normal...kinda-sorta...

{this photo is over a year old of our little family...but i love how you can see the love on our faces...well, other than Ellie's face...she's at that age where she's captivated by the fact that she can move those wiggly things attached to her hands called "fingers"... but on M&M's faces...oh sweet love.}

i'm feeling a little more normal now that my better half has returned from the desert of Arizona (at least for a week).
i don't know what happens to me when M travels...
for the first couple days all is hunky dory.
i'm glad to miss him and have a little break-- not in a mean way-- just in a "sometimes he drives me nuts" sorta way.
but then after those first couple of days- i get all whacked out.
my independent self goes out the window.
i forget who i am.
i become all helpless and weepy.
i start going in stores like BevMo thinking they're BigLots and i can't sleep at night..and when i do, i start having terrible nightmares of him having affairs with really hot, tall, blonde, sexy women somewhere in some Casino in Arizona (do they even have Casinos in Arizona? regardless- it's a dream). but then, i wake up, and i'm all mad at him. as if he really did something.
and then i start listening to sad, sappy love songs that make me feel all lonely and even more helpless.
so i put on movies like Pride & Prejudice to imagine my M as Mr. Darcy.

oh gosh, i'm that pathetic girl.
the one i always scoffed at. made fun of. swore i'd never in a million years be.
that's me.
sigh.

but now he's back.
and i'm back.
and i am swearing to myself that i won't be that ridiculously irrational next time he leaves.
which is on Monday.
holy cow--the thought of him leaving is already stressing me out again.
how do you wives do it who have hubby's that travel all the time? don't you hate it? i do. but i'm sure you got that from this strange rant of a post.

and so, the point of it all: i'm so thankful for Thanksgiving this week (how cliche!). i consider holidays little gifts nowadays- ones that i look forward to opening for weeks in advance to recharge my emotional batteries. i hope you can recharge yours, too.

happy thanksgiving week to you!
xoxo

an autopilot post.

i realized something strange was going on in Sacrament meeting on Sunday.
after wrestling a little with Ellie...and convincing her that the bread we brought from home was just as good as the bread in the tray, and that the drinks we had were sufficient to quench her thirst...even more sufficient, in fact, than the thimble-sized cups of water they administer...we were taking a little bit of a breather as she played with Grandma sitting on the bench with us. (side note: having a Grandma is the best in Sacrament meeting. for us + for Ellie.)

so, back to our breather..
i look over to M.
and was a little disturbed.
i shockingly whispered, "what the heck are you doing?"
he looked down at his hands that were poking and massaging the bum of Ellie's undressed baby (for some reason, Ellie refuses to keep her babies clothed. i think she is saying to us: you see, us babies are far happier naked. take a hint, M-O-M).
nervously, M chuckled.
and said, "i didn't even realize i was doing that..i swear."
and we laughed.
and he put it down.
i think he was facing a bad case of the auto-pilots.

then, yesterday, i was so excited to notice a BigLots! on the corner here. i have a couple items on my Christmas list (insert WHOA here-- Christmas shopping already??) that i thought i might find at BigLots!, but i had to get home, so i decided i'd go back out later. later came around so i grabbed my BigLots! list, my cute little baby E, and we hit the road. so we were driving along, and i was thinking about Christmas gifts, which led me to think about Christmas recipes, which led me to think of dinner recipes, which led me to think about what i was going to make for dinner. all of a sudden, i noticed the sign behind me. i'd passed it! so i went back.
i then started thinking about Gregory House. (another side note: does anyone watch House? i really love that show). so was thinking about House which led me to think about how happy i was that he had changed and how i wished that Cutty would see his new good heart soon.
dang, where am i?
where is that place?
you guessed it. i passed it again.

well, third time's the charm right?
wrong.
i was thinking about a lot of stuff that i don't even remember while entertaining Ellie and missed it all over again.

so, after three times of missing the blasted entrance, i finally got in the parking lot, parked he car, and grabbed the kid and put her on my hip. we walked towards BigLots! and opened the door.
i felt confused.

there was no random electronic section.
there was not a random toy section.
there was no random aisles or candy.
there were, however, several assortments of kitchen items.... mostly wine glasses and bottle openers.
i then noticed that this place had lots of wine.
lots and lots of wine.
and rum.
and beer.
and probably vodka.
(those are pretty much all of the alcoholic beverages i know. yes, i'm an ignorant, non-drinker-type)
i took a double-take to the sign, and finally realized it said BEVMO!   not   BIGLOTS!
crap.
autopilot, i tell you.

even later,
i pulled out from my stash a pack of peanut m&m's.
(yes i have a stash. it may or not be located in a drawer under my bed. no, M does not know about this stash. no, i do not intend on him finding out about this stash. enough said.)
i began researching coupons.
not reading blogs.
not shopping.
researching COUPONS.
(yes, my interests are becoming a little bleak).
well, 3 seconds after i opened the bag, i reached in for a few more to pop in my lil mouth and much to my dismay....

the package was empty.
what?
someone stole my m&m's!
Ellie, are you eating my m&m's?
wait..Ellie is sleeping.
M, are you eating my m&m's?
wait, he's in Arizona.

or....maybe, just maybe...
i kept poppin' them and poppin' them in my mouth, without even realizing it, until they were all gone.
which means i didn't even get to enjoy them.
because i was eating them brainlessly.
autopilot-edly.
bummer-dee-dummer-edly.

i don't really know what else to say.
other than i often find myself in auto pilot mode these days...
for no explicable reason.
it's pretty easy to live brainlessly, i guess.


oh yeah, and i really want some more peanut m&m's.

xoxo

a stew post

what's a stew post, you ask?
funny, M just asked the same thing.
here's our convo 2.5 seconds ago:

m: you bloggin?
me: mmm hmmm
m: what are you bloggin' about?
me: stew.
m: who's stew?
me: not the person...
m: the food?
me: mmm, not really the food either.
m: hmm. that's random.

and it is. kinda random. let me elaborate:

you know how stew is usually the meal you make when you don't know what else to make...and you have lots of random ingredients that would otherwise go unused so you throw them all together in one giant pot and hope the flavors fuse together ok to make something slightly tasty (whoa...longest run-on sentence ever)??

well, tonight this post is going to be like that. a stew post, if you will. because...i have lots to say...lots of random thoughts. some that go together, most that don't....so i'm just gonna throw them out there, stir 'em up real good, and hope that the flavor is slightly tasty to keep you dipping that spoon back in and slurping it up.

ingredient #1:
Ellie is big. she's a full-blown toddler now- yelling during sacrament meeting, dumping out snacks at target, laughing just because everyone else is laughing, dancing all day every day, saying tons of new words a mile a minute, and even singing "twinkle twinkle." my favorite new thing that she does is come up to me when she sees me putting some piece of clothing on, like a sweater, and she comes, fans it out, and says "cuuuuuuuttteee!" what a girly girl she is. she melts my heart.

ingredient #2:
did you know there are only 44 days till Christmas?? 44! i'm so excited to actually be THOUGHTFUL about our gift-giving this year. usually i'm so busy with school or this thing or that other thing that i don't get to be as thoughtful with the gifts i give as i would like to be. but i'm not so busy these days anymore (whoa, i'm finally coming clean). so! i've been thinking about gift-giving....and geesh. please tell me, does anyone else struggle with getting gifts for dads & hubby's as much as i do?? HELP.

ingredient #3
i've been kinda bummed out lately. you see- we just found out we aren't going to be able to move into our house until January. there are lots of frivolous details on the why's and how-comes that i won't expound upon...and i guess i've just been super bummed out because i reeeaaalllyyy wanted to decorate and set up our new place for Christmas. silly, i know. what's the big deal? it's just a couple more months of waiting. but, even though i'm bummed about it, i truly feel blessed to have M's parents, who so generously are allowing us to take over every nook and cranny of their once-clean house. i don't know what we would do without them!

ingredient #4
i'm doing the ultimate "mom" thing these days...
i'm getting into COUPONING. ahhhh. what a scary word. i actually went and bought a binder today to help me get them all organized. i'm really excited. anyway, i just had to tell you guys about this website that i've been using a ton lately. it's called hip2save.com. it is AWESOME. she is amazing- and posts all sorts of deals on her blog. she even posts how-to videos and stuff. i've found some truly amazing deals the last little bit (for example, i bought the Blue-Ray Up and Monster's Inc today for $14.00 total....thats like $7.00 a DVD!). anyway, i know that i shouldn't be so excited about cutting paper, but i am. do you have any great couponing sites you'd like to share? let me know.

ingredient #5
i am so grateful for television. i know i am super shallow to admit this, but i don't really care. i love having something fun to look forward to watching. the Office has been HILARIOUS this season- last week's episode made me laugh out loud at moments. and Glee- wow. i have the songs on repeat on my iPod. then there's SYTYCD-- i already have my faves. and my current fave: House. this has been my favorite season of House so far. i love this rennovated version of Gregory House.

ingredient #6
has anyone noticed how google has been doing sesame street icon stuff all week? i love google. they're so original. and creative. makes me wish i was more creative. and original.

ingredient #7
i just walked away from putting Ellie down for a nap. as i was walking to the door, she stood up, looked at me and said "yuv you." i cried.

ingredient #8
i finally received my teaching certificate in the mail. i cried again.

ingredient #9
Ellie goes into nursery in four Sundays. i will cry every Sunday until then...and then i will probably cry again...but those tears may or not be tears of joy. those of you with kids understand :)

ingredient #10
it's been 2 weeks since a young man in my family's neighborhood committed suicide.
2 friends of ours have recently been diagnosed with cancer.
i feel like i keep having reminders lately how invincible we may feel...yet how temporary, and precious this life is. each day is a gift. it truly is. having a healthy body is a gift. waking up to a new day is a gift. sure, crappy things happen. gas might get sprayed in your face. or you may have to move away from your family, friends, loved ones, and your home. or maybe you got in a fight with your spouse. or maybe you aren't your ideal weight. but then these more serious tragedies happen around you- and you realize- i'm being so frivolous. finding joy in today is essential- because i don't know (nordoes anyone else, for that matter) how many today's i have left...and i'm determined to leave this earthly place with joy & love in my heart. and for people to know that i was joyful and loving, too.

ingredient #11
this past weekend was Stake Conference here.
did you know that members in Northern California are lucky enough to have their stake conference on the Temple Grounds? isn't that a-maz-ing?? it was so neat to be on the Temple Grounds for a Sunday meeting like Stake Conference. nothing brings peace like the Temple.

and so, on that peaceful note, i will end my stew post.
it was a random stew.
sometimes they end up that way.
thanks for listening, and slurping up my randomicity today.
oh, and one last ingredient, for good flavor....
i love you, blogging world.


xoxo

my internal clock is outta whack.

this is the only explanation i have for the whackiness i feel at this moment.

it all started when i decided to wear white shorts today.
let's start first with the "white" part.
yes, i know you're not supposed to wear white after labor day.
but i coupled it with a purple top and a brown sweater...doesn't that make it fallish enough?
second part to address:
i was wearing SHORTS today. sounds groovy right?
well, it is. and i know i shouldn't complain about this wonderful weather i'm having. in fact, i'm not complaining about it. i love it. but i think my internal weather clock is all messed up with this perpetually-nice-weather-junk. every morning i put on some jeans and a shirt and a sweater...a very fallish combination in my opinion....only to be dripping in sweat by noon and wishing i had decided on a better clothing ensemble 4 hours earlier. my face is one giant zit from all this sweat (gross, i know). i feel all weird that the Holidays are coming because the weather hasn't even felt a glimmer of "crisp" outside. how can you eat "apple crisp cobbler" if it's not "crisp" outside? i don't want to think about eating warm apple pie in 80 degree weather.
and now with this fall back (even though it's not even fall here yet with all this 80 degree weather stuff) stuff, i'm starting my day bright and early at 4:00 am...because that's what you do when you are out of whack. you wake up even earlier than you would've before you fell back...and all of a sudden become the early bird who is not only getting the worm, but the whole worm farm.

anyway.

so my day started with some not-so-good karma as i headed out with my white shorts/brown sweater combo.....to my first stop: gas station. well, as many of you moms know, getting gas isn't just a leisurly activity anymore, where you think about your family, what you are going to get done that day, and what you think you might give Harold and Bertha for Christmas. no, no, no. it is now a multi-tasking-one-man-band event for your little tots. you see, you have to keep those kids entertained who are strapped down to the now-stopped-vehicle so that you dont' have to suffer long stares and embarrassment from other people hearing the yelps, whines, and screams of your bored child. and so, i was busy doing some entertaining when i heard the gas knozzle "click," letting me know that it was done. so i finished "wheels on the bus" gave Ellie one more "tickle" and one last "goochie goo" and went straight for the handle.

i've always been a little over-zealous.

you see, the click must have been from my neighbor's knozzle...because mine was still going...full force. SPLAASSSH. SPRRRAAAYYY. GASSSPP. (and maybe a four letter word...maybe). yeah, i got soaked in gasoline. smelly, icky, gasoline.

i mean, really, i wasn't expecting the whole "never been kissed" scenario to actually happen just because i wore some white shorts. give. me. a. break.

so, i nervously looked around to see if anyone noticed (or if anyone DIDN'T notice is more like it), and hopped into my once-clean-car....and then was almost suffocated by the intoxicating smell as i debated whether or not to go home and change...you see, getting out the door is a feat in itself...we were now out the door, almost to our destination....did i really smell that bad? oh well. it's only an hour. who cares.

so stinky-gasoline-marci takes Ellie into Target to do some post-Halloween shopping and grocery shopping. Ellie wasn't too pleased with the experience. i'm sure she was having trouble breathing with all that gasoline she was inhaling. poor thing. so i hurried as quickly as i could with some of my little red-lined treasures...and went to the cashier. by this moment, Ellie was d-o-n-e. how did i know that, you ask?
well, i think the lollipop Ellie chucked at the cashier's face, which then landed behind the cash register, was a pretty good indication of her done-ness.
to top it off: my wallet was left on the drivers seat of the car after my gasoline incident, instead of being in its designated spot in the diaper bag. "um, sir, can you suspend my order, after you wipe that stickiness off your face, while i go get my wallet, p-p-please?"

yeah. not the best string of events.

luckily, i came home, plopped the kid in her crib for a nap and some alone time,  and regained composure by gawking over the sexiness of Jude Law in the Holiday while eating a whole jar of Trader Joe's Salsa and a bag of chips all by myself (second time this month).

when Ellie woke up, i was recharged and rejuvenated (thanks Jude) and decided to make us a little comfort food for dinner: spaghetti. well, as i tried to slurp my noodles as politely as possible, i looked over at Ellie, who was not politely eating her food, but rather smashing it with her fingers, throwing it on her lap, and simultaneously inhaling it through her mouth and nose....and all with a big smile on her face.

the thought came to me then...like a pile of bricks whacking me on my outta-whack-head: i need to be more like Ellie and enjoy the mess...because sometimes, the mess is the best part.

xoxo