school's out for-eva

today marks a monumental day in my life.

you see, today is the first first day of school in twenty years that i am not participating in....either as teacher or student.

you heard me right.

twenty years.

just thought you might like to know.

i will now go back to jumping on my bed while simultaneously doing my make-up, watching elmo's world, and making my lil toddler laugh.



(yes, i'm putting all those years of education to good use).

xoxo

confessions...california style

i thought i'd make a little deviation from my normal confessions segment......and introduce:

confessions: from my california eyes

1. i'm not very green. at all. and let me tell you, going green is a really big deal here in nor-cal. example: i'm pretty sure that 95% of californians in my area use their own reusable grocery bags. that information would've been useful BEFORE we went grocery shopping this week. i felt several greenly-conscious individuals peering down at me with eyes that said "wow, you're using enough plastic for the rest of us here, lady." and i wanted to say, "haven't you heard of the suffering economy? do you think i can afford to buy that many reusable bags? and then try to remember to bring them every time i shop anywhere? sounds exhausting."

2. i'm a terrible driver. i've known this for quite some time...but i'm becoming even more aware of this in this busy-racing-zoo-like-urban-jungle that i am adjusting to. i'm also discovering that using a blinker is basically a signal for any and every person to cut me off. what's up with that? anyway, one of my favorite bad-marci-driving experiences is the following:

three summers ago, M and i lived in southern california where he was doing the exotic job of summer sales (cough). well, my lil sis decided that coming to visit me for a couple weeks that summer sounded pretty fun. so along she came. well, there was this one road- Murrieta Hot Springs Road, to be exact...that had street lights like every 10 feet. really. it was ri-dic-u-lous. and it wasn't uncommon to find yourself accelerating excitedly only to become disappointed 2 seconds later at the sight of yet another yellow light. blasted street. well, one of those lights had one of those stupid cameras on them...the ones that snap a photo of you if you run a red light on it. well, Mimi and i were jabbering on and on (probably about some boy...or zac efron...or maybe we were quoting she's the man....or talking about something else equally embarrassing). but before we could say "i have a life-time of knowledge" i saw a flash of light. crap. double crap. i think i just got busted.
but months passed. we never heard anything about a ticket. maybe i got let off the hook?
ppphhhh.
wishful thinking.
we get a phone-call. mike's parents, who, unbeknownst to me, received all our information on our lil swan (our '01 corolla)....since it was registered in california. "uhm.........just curious...did marci run a red light recently?," they say. M's eyes pour into my soul.
gulp.
double, triple, quadruple gulp.
choke on spit.
"i think....uh...i....uh-hem....might have run a....red light.....a while ago...."

the phone conversation continues: "we have a hilarious picture of marci here.....she looks so peaceful.....in FOUR DIFFERENT ANGLES......clearly in the middle of the intersection."

caught.
crappers.

well, $400 bucks later, and many "sorry's" and "i promise i'll be better's" later....i am ticket-free.
like i said, i'm a terrible driver.
i'm getting better though.... ?
maybe you should ask M if that's really true.

3. i think i'd choose reading over any other activity of leisure out there. i'm happy to read all day long. even if hunger is yelling at me to stop. even when a baby crawls on top of me.


i love escaping to my reading world. i've escaped here lots since we've been in california. maybe i feel more at home in my reading world? or maybe it's because my reading world is so peaceful. it has fairies, dragons, girls who talk to geese, princes, vampires, authors, and happily ever afters. my reading world never disappoints. it never leaves me. it never moves. sure, it is fantasy. but it also never runs out. and a life-time of fantasy-world....is enchanting.
i'm not so sure my M would agree........ :)

4. i really like it here. (shhhhhh!!! don't tell!...because i'm supposed to hate it, remember!?) sure it's crowded with people. sure, i like to complain because i miss my family and my friends and my awesome next-door neighbors and my frozen yogurt place down the street and the library that ellie loves and seven peaks....and the list could go on and on. but we're really trying to find new places to love.
and while it's different (reallllllly different)....
it's already growing on me.
i love the how it smells (when someone isn't spitting out second hand smoke). it's clean. and when you sit on the beautiful front lawn at my inlaws' house, it smells like freshly cut grass and roses and vanilla and clean linen. it's lovely.
i love having this big house to stay in. ellie has more than 10 square feet to explore! she loves to climb up the stairs. she loves standing in the HUGE pantry and pull off her snacks, and them to me and clearly say, "MO-WA" (more). she loves to play in the pool. she loves the HUGE tv that plays a larger-than-life elmo.
i love having grandma and grandpa chapman here to love on E all the time. they love her. and she loves them. and she's so lucky to have them.

and so, while it's easy to hate it here...because i miss home so much, it's easier to love it here...because i'm happier when find things i love about being here.

and that's a big thing to confess for me.

so i think i'll leave it at that :)

xoxo

home

i think my favorite thing about my little family is that we can go 1,000 miles away....
and the kisses are just as sweet,
the hugs are just as warm,
and the love is just as strong.

they say that home is where the heart is...
and while pieces of my heart are still in utah,
pieces of my heart also belong with these two cute little humans.


and so, slowly but surely,
i'm feeling at home.

and that feels nice.

more real updates to come real soon.
(including airport drama, ellie funny's, and confessions).

stay tuned!

xoxo

an emotional geyser

tonight, i'm feeling emotionally geysered.

what does that mean exactly, you ask?

well, a geyser is basically like an explosion. all this pressure builds up under the earth, and then all of a sudden, WABAM! it explodes. and if you're a cool enough explosion, people gather from all over the world and take pictures by you and name you a dog's name like "old faithful."

anyways.

tonight is my last night here in utah.
and thus the explanation for my geyser-ing.
i think i've been unusually strong amidst this huge change.
but tonight, i just want to be a little girl, curled up in my mom and dad's bed, and for them to go get that loved-to-death (literally) blanket of mine and tell me everything is going to be alright.
instead, i get to be the grown-up, offering a blankie (and a very adorable little pig) to my little girl to tell her that everything is going to be alright...even though deep down, can i really be so sure?

but i have to say this:

i am sure.

while i am sad, and dramatically tearful at this moment, i am at peace. because exactly one year ago, my sweet hubby and i had the most peaceful of experiences as we both knew with overwhelming certainty that California was where our little family needed to be at this time.
and so that's where we will go.
and so, brave i will be. because my baby needs me to be. because my hubby needs me to be. because i need me to be.

and there's not much more to say tonight than that.

xoxo

grumpy post

oh hi.

my name is marci.

i post as "marce." (pronounced like this: mar-sssssss). because that's what my friends call me. and my family too. it's my nickname.
you may not remember me because....well, i fell off the planet, adopted a crazy child, and moved to kansas where tornadoes run rampant (aka, i've been running here and there trying to get my life in order, have a one-year-old who suddenly decided that dumping out boxes of cheerios and unpacking every packed box is the fun thing to do (toys are so overrated), and thus, my house resembles a tornado zone).

nice to see you again.

i really, really don't want to post. because i feel sad and mad and don't feel like being all cute and fuzzy and trying to find something brilliant to say. (whoa, maybe i woke up on the wrong side of my air mattress this morning? {did i mention that all of our furniture is gone?})

so, i'm going to sulk. for today. and maybe another week.
because i'm not ready for the move.
but ready or not, the move is ready for me.
so here it comes.
watch out, San Fran.

wish me luck.
(and a small amount of tears....because no tears.....is just not how it's going to be).

xoxo

p.s. since a post is just not a post without pictures, here's my tribute to summer as it slips from our fingers.......viva seven peaks and canyon camp fires!
dear utah, i already miss you. love, marce.

lots...and lots...and lots of glimpses

i feel like i've been living my life in glimpses the last few weeks..
random glimpses of little girl marci.
random glimpses of older responsible marci (who doesn't seem to exist yet but quite possibly is out there).
i'd like to share some of my random glimpses with you, blogging world.

first, some short lil glimpses of our summer:

we've done lots of inflatable-pool-swimming-in-the-backyard...which means naked baby bums are completely acceptable and adorable (but for the sake of the publicness of this blog, i will not be posting pictures of naked bums at this time. instead, here's a super happy cheesy grin...always present with ellie while swimming).


we enjoyed our first little family getaway to Park City where we pulled the mattress from the bedroom into the living room space and taught ellie how to jump on the bed. she was very impressed.


we've solidified friendships and family-ships by having bbq's, talking on the porch till wee hours of the night, going to the discovery gateway, swimming, cooking, conversing, and laughing while enjoying the air-conditioned family room, going to st. george to enjoy delicious food, laughs, movies, the HEAT, swimming, a GORGEOUS house, more laughs, crazy children, dinkles (thats for you traverteen), and relaxation...all to realize that our time together is growing very short. (below you will enjoy a random assortment of summertime pictures ranging from museums to st georgisms).

ellie's first time to discovery gateway:

who do you think taught her how to do that???

some glimpses from our awweeeesome trip to st. george:

now, back to the glimpses.......

we relived my kaysvilleness while my parents/sista escapaded along the islands of hawaii....

i had glimpses of a few things:

1. taking care of a big house is a lot harder than you'd think. while there's more space, there's more space to get messy. which means more to pick up. and clean.

2. watering pots of flowers is kind of stressful. i found myself overwhelmed with thoughts, "is that leaf brown because of me? did i over water it? did i under water it? how can i be sure?"

3. i have always considered myself a dog person. i love dogs. we had a golden retriever named shadow when i was little who i loved and still miss. my parents now have another golden named lucy. she's adorable....and a lot of work to take care of. the walking, the playing, the poop cleaning, the playing, the walking....whoa. maybe we won't have a dog in our house?? am i really going to be that mom...you know, the uncool one that doesn't let her kids have pets because they are a lot of work?? i guess only time will tell.


being home also caused me to have several glimpses to my past:

1. running into old friends unexpectedly...and also expectedly.

exhibit a: i was running by my old friend Colby's house and his mom and little sister were out on their driveway getting ready for a run of their own. an hour and much reminiscing later, we had tears in our eyes and hugged like a million times. who knows when we'll see each other again, she said. i ran away thinking, she's right. who knows when we'll see each other again. and i got all teary eyed again. anyway, this picture is of our group of friends at Colby's house after his farewell. i love these people.


exhibit b: six years later and still making each other laugh like there's no tomorrow...the meenals got together for dinner at the olive garden. what a special treat for me. thanks for taking the time, ladies! how i love you all and will miss our laughs and good talks.



exhibit c: i decided to go to the DHS track. i had this flood of memories surge through my body as the marching band played, the cheerleaders practiced, and track stars ZOOMED past me left and right. it made me remember all the football games and early morning practices and si se puede's. (is it just me or do most my memories revolve around high school?)

exhibit d: i got to catch up with other friends...who i neglected to get pictures with...but of which was equally wonderful. my friend ju is having triplets- and i got to see her just a week before she had her C section. she's my hero. this is a picture of us our freshman year of college:

we also got to see our old neighbors josh and brittany who moved to Clinton. we loved seeing their place and having burgers and talking education. always good times with the barons.

while at the 'rents house, i also looked through my old junk...you know, all the old class work and pictures and notes i've saved for who-knows-what. well, i came upon these little gems- books that i used to write. you see, i've always wanted to be a children's book author. one of my favorite stories i've ever written was when i was eight. it was called "My Fable: The Elephant and the Peacock."



basically, it was about this elephant who hated his skin. so he went looking for new skin. luckily, he ran into a pack of peacocks...so he asked them if he could use their feathers for new skin. they kindly obliged. well, upon returing to the circus with his new skin, his friends were apalled and kicked him out. the story finished with the line, "You cannot fool anyone with borrowed feathers." pretty deep for an eight-year-old, huh? maybe someday you'll see a book about an elephant and the peacocks in your nearby shop around the corner...

we also had a little b-day party here at my parents house for mike (shhh don't tell). it was fun to finally throw a party at the parents house without them knowing and get away with it...and not get in trouble for it (even though my mom reads my blog and will be reading this little statement upon her return...oops). it was so fun to have a last hoorah before we head out. i unfortunately didn't pull my camera out till most everyone had left- but here are a few glimpses of the party:


but it made me have several glimpses of parties we've had in this wonderful house. one where i was in 6th grade- i had a costume party (i have an october birthday) and we had a pumpkin carving contest- well i was wearing this gorgeous princess gown with these lace sleeves that my grandma had made for me...and i went to light the jack-o-lanterns with a match...and POOF! in less than a second i was on fire. all the lace up my sleeve, the front of my dress.....i basically looked like a running bomb. luckily, i remembered how to stop, drop, and roll...and i did just that...but i had several burns which led to scars for several years. craziness.


another where i was 16- and my best friend jmhc (with the help of my mom of course) threw me the sweetest surprise birthday party after a football game EVER. it felt like the whole world was there. and my mom really embarrassed me by having my birthday cake have a huge picture of me on it. geeze. but it was a blast.


i've thought of all the fiesta nights. and sleepovers. and long talks. and door step scenes. man, i'm gonna miss this house.

other glimpses we've been having:

ellie is getting older. she is looking older. she is getting an attitude. she is giving kisses freely to any and all. she is giving stink faces like crazy. she is beautiful. we've been looking at pictures of when i was a baby and mike was a baby- and it's crazy to realize what a good mix she is of us.
here's a little glimpse into life with our 14 month old ellie (let's just say....life is BUUUSSSY):

(i know i already posted these...but they're so cute, i had to double post them. kind of like double dipping, i know. i promise to not repeat)

along with this little glimpse of ellie, i'd like to add: i've had a little glimpse of what it's like to be a stay-at-home mom. can i just say, hardest job in the world...but best job in the world? i'm waaay less rested than i thought i would be this summer. and i wouldn't have it any other way.

so, this means, while others are scurrying and planning getting ready for yet another year of school, i'm not. i have a tinge of sadness- mostly because i won't get to be with these lovely ladies every day any more- but i'm so grateful they took the time to lunch with me last week. i will sorely miss their love and wisdom in my life.

and as for a glimpse of our present-
our life is kind of in a limbo state: M isn't really working right now (well, he's always doing something- but we're talking 9-5 job...which we realize will really be like a 6-7 job...eek), i'm not working right now....we're packing up our life- with nowhere to really go yet, since we haven't bought a home yet. it's exciting...but kind of feels like the warm before the storm...you know, everything is just kind of still for a minute- but you can see the chaos heading straight for you...and there's no way to avoid it...so you may as well embrace it. but i'm not ready to embrace the change quite yet. i'm fearful. i'm worried. i'm anxious. and i just want to hide under my covers with my pillow over my head and pretend that the storm will just pass me and i can go on with my life. sigh.

we've been looking to buy houses. which we're realizing is a lengthy, overwhelming, daunting process...one that seems impossible. it's hard to imagine your life in a new place without knowing exactly where that new place is going to be...or where to even start looking where it could or should be. thank goodness for prayer.

we're realizing it's august.
the month we move.
all of this is going by f-a-s-t.
why won't it ssllllooooowwwwww dooooowwwwnnnn??

we're having glimpses of what it feels like to say good bye.
i'm having glimpses of what it feels like to have a broken heart.

sniff.

xoxo

*note: wow, longest post eeevvveeeerrrrrr. just sayin.*