lucky.

right now i should be preparing my lesson for YW.
i kind of am.
even though since i am blogging, i'm mostly not.
the lesson is on "the Priesthood" and how it is a great blessing.
my brain keeps getting distracted to this feeling of homesickness that is completely insane, irrationally emotional, and inexplicable-- since i just returned from visiting my family, and since i will see them all again this next week at my brother's graduation. maybe i'm crazy? probably. pregnancy hormones? yes yes, let's blame it on that. i'm ticked at pregnancy right now. it's wearing me out. it deserves the blame of all the junk right now.

i keep looking at pictures of my trip and thinking how lucky i am.
and how lucky we all are.
how lucky we are that our Heavenly Father loved us enough to send us down to this crazy world in little packs. little families. not perfect families. but perfect families for us.

and then it got me thinking, i think if i really could, i would miss heaven a lot. sometimes i get little glimpses of what heaven will be like- like when Ellie requests to say a prayer, and we stand there, our little three-some family, praying to Heavenly Father...she says "bless mommy. bless gammy. bless daddy. bless Lucy (my parents' dog). love you. in Jesus' name, amen." and i can imagine it like that going on forever and ever- conversing with our Father, being together spending meaningful time together. or like when we sit on the beach and watch the sun set and wonder if the world could ever look more beautiful. and then it makes me kind of homesick for Heaven.

so what's my remedy for homesickness, earthly or heavenly? (besides my 3lb bag of gummie bears & case full of otter pops...and chocolate i have randomly stashed in corners throughout the house)

earthly remedies:

• going through pictures. remembering sweet memories that aren't so far away. and looking forward to new ones. 

• phone calls. lot's of 'em (thanks mom). and/or texts. thanks bff's & sisters for always responding to me.
• hugs from M. not the ones that he tries to fix it after. but the ones where he just holds me and seems to understand that i just need to be a little sad for a minute or two. then i'll be ok.
• listening to songs. one that keeps popping in my lil brain is "i'll be seeing you." you know, that old Frank Sinatra song. it's not too long- it goes like this:

I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces all day through
In that small cafe, the park across the way

The children's carousel, the chestnut trees, the wishing well

I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you in the mornin' sun
And when the night is new

I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you

i like that song. because i really do see my family and friends and loved ones in the world around me. especially when it's just me.

heavenly remedies:

• praying.
• receiving priesthood blessings
• studying messages from the prophets- scriptures or conference tlaks.
• going to the temple

is all of this too churchy?
maybe.
but it's what's on my brain. i'm homesick. homesick for my earthly family. and my heavenly one too. but i'm grateful for telephones and bended knees to keep me in touch and make me feel a little less sick and a little more glad.yes yes, i'm a lucky girl. just gotta remind myself of that every now and then.

 xoxo

she stands on her head, and does other things too.

haven't given you an Ellie update in a while....
so here's a picture to give you one:

they say a picture is worth a thousand words...and this one truly is.
you see, these days, Ellie loves to stand on her head.

she loves to smile and laugh.

she loves her stuffed animals...and somehow, more and more of them are ending up in her crib. i don't know how she even has room to sleep with all of those animals invading her space.

she has the cutest toes in the whole world. and i hate feet, so that's saying a lot.

she knows her toes are cute and kisses them regularly.

and she gives kisses to just about everything (hence her toes) including her baby, the tv when something cute comes on tv (she'll kiss it and say, "cute Tink," or "cute Princess."), her food when she's delighted with it (which is becoming very rare these days), her Gammy, Pops, Grandma & Grandpa, and Mama and Dada...but that's just cuz we're around to solicit them regularly. if she knew you, she'd kiss you gladly too.

she also likes to adorn her cute feet with my heels, her pretend heels, daddy's work shoes, mama's running shoes, and any other shoes than the ones she really should be wearing.

and, even though these next facts have nothing to do with the picture, while i'm on a roll, i'll just keep going.

she's that kid in nursery. the one who cries the whole time. in fact, after 3 weeks in a row (in our new ward) of having the leader finally come and get us after an hour of inconsolable crying, we've resorted to M staying with her in there until she knows people a little better. she's too dang smart and aware that she's in a room full of strangers. and she knows it's coming too- as soon as the closing prayer in Sacrament Meeting happens, she starts crying and saying "Mama hold you" (which really means, Mama, hold me...she has her pronouns (is that what they're called? oh man, i've been out of school too long) a little twisted)...and then she goes ballistic as soon as M takes her out. it's pretty embarrassing. and most of the time, i just want to melt away under the pews.

she's a jabber-box (not to be confused with jabber-wocky...those things are creepy. but that movie was awesome. loved it.). she's putting together sentences now. such as "ellie nap today," "more treat please?," "oh silly mama. silly funny mama," and "mmm, de-yish-ush (delicious) hot dog!" it's pretty cute. but beware- she likes for you to acknowledge what she's saying...and she'll say whatever she's saying over and over and over again until you do. (ie, if she wants a jamba, "jamba? jamba? jamba? thirsty? thirsty? hungry? jamba? jamba? jamba? JAMBA!!!!!!!"). yeah, it can make you go nuts. especially in quiet sacrament meeting (let's not go there again).

she's the pickiest human ever to roam the earth. she wants to eat yogurt all day long. that and chocolate. which, let's be honest, is ridiculous (but smart). i try to shove things like potatoes, carrots, rice, ham, and cheese down her throat all day every day...but she just gets mad and pops me in the face. pasta is a favorite, but i mean, can we eat pasta every lunch and dinner? my prego senses say "I DON'T THINK SO." ugh. i need help in this area. bad.

she's OBSESSED with my makeup. no matter where it is hidden, she finds it. just today, she found my mascara (in a zipped pocket of my purse) and a very magenta-ish lip-gloss...in a jacket pocket. i mean, COME ON! don't you worry, she knew exactly what to do with them both (though i think she confused the lip-gloss for mascara at first, as some ended up on her eye).....and made a nice globby mess for me to clean up. where was i, you ask? as any mom knows, you leave the room for 10 seconds to make a PB&J for them for lunch, and BAM. mascara everywhere.

{not the most flattering of Ellie pic's...but she was NOT pleased that i was taking a picture of her at this moment. sometimes, superstars get sick of the paparazzi, i suppose.}

she loves to color and loves to read books (and we're still learning that coloring does not happen at the same time as reading books). her favorite book right now is "The Little Mouse, The Red Ripe Strawberry, and The Big Hungry Bear." she asks for it ALL. THE. TIME. and she can even recite the end with me. it's pretty cute. i love reading to her. it makes me sad to think that not all kids get the wonderful opportunity to be exposed books at a young age. i just think it's so wonderful, and so important.

she's now starting to want to dress herself. which is often a nightmare....like when this morning, she wanted to put pants on...but already had some on. i tried explaining that she wouldn't be able to get them on top of her other ones. she freaked. she knows best, i guess. the good thing is, she looks pretty dang cute in anything. so-- if she wants to choose what she wants to wear, so be it.

{this is a picture of her in her Easter dress that Grandma Lynne made for her. you heard me right- she made it. isn't it adorable?? i soooo wish i could sew (pun intended :)}

really though, when i think about it, Ellie just is so easy to please. she really is. she loves walks- and notices every leaf, flower, rock, flag, car, bird, squirrel, bug, dog bark, and everything else you can imagine.

she loves the zoo- we have a season pass, and we go often. her favorite part is seeing the little frogs. seriously. THE FROGS. not the monkeys, not the tigers. not the lions. not even the big huge elephants or giraffes. THE FROGS. the tiny orange ones in the tiny glass cage. silly girl.

she loves the park- especially the slide.

 {taken today...my cute lil happy slidin' machine}

she loves Mary Poppins (and sings along..it makes me so proud), The Princess and the Frog, Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure, any Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode (which i scarcely allow to be watched because all of the songs get stuck in my head...at like 3 am. it's terrible), Snow White, and remains loyal to her one true love, Elmo (and Sesame Street in general). i know i shouldn't let her watch so many movies/tv...but it's so cute to me how much she loves it..and plus, i feel i've accomplished much by getting out of my bed and out of my PJ's these days...so watching a movie here and there is a fun part of our day. i'm just not a freak about it...maybe i should be.

and i guess, when all is said and done, it's so hard to really put into words how you feel about your own little children. i don't think words really cut it anymore. they just don't. but since words are what i have to try to express to you how i feel...i'll tell you this- just the other night, as i awoke little Ellie from her nap (because she would just sleep until like 6 pm if i let her...seriously), i held her in my arms and began to cry. i thought to myself, "i won't be able to rock you and hold you like this forever, my sweet Ellie. please, please, please stop growing up."

but then i thought, "i love you more than yesterday...so if you must grow up, you must. and then i promise to love you more tomorrow than i do today.
just please promise me one thing in return, let me keep you, and be your mama forever."

and that's my little update on my little Ellie.
how i love her.

xoxo

mi casa es su casa

well, i love conference for an infinite number of reasons.

reason # 1: my lil dry spiritual canteen exceeds capacity after the first musical number by the choir.
reason # 2: i now get to see my utah home...without actually being there...and yet it makes me feel like i'm there. like i'm home. it's wonderful.
reason # infinity: i get to feel the love my Heavenly Father has for me and all of his children. and what greater feeling is there than that really?
and somewhere in there is reason # thirty something...which is that it gives me a minute or two or four-hundred-eighty...to sit, listen, reflect..and do mindless things i often neglect, like organizing pictures.

hence, i finally organized my house post. i don't think anyone will appreciate this more than me, M, & M's dad (ok and maybe Jeff)...all of whom were helpers in this rennovation project we now call home. but, alas, it was a lot of work, and a lot of work always is worthy of a fairly lengthy blog post (one which includes a hefty amount of pictures..luckily downsized by the miraculous invention of "photo collages").

so, without further adieu, let me introduce you.....to....
ouuurrr house!

i will now divide this post into three parts: BEFORE pictures, DURING pictures (which include some heavy, intense demolition pictures), and the most exciting part, AFTER pictures (which really should be called "PRESENT" pictures...aka, "pictures taken at the present time, which in no way reflect an end result, but rather a work in progress"). ok. so here we go:

BEFORE PICTURES:
(take note of the awesome teal tub/toilet combo, the sweet floral wall-paper, the ghetto pool, 1/3 filled with murky-turkey water, and the awesome wood paneling that sandwiches the fireplace. this place was rockin' when we first saw it).

 

 DURING PICTURES: 

(demolishing things isn't really my thing...but i've never seen M or his dad so happy than they were when they showed us the pictures and videos they had taken of the pool being destroyed by the Bobcats. wow. also notice the pic of M underneath the house...now that's a tight crawl space. finally, you should know that we completely gutted the bathrooms-- tore down a wall to make a bigger shower, and did a lot of other crazy crap that i can't even remember. and when i say "we"...i actually mean M and his dad. and this usually all happened between 10 pm and 2 am on weekdays. awesome).

 

AFTER PICTURES:

(as aforementioned, these are not so much "after pictures" as they are "after the destruction" pictures. this means that we still have much to do...these are simply pictures of the house now being livable...this includes {but is not limited to}: new carpets, new doors, fresh paint in every room and on every ceiling, new floorboards, new light fixtures, new closet doors, and brand spankin' new everything in the bathrooms {yes they did those incredible tile jobs themselves. no they are not for hire}. our most recent beast is now: LANDSCAPING. dun dun dun....hence, a very empty, dirt-ful backyard).

 

and just because i'm a girl...and i know you'd appreciate these little details, i thought i'd share my two most favorite decorations in our house at this point:

and, not to be redundant, but that all resides inside this lil casita in the middle of our street:

and thus concludes the massively overloaded, long awaited post about our new lil house here in beautiful Northern California. hopefully it did not disappoint.

oh, and consider this an open invitation to come and visit anytime. bed & breakfast is our specialty (my fave is waffles or french toast, but i'd be more than willing to adjust and cater to your faves, wants, and/or needs).

xoxo
p.s. a special warm thanks to Rick for being the spine of this whole process, Jeff for your countless hours of painting, Lynne for watching Ellie all those days + afternoons while i painted, projected, or unpacked yet another box, and M for being the heart and soul behind this whole thing...i love you all -- a day doesn't pass that i don't think of you and how immense your contribution has been to our happiness in our first home. hug, hug, triple hug.
p.s.s. please note that i am aware there are TONS of empty walls, and tons of empty spaces everywhere. decor is on my to-do list....and i hope to share some of my favorite finds in the future.. ok, now i'm really done.