently playing). we've bought several of his songs- i can't wait for his album someday! man, i have never bought so much music from itunes in such a short amount of time...and i want more- Haley Reinhart, Norah Jones, Carrie Underwood (anyone bought those albums? any good? any other music you've been loving lately? do share.). i love love love music- and my girls love music too, so we naturally break into dance parties several times a day. our dance-anthem lately is "Wild Ones" by Flo Rida. we're pretty hardcore around here. good times.

lately i have been loving fresh flowers in the house. M got me some flowers for mother's day- and when they died, i just couldn't bare going without them in the house again, so i splurged on some gorgeous sunflowers at our farmer's market yesterday. they make me happy. and, lately the farmer's market is the best place ever. cherries for 3.75 a lb!? yes please. the sweetest strawberries ever? i'll take a bucket of 'em. i can't wait to get out to Brentwood to the U-Pick farms. anyone want to join soon?

lately i have loved all the good tv that has been going down / season finales! we love House, and thought the season finale/show ender was awesome. any Gregory House lovers out there? we love House, and were sad to see it end, but thought it was time (i mean, how different mysterious cases can you really keep making up while keeping it interesting?). i thought the New Girl finale was hysterical. i died when she beeped like a road runner at the coyote. the Bachelorette is always good for some classic sleeze and drama (though i'm kind of tired of M saying how gorgeous Emily is. i get it already). SYTYCD is about to start (love some good dancing!). and American Idol has been amazing this season (as already mentioned by my declaration of love for Phillip- he'd better win!). 

lately bedtime is a nightmare. why does this happen?

lately i have been pretty lazy in the cooking department. for some reason when summer comes, the last place i want to be is inside in my hot kitchen making hot stuff. no way jose, get me in the sunshine. so we do classy things like McD's picnics at the park. and when i'm feeling super ambitious i make something i really want to eat like a Margarita Pizza (last night's dinner). i'm awesomely, unhealthily selfish like that.

lately Alice and Ellie are obsessed with glasses/sunglasses. it makes me laugh. they're such girly girls and i love it.

lately we spend a lot of time outside. laying in the grass. blowing bubbles. gardening and dueling spiders. enjoying the sunsets and ice cream cones. 

lately my computer sucks. like it won't connect to the internet for some reason (?) and randomly shuts down because it says that it's out of power (but it's plugged in?). makes me furious. especially because we are in such a computer-world. i feel like i need my computer for everything...and then it randomly shuts down. for reals? i am so ready to get a new one...and to throw mine against the side of my house when i do. it will feel so good. said in a very loving, non-angry way.  

lately Ellie is really stubborn about what she wears. and about what Alice wears, too. so please don't judge when my kids look like a couple a hoodlums out and about. some battles just aren't worth fighting...and lately that's one of them.

lately my house is a perpetual disaster. and i don't care because we're too busy doing important things like painting nails and playing at the park and having fun.

lately Alice is obsessed with the potty. why is she already obsessed with the potty? shoot me now. look at this face- it's like she knows that she's about to give me a total run for my money. i hate potty training. sooooooo much.

lately the girls are obsessed with their daddy. i'm kinda obsessed with their daddy, too. 

lately i miss my family a lot. my sister is dating a new guy. a new guy who seems like he could be Mr. Right. (she might be mad that i am telling the world this). but i hate this part of living far away. how can she be seriously dating a guy that i have never met? drives me crraazzzy. i miss her and wish i could tell her i approve because he's perfect.  i miss my mom's laugh and my dad's teasing. lately i wish we lived close. that we were a part of each other's day-to-day messy lives. but we're not. and lately that makes me feel sad.

but lately i love my life here. i love the friends i've made. they are wonderful and make me laugh all the time. i love that our kids love each other and that we can talk about anything. i love how different we each are and yet how well we get a long. so much of loving where you live is the people who surround you- and so i know that so much of why i love my life here is because of them- and that makes me so grateful. thank you friends for being so awesome. i'm ready for another girl's night, yes?

lately busy life is winding down- ballet ends next week (can't wait for the recital) and joy school ends the week after that (can't wait for their cute lil graduation!). i can't believe that summer is here! it's nuts. i will miss Ellie's cute activities- joy school and dance are wonderful...but i admit,  we're looking forward to swimming and sunshine and birthdays...and all those fun, spontaneous summer things. 

lately my girls are looking so big and grown up. they are giants!  i hold them and my arms hurt. Ellie is a big kid. Alice isn't a baby at all. these are happy things, but give my heart a twinge of sadness...because i realize that this lately won't last for always...so lately, i've been trying to tickle more, and stress less, and to take it all in. i don't want to miss a thing, you know? 

xoxo

some holgas and motherhood on my mind.

motherhood. it's been on my mind lately.

what an incredibly overwhelming and divine responsibility God gives his daughters to be mothers.
sometimes i think i'm going to have to go into the loony bin with this job. my girls have a way of giving me gray hairs and making me nervous and paranoid and frustrated and worried, and laugh and smile and dance and feel overcome with joy and love all at the same time. i mean only loony-bin people feel all of those feelings at one time, right?


i look into the eyes of these little girls and i realize that while sometimes i feel like they are mine, they are really His. and i just get a little moment in my forever to be their Mama in this way; to teach them, kiss away their bonks and bruises, wipe their tears (even the fake ones), pretend to be a cashier selling princesses for the thousandth time that day (what i am currently doing in between typing sentences), and make them feel loved- that they are important and of infinite worth. it's a daunting task sometimes. like, how do i make sure that they know? how can i be all that they need me to be, and give them all that they need, to make sure that they're safe yet be able to let go someday, not so far away? sometimes i feel like i dont' have an ounce left to give, and then little arms come and envelope me in a warm hug and a wet kiss. how am i ever going to live without these tiny fingers and toes freely giving me hugs and kisses all day every day? sure, the messes are exhausting, and most days 5 pm hits and i wonder if i am going to make it. "can someone else just make dinner tonight?," often goes through my mind...especially when i think about the little voices saying "i don't like it!" after i just slaved in the kitchen for an hour. but all of that seems so futile when i sit there reading stories to them, when Alice lets me hold her and rock her to sleep, when Ellie comes and gives me a note which she says reads, "i love you Marci. (yes she still calls me Marci sometimes) and i really love your kisses," or when they choose to sit at my feet and play (instead of anywhere else in the house) while i update my blog.

i guess one of the things i love most about being a mom is the feeling of being loved back...and so freely by these little ones. i remember wondering if i'd ever feel that way when Ellie was a screaming infant. it felt as though the crying would never end, and that i would always feel inadequate as a mom, and i wondered if i'd ever be good enough for her. but the screaming did end, and while the inadequate feelings never really go away, that feeling of being needed and adored and simply loved by your children is just one of the most elevating and endearing feelings i have ever experienced. in all honestly, i feel unworthy of their purity sometimes. how did i get so blessed? i just don't know. but it's that pure love that keeps me keeping on! it's that pure love that gives my life so much meaning and purpose. and it's that pure love that is helping me look at my reflection in the mirror and realize that i can't wait to see when and how our family will continue to grow someday. hopefully someday soon.

for now, i'm so grateful for my little loves.

 

they make my world go round.

xoxo